Wednesday, October 3, 2012

ABC's for little Pakistanis

Now before u get ur undies in a twist about me being an expat and having an opinion on Pakistan....please note that this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings....don't take it personally...

Also, grow the fuck up or stop looking at this page. Sure it may offend you, if u like to live in denial of certain truths about Pakistan. 

Now, who wants to publish my book? (no one? Omfg... what a surprise! :o)

(Update: oh looks like someone did want to publish it, electronically at least)

If u'd like to see larger images, click on the first one and scroll through them with the arrow keys. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

"He tried to perform oral sex on me and told me he thought it was gross" - Part 2

So yesterday, a Pakistani blogger by the name of Falahi Behoodabadi posted a detailed response to my post about Fahmida. It seems that Fahmida's story has hit a nerve with a lot of people. I'm glad that so many have so much to say...generating discussion is the first step! It's important that all the voices and opinions are heard. Only then can we begin to understand the differences amongst ourselves. Below is my response to his response. These are excerpts from his post, you can read the full version here.

Thank you Falahi Behoodabadi, yours is an important contribution to the ongoing discussion about Pakistanis and their love/hate relationship with cunnilingus. I appreciate that you took the time to do this.

*     *     *

I read a blog by Nice Mangos, outlining the plight of a woman whose husband refuses to offer cunnilingus, despite the wife offering similar services in kind.

The interviewer is outraged as would be anyone confronted by someone with such a plight. However, the second phase of this blog, I’ve undertaken with her permission. The initial outrage makes it so that the general tone of the article blames Pakistani men in general. Which wasn’t the intention of the interviewer.

Well the way I see it, the Pakistani male population *in general* is pretty oppressive to women. A mega-patriarchy, if you will….A lack of education combined with the strict gender roles of the country make for a very chauvinistic society. There is no arguing that.  And from what I’ve heard, this attitude does extend into the bedroom too.

Now of course, there are always exceptions, as I mention over and over again. I’m sure there are plenty of well-educated, non-chauvinistic Pakistani men out there. But sadly, that is not the norm. Soooo I think I did intend to blame the rampant chauvinism that exists in Pakistani men in general (which doesn’t necessarily include you, or many of my male readers I’m sure…so please don’t take it personally. I myself am married to a Pakistani man who doesn’t display any of the aforementioned behaviour…so I do know that exceptions exist!)

Sixty percent of Pakistan is rural, and composed of starving women who barely have enough for themselves and their crying children to eat. These women are not worried about oral sex.

Im sure they would prefer pleasurable sex that results in magnificent orgasm(s) rather than the possibly painful or dull thrusting they must have to often endure. Sure you’re right when you say they are probably not worried about oral sex (how many actually think it's an option, even?), but the truth of the matter is…sex still happens. No matter how little people have to eat or survive on… the sex continues…perhaps more so in Pakistani rural areas because it may be one of the only forms of entertainment that’s cheaply available. So, the fact that sex still happens.. means that either its happening ‘to’ them [women] … or its happening ‘with’ them. There’s no way of really knowing what the average rural Pakistani woman’s sex life is really like, unless we go speak to a bunch of ‘em. But since that isn’t gonna happen…I will base my comments on educated guesses. More than likely, the sex happens ‘to’ them - Especially after the novelty wears off, the man in the relationship probably does his thing and rolls off, as he is taught over and over again. His wife is meant to satisfy him....there is little mention in religion or culture about female satisfaction. There's a Quran verse comparing women to farmland, ready for husband's to plough as they wish ffs. 

I’m sure if the women you mention, knew how different sex could be…they would truly appreciate a good session of mutual oral…

The blog points out that Pakistani women don’t speak up for themselves.
Pakistani women speak up a lot. You have to be in the right circle. Women talk about it. They’re not very careful speaking about these things to close friends. Perhaps they meant that they don’t speak up to their husbands about it.

Speaking to your friends about an issue is not really speaking up and having your voice heard. Speaking up happens when you raise your voice with the intention of change. Suppose someone were raped, and the only people they told were their close friends…. It wouldn’t achieve much really, so that would definitely not count as speaking up. Yes, you’re right in terms of equality in the bedroom… speaking up would imply that you communicated your dissatisfaction to your partner.

Sometimes incredible stories leak out. Some women react with a little bit of anger; this one woman I knew actively started spreading stories about her husbands tiny dick and his inability to please her when he refused to eat her out.

