So last time I finished up on a positive note, feeling warm and fuzzy about the fact that there are some great, non judgemental Pakistani men out there. Enlightened was even a word I had used. But you know, who am I kidding here…these types are not the norm. Hypocrite, and sexist dbag are words better suited to describe the average (straight) male-supremacist desi dude. The entire society is set up to create them that way, with this sense of entitlement....especially in regards to women. Culture and religion endorse it.
They can be judgemental in ways I hadn’t even fathomed possible. Just the existence of products such as this is testament to that:
What. The. Fuck. No, really... What. The. Actual. Fuck. Why on earth does the already sick desi obsession with being *fair* outdo itself yet again and transcend to a whole other disgusting level? Why? Why do we need to bleach our genitals to satisfy some ridiculous brown male fantasy of wanting a white vagina? That can't be safe.
White porn, is 'the standard' I guess....where a lot of young south Asian men learn about sex, sadly their logic can't extend to understanding that brown women will not look like the white women in porn. And ffs, most women of any race, don't look like women from porn.
Just like penises, vaginas come in all shapes, sizes and colours. If you expect a dark skinned girl to have a pale lady bits...you're out of your mind, just a little bit.
I recently had a discussion with someone who brought up how he had had a conversation about the colour of desi (south Asian) vaginas with other brown guys. He was pretty mortified by what he heard as well. He’s been nice enough to write an account of that evening for this post, pretty shocking to say the least:
A few months ago I was sitting with a bunch of men in a gathering where alcohol was in abundance and conversational restraint in dearth, so the topics naturally revolved around sex, and eventually, what was the best sex they had ever had. Descriptions of ideal sexual partners invariably involved skin tones and complexions and one such description produced a remark that would spark a curious discussion that is to be the basis of this write-up; said a middle-aged man with two wives and a legion of mistresses, ‘no matter how fair skinned a desi woman is, her vagina and nipples are always dark’.
This sweeping statement, which I can tell you from personal experience is factually incorrect, was met unanimously with agreement and approval.
From here on the conversation became exclusively about the colour of female genitalia. Many of the men sitting there were frequent visitors to brothels, and frequent visitors to foreign countries and, predictably, brothels in foreign countries. They also had wives, girlfriends and professed to engage in casual sex without monetary transaction as well.
Turn by turn they related their own stories of the darkest and fairest genitalia they’d come across. As skin colour is also deeply embedded with class and social stature, the most denigrating remarks were for the dark skinned sex workers or servant girls with whom they’d had sexual encounters.
Accusations of lack of cleanliness, hygiene and health were abundant. That they did not like performing oral on somebody with dark vaginas and nipples. The ideal colour was pink; it was repeatedly said that foreign men were ‘lucky’ to have convenient access to it, that the colour somehow made all the difference when it came to oral sex, and that generally their most pleasurable sexual encounters were associated with that colour.
‘The best sex we’ve had’ inevitably involved mentions of the pinkest labia or areolas; they were considered aesthetically more pleasing and therefore more arousing, and arousal played a key part in eventual satisfaction.
Two or three of them deemed that lighter skin around the breast and crotch areas was a sign of sexual health and that they were more suspicious of contracting diseases from darker coloured organs.
(lol if this was true, *all* light-skinned people would be STD free, and that is really really not the case. Idiots.)
One man said that, ‘darker vaginas tend to smell, and taste rotten’. This was a guy who’d never been with a ‘light’ genitalled woman, and was basing this opinion on his experience with pornography; that white men readily seemed to perform oral on fair genitalled women, whereas for him it was an ‘unpleasant’ activity.
(well clearly, you can always tell how a woman’s vagina smells by watching her in a porn video, And you almost never smell anything foul coming from the TV... so you can safely conclude that their vaginas don’t have a smell at all. Can’t argue with such airtight logic. What an intelligent fellow.)
Now I’m going to wager here that performing oral sex, on either gender, by either gender, is not everyone’s cup of tea (sorry if that ruined your evening tea) anyway. Or maybe he just wasn’t doing it right. But it’s curious that instead of exploring his own sexual interests and limitations he would blame, as seems the norm, the woman instead. In this case, the colour and constitution of her genitalia. That had it been more pink his experience would’ve been better somehow.