And later, she even shared pictures from when he was asleep. The man is still the joke of the city amongst most women.

Yes, there are always exceptions. The woman in your story was not shy - Perhaps even malicious… I wonder if she tried to address the problem with him before taking it to this level.

And at one point, when she loses the baby weight. She is surprised when she is told that he prefers her larger. Almost all men prefer larger, why does she act surprised?

Umm..really? There is a whole multinational industry based on selling the ideal ‘skinny’ body type to women everywhere. There are multitudes of eating disorders, why would this be the case if all men preferred larger? Unless you mean breasts, but even then, I don’t think it’s *all* men at all…

The issue with women being held up to unrealistic standards is that men are held up to ridiculous standards too.

You’re not seriously comparing what women have to go through in this world, especially in countries like Pakistan... to what men do....are you?…realllllly? I wouldn’t even know where to begin answering that.

If the wife wanted to do it [oral], then she did it willingly, expecting reciprocity was her mistake.
If the guy was unwilling then it might point to religious implications such that imply that he won’t because of religious reasons. In which case, religion denies oral sex too. But would also imply that he’s a hypocrite.
"Expecting reciprocity was her mistake" - Wow dude...speechless. 

I think in a loving relationship, one would naturally expect a little give and take. I don't think its a mistake to expect sexual satisfaction in return at all. 

Agree that that makes him a hypocrite. Im no religious scholar…but in my research I’ve found that Islam can be tolerant towards most sex stuff (within the boundaries of *hetero* marriage) except for anal really. But then again, these things are so subjective, it would depend on who u ask. Some sect, some interpretations are absolutely less tolerant. Some are definitely all about male pleasure, and find female sexuality/pleasure shameful in general. 

Also, dear women, I understand that sex for you is about the a lot of things. But trust me, saying it might as well be masturbation is incredibly insane. Trust me. Its quite different. The body reacts to the pheromones and the various chemicals. Its much much more gratifying.

Yes, yes I am well aware that selfish sex isn’t ‘exactly’ like masturbation…I didn’t mean it so literally.

One of the women I was with, her cum would actually congeal and go sour on her pussy. It would actually turn into something that tasted like rancid yoghurt. I would literally have to scoop it off before I put my tongue in and winced. That’s another thing that I never let her find out. BUT. This is in stark contrast to the one before her; who literally tasted like cinnamon honey. Her cum would never go bad. Another one was hairy. but she was never wet enough for it to drip outside. She tasted fine. Not too good. Not too bad. Fourth one dripped. But it was always so runny. Always dripped into her underwear. Never had any issues with smell or taste. Mildly pleasant. Except when she was near her periods. It would get more sour. Still. Never bad. 

Thanks for sharing your personal experiences in such great detail, because that’s insight that straight women would probably not get too often. I personally could do without knowing what all your past lovers tasted like, but hey it's possibly very useful information for someone. 

Bottom line; everyone is different. And lets face it, genitals don’t exactly taste/smell like vanilla ice cream (ur honey cinnamon girl must have used some product/lotion too) – but with good hygiene and health it should be pretty neutral…

But as for your ex with the rancid yoghurt problem…wow… that sounds pretty unpleasant. It sounds like she might have had some sort of infection, there could’ve been a lot of things causing that. But I’m no doctor…so I’ll refrain from guessing. Perhaps she needed to know so she could get it checked out? 

Regardless, even though that made you wince, you still dove in and didn’t let her know it grossed you out. I think you may have taken the politeness a little far… but still…. At least you had the decency to not gag. Whereas in Fahmida’s situation, I doubt its something as extraordinary as that….more like a mental issue. I’ve heard it before from a lot of Pakistani men. They just think going down on a woman is gross. I wrote yet another post about it here.

One of my girls always had to drink something after swallowing because otherwise she’d get a sore throat.

That’s interesting…

The woman should never lie about orgasming when they’re together.

Agreed. If you’re constantly lying, you’re not really facing the problem… and so it continues…

This just may be me, but from what I’ve seen in society and experienced in relationships, all women think they look beautiful. 

This statement is not true…there wouldn’t be all these eating disorders and cases of body dysmorphia if it were true. Sadly, women are more often than not.. insecure about some aspect of their physical appearance…the world in general is set up to perpetuate that.

Dressing up in the bedroom and lacy thongs; while good and all. They really won’t do much for your guy if he secretly isn’t attracted to you. 

This is just my opinion here, but if someone isn’t attracted to their spouse… that’s the beginning of a whole lot of other issues…

It’s opportunity cost. The most efficient way for a partner to please their mate is to focus on the things that the mate actually likes about them. So if your mate likes you because you’re a social whore, be more of that. If your mate likes you because you have incredibly smart papers published by oxford, do more of that. If your mate likes you because you earn more money, do more of that.

So just be a robot, and do more of whatever our partner likes? A very odd approach. 
And if there’s no honest communication about this kind of stuff in the first place, how would you attempt that? Also, stating the have to be your own person. You can't just do things to please other people. 

On a side note. The woman on top thing making the man too sensitive. This is common. He is hitting her cervix. Basically a bit too long for her. Tell her to get on top. And lean back or forward. The angle will decrease him hitting her cervix and his glans getting tender). The thing about him not liking doing her from behind. The too lubricated thing, I suspect its bullshit and he doesn’t like her ass, or maybe her asshole isn’t waxed :P.

The first part of this para seems to be good practical advice, I will pass that along. Thanks. And yea I suspect bs on the too lubricated thing too...but the unwaxed asshole bit --- I won’t go into all the reasons it pisses me off. But I’ll just say this, maybe guys should try keeping a ‘perfectly waxed asshole’ esp after 2 kids and 16 years of one way oral…and little to no sexual gratification. We’ll talk about it more then :P

Also, dear women. If a guy avoids masturbation and only has sex with you, then this kinda makes me suspect that the man has an aversion to masturbation. Only religious people who don’t believe in masturbation have sex this often. If this is the case. A LOT OF THINGS need to be re-evaluated.


Also, a man who’s too tired to have fun with you, sounds like he’s cheating and squash game is the name of another woman. And the sweat he wants to clean up by taking a shower. That is another woman’s sweat, which is kinda why he doesn’t want you to, you know. Enjoy it. 

Now that would be a very sad reality…. But you may have a point. Something to think about Fahmida…

Thursday, August 23, 2012

"He tried to perform oral sex on me and told me he thought it was gross"

So the other day I received an email from Fahmida who wanted to share her story. I think its a very important one too.... because I'm sure a lot of women (especially Pakistani), can relate - but they may not have the courage to speak up....So thanks Fahmida for voicing are a brave, strong and wonderful woman. 

Fahmida, 34, Female

I always make the most of what I have been given. I married very young because I fell in love and was so happy he chose me too.

My husband is my first and only sexual partner. I was young and eager to have a physical relationship with him. Just a little uninformed about how much time and patience it would take for me to appreciate my needs and have an honest relationship.

I raised 2 beautiful kids and even though it was tough to work, I tried to give them and our family everything. It did put a strain on our sex life as we had kids so fast. Despite the demands of parenthood we still connected regularly. My body was re-adjusting after giving birth and our experiences were more to satisfy him than me.

He was good to caress me, hold me after and make sure my emotional side was taken care of. Being postpartum, that was essential. Tenderness and gentility are paramount. We spooned a lot in those days as a gentler way to make love.

I breastfed both girls and although it was uncomfortable and awkward to be dripping milk at times, I would expose my breasts and offer them to my husband who expressed that he liked “big boobs”. He also would routinely caress them at night while I slept. Never realizing that the contact would cause me to lactate.

Now that I have lost all the baby weight and my breasts have dramatically reduced in size, I have been told that he prefers me larger. I needed to find other ways to make him happy. Forgetting about myself.

(That right there is where the issues begin I think, whether you're too big or too small, too tall, too short....women are very often held up to unrealistic standards. Yes, we're not all the same size, and telling us that we are 'preferred' one way or another can be incredibly damaging and hurtful. Especially in a 'loving' relationship....)

I started to perform oral sex on him because while I was pregnant I needed an alternative to intercourse. Hand jobs were for teenagers in cars or for desperate times.

(So you didn't have oral sex before you got pregnant? Also, I don't know what your specific pregnancies were like, but for most healthy pregnancies intercourse is ok right till the very end [unless your doctor has specified otherwise]... but yes, I'm sure manoeuvring a giant belly isn't easy, so I totally get how you wouldn't be into penetrative sex during those days) 

He was able to tell me what he wanted and how he liked me to suck his balls. I didn’t like it at first but he was so into it and really enjoyed it. I learned to please him more and actually read an article by a porn star on how your tongue can be your best friend. I almost got a sense of power and thrill at how I could look up at him and see him so in the moment, being intoxicated with pleasure, by me.