Another man said that darker vaginas were relatively ‘loose’. Of course the male fascination with vaginal tightness is nothing new, nor even culture specific, and requires an entirely different debate altogether. But this was just another example of attributing a perceived negativity about sexual organs to their colour. ‘Loose’ was his exact phrase, he didn’t even use an Urdu word. He said it quite confidently and when queried by me he could not qualify his statement, beyond saying that ‘they are’ and ‘ask anyone who’s been inside a fairer one’.
(by now, the level of stupidity has crossed every limit that my mind could’ve possibly imagined - However the upcoming sentence sums it up best)
At this point I considered it a small wonder that dark skinned vaginas weren’t held responsible for the rise in oil prices and power outages.
Of course, these highly sexually active men were also going around making snap judgments and generalizations partly out of necessity of habit; given their promiscuity and that they view sex as gratification only, not performance; they don’t have ‘partners’, they have outlets or victims or means to phallic relief.
(And sadly, the writer of this piece has captured the very essence of how too many desi men view sex...it’s a heartbreaking reality. Our cultures don't even recognize that marital rape is a thing, consent is not a concept stressed upon. Women suffer the most of course, but I imagine that something is taken away from the quality of such men’s lives as well. They will never truly know the joy of making love to a partner and not an object of sexual gratification. It must get lonely. But even sadder is the fact that they might be too stupid to realize it.)
So the sexual experience of the woman does not matter, and where one would rationally think that inexperience would actually lead to less pleasurable intercourse, they are firm in their belief that inexperience means tighter vaginal muscles and exponentially more pleasure.
Hence they say things like ‘a thin back means she’ll be tighter down there’. Or ‘thick arms and hands imply wider, unpleasurable vaginas’.
* * *
Well. That was fascinating, disgusting and sad, all at the same time. A rare glimpse for us into the types of conversation that (brown) guys can have when no women are around. Thank you for that.
This conversation definitely sparked a lot of interest on twitter too, here are some interesting things people had to say;
Omair Zeeshan: illogical though. Darker skin has more evolutionary benefits. Should be hardwired to prefer
sharabi kababi: Let's face it (heh!!), no one's really examining vags, most of us are just happy to get it in :)
pathipen: Maybe I "knew" men who were more open minded.
Smacula: I think we are all to blame. Porn sets up unreal standards. We like unreal standards. We see real and scorn>>
Smacula: << in that way, porn is much like aunties. Who show off their unreal kids, and set unreal standards. #sorryButHadTo
* * *
I will stress again, that our country is in desperate need of sex ed. We’ve seen what can happen when pornography is a person’s only source of ‘sexual education’ … it makes me sick to my core.
It's time to make sure we raise our sons to be decent men.
If the kinds of thoughts we’ve been discussing in this post seem at all familiar to you, or you see nothing wrong with them, you’re obviously an ignorant asshole. But I suppose it's a start you're here, reading this.
If after reading this you still think having such thoughts are ok, go lock yourself in your room...and don’t come out till you can shine your brown dick to gleaming white or a rosy pink. Just sayin’ ;)
as appalled as I am, and as much blame as I put on lack of Sex ed in Pakistan, it also pains to know that this is not just a Brown people problem.ReplyDelete
Unfortunately, even in the more advanced world out there, sex ed end way too early and is not available when the growing teenagers have most questions. This leads to stupid and sad myths and believes like it is uncool to still be a virgin when graduating from high school, or that you have to be a non-virgin to get that high school crush interested in you as he/she doesn't want to be your first one and things like that.
I also put the blame on the porn industry. Its funny how in countries like the US where prostitution is illegal, they have a thriving legal porn industry. The messages being sent out to all men around the world is that they can get their way with women, they are just vessels with lubricated holes that are there to give pleasure to men and nothing else. The guy who has a streak of one night stands is celebrated and the girl who even has had two sexual partners is called a slut.
More damaging than porn though, is the Advertising industry around the world where women are objectified every day. Little girls are told they are not pretty enough, a girl who weighs a couple of pounds more than the "ideal" weight is forced into depression for being overweight. 17 years old are being told they have to use Anti-Aging creams. Cosmetic Plastic Surgery is a normally accepted procedure, making girls think they should not be happy with what they have and making guys believe that they should always want more and bigger.
The Desi world has its obsession with wanting to be fair, the white world has its obsession with getting tanned. I seriously even Africans, they're honestly the happiest ones out there with their skin tones. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from them.