(And that's how it should be for both parties involved, there is a sense of pleasure and achievement in satisfying your partner - especially if there is love. Sex that is solely for one's own pleasure, might as well be masturbation...what is the point of connecting with another person in that way if you don't care to see them through to the other side?)

He was so keen for me to go down on him that after the births of our kids, I actually gave him blow jobs in the hospital late at night after the babies were asleep and family was gone.

(Wow, What? How on earth did you have the energy/stamina/desire to do that after doing something fucking excruciating and life-changing like giving birth?! Even physical stamina aside, I imagine one is so emotionally drained that to get yourself in that mindset is a task and a half. The only thing that bothers me about this is if you didn't choose to do this yourself.... if you were in any way pressured into performing oral sex after childbirth...that is not ok. Sure its fine, and incredibly amazing if that's how you yourself were feeling, and chose to express your love in that way, but I'm just having a hard time believing that you or any woman would want to exert herself further, especially in a sexual way *right after childbirth* 

So once again, If you were in any way pressured/coaxed into it - that's a red flag for me.)

He tried to perform oral sex on me and told me he thought it was gross and he actually gagged.

(This breaks my heart. It truly, truly does. No one deserves to have that happen to them. If he doesn't think that you going down on him is gross, then he should be fine with reciprocating. The double standard infuriates me and boggles my mind. I don't think you should put up with it. Honestly, he deserves a taste of his own medicine, if he thinks its gross - then its gross both ways. 

Don't do it any more. You are not his personal sex slave, that lives to please and satisfy him. You are a human being, who deserves to be appreciated too. I don't know how many countless (Pakistani/Desi/Muslim) women suffer through this same issue, my advice to all of them would be to stand up for themselves in the bedroom too. Sex is a very important part of your relationship and if you're not getting respect there, then you will probably not get it in other situations too. That cannot be a very happy way to live. You do not deserve that. If you're a desi man reading this, and you too refuse to 'travel south', then you should have the same standards when it comes to your own pleasure.  No cunnilingus (should) = No Fellatio. You got that? None of this double standard bullshit.)

I decided to take matters into my own hands- literally. After he finished and was washing up in the bathroom or showering, I would (and still) masturbate. I did not orgasm after our sex sessions but moaned and pretending to finish as to not hurt his ego.

(I hate to say this, because you do sound like you really love him - but maybe its time to stop caring about hurting his feelings, he certainly doesn't have any issue hurting yours)

I have a nice figure and have enjoyed dressing up in the privacy of our room for him: mini skirts, strapless dresses, lacy bras, beaded thongs, garter belts and leather boots. I had been advised that good wives dress up for their husbands. So I did.

(You sound like an amazing person who is willing to try anything to please the person she loves, but these things have to be reciprocated... there isn't much point if one person tries and tries... and eventually burns out)

Only after a huge fight did I address that he looked sloppy and disgusting in shorts and a ripped t-shirt while I looked like I was going to a club, so could HE make an effort? Just his penis wasn’t doing enough for me.

It was the first time I had vocalized any preference in the bedroom.
I have continued to enjoy dressing up and even discussed the possibility of role playing. He decided that it was beyond his mental bandwidth. Translated: “Too much work. Far easier to have wife in a tight, white blouse, black miniskirt, no underwear with patent-leather 4 inch heels, sucking on my dick”.

(If you enjoy it, that's great...dressing up and feeling good about it can do wonders for your self-esteem. But let me get this straight, so you vocalized the issue and he just brushed it off... and yet you continued to do everything in your power to please him? My dear, sweet Fahmida, thats not going to work for too long, because you are a mere mortal. You can't just keep going endlessly, at some point you will break...don't let that happen to yourself.)

I decided to empower myself and dress up for me. I have worked hard on my body and am often told I appear to be 10 years younger than I am. I will get dolled up and appreciate my ass in lacy, black, brazilian-cut panties.

After being married for a decade, I turned 30 and felt my body start to yearn for physical completion. My body was urging touch, taste, feel and sound in a sometimes aggressive manner. I didn’t feel so gentle and tender anymore. I wanted to grab him, suck, be held, struggle and claw, tie him up and let him watch. I wanted him to hold me up against a wall, use his tongue unabashedly and maybe even turn me over and go at me from the back, side, legs up, sideways, straddle on a chair, on the stairs... I really am open to trying new things out.

(Any man would be lucky to have you, and I'm sure some of the ones reading are wishing they did, for realz.)