Not only do we need to protest against ads such as Clean and Dry Intimate, but also against the Fair & Lovely and Fair & Handsome's of the world.
Whitening or bleaching of female private parts is a thriving business in arab specially gulf countries. you can find millions of ads on arabic channels about products created specially for female private parts & armpits + meds gadgets for tightning of vaginas. one of my friends told me: we women dont like to give birth natural way even if its not complicated; just because we are scared hubby will reject loose phuddi and marry another girl with tight choot. and beleive me she said she used phatkri (sorry i dont know wot its called in english) which the barbers use on small cuts after shaving; mix with water to tighten her pussy. Other then the expensive oud oil; halawas & gosh much expensive perfumes they use in private parts and whole bodies for sexy smells. and yes they sure have a unique smell. as for gories in fact they smell like monkeys.ReplyDelete
Chalo... desi girls now have one more thing to do on their list to keep one ASSHOLE happy. I mean I still cant figure out how girls keep their private parts hairless...(assuming they never let them grow back and how????) and now on top of that they have to make female parts "sufaid". LAKH LAANAT howey ese marda'n tey!ReplyDelete
Cmon guys get over these fantasies now!!!!
I am a 29 year old unmarried woman, and I stumbled across your Nice Mangoes twitter profile while checking out some interesting profiles of Pakistani bloggers. This post came as a shock! It never occurred to me that the colour of female genitalia would be a cause for prejudice and that products such as vulval bleaches existed to lighten 'vaginal' colour. That would be excruciatingly painful apart from harmful in the long run. I am a doctor and it saddens me to imagine the plight of women suffering at the hands of such absurd-minded men. Thank you for an eye-opening post and hopefully a new-generation of enlightened men will spawn out of reading these educating posts, in addition to the sexual kicks they derive from it. Bravo!ReplyDelete
Thank you for your wonderful comment :) Im glad u came across it. And ur totally right...couldntve put it better my self, " it saddens me to imagine the plight of women suffering at the hands of such absurd-minded men."Delete
Dr. Anon where you from i would love to visit your clinic, hospitalReplyDelete
dont be a perv njDelete
Hehehehe i ain't a perv. donno y but i like you E. btw i am not that creepy guy who use to throw naked pics under yr door ! I never been to Canada. I would have seduced u & made love to u on first meeting. njDelete
there was never a guy who threw naked pics under my door, stop having a selective memory, they were pictures that were fully clothed. Regardless, it was stalkerish and creepy because i did not know he was photographing me. As for ur second statement... I highly doubt that would EVER happen. I have very high standards.Delete
1. Awww ok i thought naked pics. Poor memory maybe getting old.Delete
2. I can understand that bt I am skilled no doubt.
First of all I love your blog.ReplyDelete
Now to the article. It brings me to tears the fact that these men can be so philanthropic with their dicks and then make snap judgements.
You'r right, it's a bout gratification, not an emotional act which is why they can be so nasty about it.
But sex ed handled by Pakistani's... I don;t know. Chances are they'll make a bigger mess of it than porn by setting up patriarchal standards which might ruin the few decent men we have.
thats a very good point you bring up... they are very capable of making a huuuge mess out of sex ed. But if we had one or two trusted conveyors of knowledge to start off with. Perhaps some certification or something... so that ppl couldnt be sticking their own agendas into it. But that is too far fetched... obviously wont happen in a million years. *sigh*Delete
Best blog post yet.ReplyDelete
entertaining testimonies, i must say & i endorse!!!! kindda didnt like yur statement "...and transcend to a whole other disgusting level?" r u referring to the genitals here??? whats disgusting about this particular organ of my/our body? and i was thinking that sex ed wud be too ambitious to ask for may b v can start with genital hygiene at least & educate our kids that soaps dont make us white & white is not equal to clean!ReplyDelete
You endorse what? and as for the sentence u pointed out, I am referring to how far this fairness obsession has reached. No one said anything about genitals being disgusting. Think about it...would i do a post like this and then say that genitals are gross? The sentence was, "Why on earth does the already sick desi obsession with being fair outdo itself yet again and transcend to a whole other disgusting level? " Perhaps its time to bust out that dictionary ;)Delete
Oh - and teaching ppl that white doesnt necessarily = clean is definitely a good start... its education, and depending on where you take it... it could be sex education as well.