We don’t live in a joint family so we have privacy to have sex anywhere. Just as long as the girls are not around or awake to witness.

I told him that I enjoyed him coming home after working out and having perspired. For some reason I enjoyed tasting the salty-ness of his sweat. He replied that it was “gross” and he needed to shower before having sex.

I realized my preferences may not be honoured but I kept pressing the issue.
For my voice and needs to be recognized was/is so important.

I am open to trying new positions to escape the boring, missionary-style sex. I really couldn’t enjoy being on top until after the girls were born. I was too tight and although confident in my personality- still very shy in my sexuality.

My first *enjoyable* experience being on top was an epiphany. It was the first time I had an orgasm after 5 years of marriage. We had tried before it was never comfortable for me and I was too stiff to relax.

(So the first time you ever had an orgasm was after 5 years of being married? Or an orgasm through penetrative sex you mean?)

Now, my favourite position is being on top but it poses a difficulty for my husband. He is “too aroused” by me on top and cums too quickly.

(Tell him to try 'relieving' himself earlier in the day, beforehand..that might help him last longer)

So, I am laid on my back and pounded for less than a minute and have to make sounds pretending that I am in the throws of ecstasy.

(You don't have to just lie there and fake it you know, you should address this issue. If he can't be hard for longer than a minute, there are doctors and things for that. If he's not comfortable with that... then he has to be open to pleasing you in other ways... I think its time you let him know that one minute of pounding ain't doing shit. That's why he has a tongue and 10 fingers, and all the toys in the world available to please his partner.)

Even him being behind me is not possible because he says I am too lubricated and he gets soft.

(You being *too* lubricated makes him soft? Thats the first time I've heard that...?)

After 16 years and I am still devoted... but I have to draw the line.

I have been sexually starved for far too long. In the last 2 years I have orgasmed maybe a dozen times.

That is even after having sex at least 4-5 times a week. Frustrating is an understatement.

(After 2 kids and 16 years of marriage, you have sex 4-5 times a week?! On the surface that sounds amazing...but if each time its sex without orgasm, I can understand your frustration. The term 'blue balls' exists for men... I wonder if they even have an equivalent term for women)

I love my husband. He loves me. Neither of us has ever strayed even though opportunity has

I have started demanding longer, better sex where I feel I need it. I want penetration to last more than 40 seconds if and when he is able to stay hard.

I want mutually fulfilling foreplay - not always me giving him a blow job so he can get hard.

I also want to create equality in our bed. Where I can talk dirty and he not be offended by my forwardness. His manhood is thrusting in me so I think it’s OK for me to say “fuck me longer- harder” in a gentle and pleading whisper.

(Wait, he's offended by your dirty talk? Wtf! If he's a particularly religious man (and I'm getting the sense he is), maybe you could look up stuff from the more 'progressive' Islamic schools of thought. Where lots of regular sex stuff is ok as long as you are in a *hetero-marriage* No anal, but least there will be some supporting religio-stuff to quote and study together? Have you tried speaking to him about this? That its something you like to do? Seems to me like he cuts you off every step of the way...your needs and desires don't seem to be of *any* importance to him... and that indicates a deeper that goes beyond the sexual realm. Huge red flag.)

I want to be able to climb on top of him and grind with clothes on just to excite myself without him looking embarrassed and awkward.

(He sounds like he's super oldschool... is he 98?)

I want to be told “YES!” when I want to get laid as opposed to “I have a squash game early tomorrow and need to rest”; just like when I was exhausted and still made efforts to please out of love.

I want him to go to a doctor like I have requested umpteen times and get himself checked out so he can retain an erection and not just get soft as blood is pumping through my body and I am about to explode. .

I want him to try harder to please me even if it makes him gag. Or think about getting toys that may do the trick in a non-intimidating and sensual manner.

I can bring a magazine article or book and not be seen as “besharam” (shameless).

(I'm so sorry that he has an issue with almost everything sexual, unless its *his* needs being taken care of. I'm sure that there are thousands of women out there in similar situations. It makes me wonder about your husband though.... what makes him so uncomfortable about sex, with his own wife? Do you think its possible he had some kind of awful experience earlier in his life that is affecting him this way? Do you think it's the values he's learned from traditional religious control on sexuality?)

Acquiring a lover is too much work and morally wrong to me. It is also too many logistics and uncertainty.

Getting an escort to meet my needs is not something I would consider. Ever.

Perhaps my options are limited. I love my partner, our family and what we have built. But my body is  screaming and urging me to address this issue and get myself taken care of.

There is love in marriage. There is compassion. There is sharing. There is compromise. There is generosity. All under the umbrella of sexual fulfillment. And I am entitled to it. I deserve it.

*       *       *

You articulate it so well, you definitely deserve it - and I think it's getting to a point where you need to address it or something will snap... it seems like things are at a tipping point right now. My advice to you would be an open, honest conversation. Sure, feelings will be hurt, he may be shocked...appalled even, at your 'shamelessness' and forwardness about female sexuality. But you need to address this pronto. I don't feel like you guys are on the same page about this at all. That misalignment of values could lead to something much bigger in the future.

I have received several emails about Oral sex and how it plays out in our culture, so I will be posting those soon too. But for now, my heart goes out to you Fahmida - you sound like the most caring and amazing wife, please don't continue to put yourself through this.

*       *       *

Update: It seems Fahmida's husband somehow figured out this story was about him (crap), despite details being changed. :/  Please remember folks, to clear 'paper trails' (e-trails) to my blog if your computer/phone is not private.

He left this comment below:

Oh Enemies of yourselves. Be mindful of Allah and be mindful of the day you have to stand before Allah and recount the time you've wasted, for it is time you will not get back.

This is "Fahmida's" husband. Your comments are sad reflection of privileged first world problems, as is her one-sided and highly inaccurate account. "Selective Memory" is a terrible problem, but in no matter do I care for a rebuttal.

What I do care for is to remind myself first and then you that these are matters to be decided upon. 

Decide if you want to bear with patience and work through, or decide for divorce, which "Fahmida" knows full well she's been offered many times.

But decide, then move on. You have been given permission by your Lord to decide and move on.

You have not been given permission to indulge and write, and gossip and plot and plan and complain publicly.

Learn about your Deen. And learn one of the biggest responsibilities of our time here on earth is to spread the message of Islam and help those who TRULY are in need.

Not to endulge online in first world problems. Yes, many Muslim Women are sexually unsatisfied. Guess what, many Men are too. Fantastic. Now decide what you want to do and MOVE ON.

Take advantage of whatever you can of this temporary existence so you can actually get somewhere great (Jannah).

But if you can't move on from these online drugs (blogs, twitter, facebook, porn sites). Then at least do yourself a favour and spend time on-line finding out what the Prophet (pbuh) and his beloved Companions (ra) did in regards to sex, relationships, etc.
Umm...seriously? Like marry six year olds? Consider puberty to be the age of consent? 

At least that way you may be able to say you "spent" your time wisely. For they were the ones we know for sure to have been successful.

We can't say the same for those around us. It may be that Fahmida is a woman of Paradise married to a man of Hell. Why does she want sexual satisfaction from a man of Hell?

What does any of this article matter then?

Or vice versa.

Don't be enemies of yourself. You have an ETERNITY to worry about. Move on, and worry about it, rather then the temporary goods of your time here.

I pray to Allah for Guidance and Forgiveness for us all.

Assalamu alaikum, Anon.

I kinda assumed he was a fundie, sigh. It disturbs me when people put greater value on an unproven afterlife than the life they are currently *actually* living in.  I am also amused by how he equates twitter and blogs with porn. 

Poor Fahmida. My heart goes out to you. 

Monday, July 23, 2012

Nice Mangos Art Giveaway!

Here are some pics from last time!, I don't think the previous winners were disappointed :) And I'm always thrilled when my art goes to a loving home! 


As promised - I'm doing another art giveaway! Yup, you heard right - I said 'give' away - I send you a print....a piece of original, signed Nice Mangos art, and all you have to do is answer some Nice Mangos Trivia.

And that's just to ensure that the artwork goes to the home of a regular reader, or at least someone who's taken the time to look for the answers :P

So here are 10 questions - the first person to answer 5 of them correctly (pick any 5 you like) and send me  the answers will get the print! (You can tweet, facebook or email me the answers)

1) Is the writer of this blog a male or female?

2) What is this blog about?

3) I recently started a petition, what about?

4) Here's the title of a popular post, fill in the blank:
     Brown Girls Shouldn't have _____ Vaginas

5) What was the post  in Q4) about?

6) True or False: This was the Tag I used on Twitter for the petition : #SignThisPlease

7) Name one of the guest bloggers I've had on here (I've not had many)

8) Only once, I blogged about a celebrity (Bollywood), who was it?

9) I have drawn a couple of 'mock -ads' for fictional products / services - can you name one?

10) I have a hilarious/disturbing and recurring commenter. I've done an interview with him AND a post about all the pervy comments he leaves on the blog. I will be truly impressed if you can recall his 'name' (he goes by initials)

Please remember to write the question number along with the answer, and remember you only have to do 5!

So if you win you can pick one from these:

(The Original)

 (Birds & The Bees)


('Virgin' Bride - this one is a special eidition print, because later I added a nipple ring. This is the version before the ring, which I wont ever print again.)


Thank You all so much for your interest, but the contest is now closed. It was such a close call.. the first 3 were literally seconds behind each other. Congrats to @Snootyshark for winning! 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Sex, Religion and omg... menstruation?

So..... much more interesting conversation has been generated from the last post. I'm glad that more of you are participating and letting your thoughts be heard :) Its truly the best way to learn more about topics unknown and un-discussed.... for example one of my commenters wrote on the last post;

"Also, it [Islam] doesn't really oppress female sexual desires. If anything, it protects females by prohibiting men from sex during periods, which doctors today say would be harmful for females."

and then followed up with:

"As for proof, there are doctors you can talk to about sex during menstruation. I have asked doctors, that too female ones about it and the majority hold the view that its not safe, irrespective of how horny they might be feeling. Now to give you some "proof", "A woman's risk of sexually transmitted disease and infection is higher than normal during this time because the cervix opens to allow blood to pass through. Unfortunately, this creates the perfect pathway for bacteria to travel deep inside the pelvic cavity. A woman is also more likely to pass on blood-borne diseases like HIV and hepatitis to a partner during her period, and she's more likely to develop yeast or bacterial infections because the vagina's pH during menstruation is less acidic" as taken from ."

But of course, like I said to him us humans can manipulate facts to suit our needs... we can just pick and choose what to point out, if it strengthens our point... because the same website, does indeed say its perfectly normal to have sex during your period. Certain precautions should be taken, but then again... isn't that the case with all sex? (link courtesy of @themaholupper)

(its time to re-use this illustration, i think :P)

Anyhoo, I took to twitter, to ask what more people's opinions were on the matter. Because I was a bit surprised actually, to read the view that prohibiting sex during menstruation, was actually 'protecting' females. Now of course, everyone has their own opinion and preference... so I'd like to say that I appreciate everyone's input. In fact, without the above comment, I wouldn't have had half as much to say - so thank you!

But I'd also like to point out that there is nothing medically unsafe (religion is another thing entirely) with having sex during your period (see link above for more information). If you aren't in a monogamous long-term relationship... you should be using condoms anyway! 

Here is some of what was said;


And then I had a volunteer email me her own account of having intercourse during menstruation:

Clearly this is a subject many people have lots to say about. And I'm glad it came out, because this wasn't even on my list of topics to write about... it just kinda happened on its own.

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Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years now. Our relationship was physical before any emotional attachments. But I think it's safe to say we are quite in love now. We are both each other's first sex partners although he had fooled around with oral sex in his earlier relationships.

When we are together it's quite impossible for us to keep our hands off each other. It's more of my fault actually since I use sex as validation for love. So the first time I was with him during my period we didn't hesitate to agree on having sex.

The issues I would like to point out are 1. Hygiene 2. Comfort 3. Birth control.

For hygiene we just needed some towels under my nether regions. We layered two towels with a plastic bag between them so as to prevent any stains on his bed sheet. We also had to keep tissues and a sanitary napkin nearby in case of any emergencies.

The comfort is totally dependent on the individual. Mentally if someone thinks it's gross, there's no point in doing it since what's the fun in doing something you won't enjoy? But fresh period blood does not smell bad at all. Smells kind of citrusy. I have to hand it to my boy though. He made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me. After some initial anxiety I was pretty happy.

Physical comfort for the girl can be an issue. During menstruation the cervix distends so the penis hits it harder and there is a lot more sensation. The guy here needs to he careful and adjust the speed and force of intercourse accordingly.

Recommended position would be missionary. I tried to ride him once while on my period and despite being extremely erotic and fun, it ended up in a mess of cum and blood on his pelvis.

Now because the girl is much more sensitive, condoms as a form of birth control might not be comfortable. My guy usually pulls out right before ejaculation but that might be risky as it requires practice and control. The female is said to be infertile during menstruation but there is a slight chance of pregnancy since sperm can live in the vaginal tract for upto 5 days. If someone's cycle is short and if ovulation occurs right after menstruation, there is a slight chance of fertilization. I would suggest if not done on the first day, keep some misoprostol handy.
The side effects include increase in blood flow after sex since the hormones released during an orgasm speed up the contractions of the womb causing faster expulsion of the uterine lining. My period lasts 5-6 days but if I have sex I'm done in 3-4 days.

Religiously, as far as I know, Islam condemns intercourse during menstruation.

Personally, I would recommend people to try it if they're curious and not grossed out. It can be a lot of fun since sensitivity is enhanced and if done on the first day you don't need to worry about birth control.
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Sounds like she really knows her stuff :) 'Cept one thing that I pointed out to her, and would like you to take note of  as well,  is that the withdrawal method is never reliable, because pre-ejaculate can get a person pregnant too.  

Just sayin' - You should always know what you're getting in to.....

Anyhoo, here's what the men had to say about sex & religion. Remember, dear readers - that tolerance is key - if there are views expressed here that offend you to your core, the best way to deal with that is expressing yourself in a well thought out, relevant comment.

Fahad, Male, 24 
I'm not sure that sex plays much of a role in religion aside from procreation - but I do know there are some specifics mentioned in the Quran.

Sultan, Male, 19
If you look at the view of a mainstream, conventional religious person – sex is very taboo. In religion it’s a very mechanical type thing.

Khizer, Male, 26
I think sex is a part of religion, I don’t know about other religions but in Islam it’s allowed and it’s a part of it. I don’t think it goes so deeply into kinkyness and fetishes etc but its something that is discussed, and Islam does tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, and why you should or shouldn’t … I’ve heard it tells you exactly how to do it because of why you should do it that way because it gives you a higher chance of pregnancy – missionary sex with her left leg on top of your right shoulder…or the other way… so it gets the deepest penetration.

Imad, Male, 25 
I think sex plays no role, absolutely no role in religion. Religion I think is all about restriction – more often than not – and giving yourself more things to do … more of a purpose, and restricting one of your most general desires is one of the biggest self-made purposes… so it has no role, technically.

Qasim, Male, 26
religiously, its purely seen as a way of procreating and thats it... ur supposed to have sex just so u can raise a family... have kids... religiously its not something for pleasure of excitement... its purely for the act of having a kid... ur not supposed to have sex for pleasure. 

Ali, Male, 29
In religion sex is something for which u should not be looking at grls, or using booze or anything... u just take her pants it and leave her... its wrong completely......  its for mens pleasure ... it is a very concealed  act.. u should not see womens body.. it should be dark when u have sex... and i disagree with that...

NJ, 42, Male
Difficult question. Well I think except Hinduism all religions think sex is for reproduction only. In islam maybe its both repro & enjoyment. But sometimes I think why minaret is like erect penis and domes look like big boobs ! 

Bilal, 24, Male
Im not the religious type, specially with my sexuality, im not  always thinking about sex and religion at the same time. That would seriously play havoc with my head.

S.K.A., 28, Male
In a society like ours, religion plays a part in everything. Too bad that the most distorted kind of Islam is all we get. Nowhere in Islam is it forbidden to have sex as recreation (albeit between married couples). We choose to ignore that. The curse of Selective Islamism! Muslims when it comes to sex, not when it comes to basic humanitarian principles of honesty, tolerance etc.

Hamid, 24, male
Sex for most religions is something that needs to be strongly and harshly contained and regulated. Rampant sexuality in a society has many ill consequences, and especially if we imagine the situation in the pre-scientific era when there was no such thing as ‘safe sex’ and there was practically no prevention against pregnancy and STDs, and the society was extremely misogynistic. There was some grain of wisdom in that religions tried to suppress and thwart the sexual impulse to avoid those evils, but I think these attempts were not successful and created many negative consequences of their own.

Arsalan, 20, Male
Well, Islam lays down strict injunctions about the subject, so yeah, sex does play a role in religion. I have studied about Islam a lot, and the fact that mystifies me is that while our religion lays down punsihments as extreme as  stoning for adultery, it doesn’t lay down any law about rape. Also, we have accounts of the prophet Muhammad taking sex-slaves as wives. A princess whose father, husband and entire tribe has been murdered, wouldn’t consent to sex with the man who perpetrated these acts willingly, would she?
Oh - and if u aren't the easily scandalized type - do go ahead and add me on Facebook