So the other day I received an email from Fahmida who wanted to share her story. I think its a very important one too.... because I'm sure a lot of women (especially Pakistani), can relate - but they may not have the courage to speak up....So thanks Fahmida for voicing this...you are a brave, strong and wonderful woman.
So once again, If you were in any way pressured/coaxed into it - that's a red flag for me.)
Don't do it any more. You are not his personal sex slave, that lives to please and satisfy him. You are a human being, who deserves to be appreciated too. I don't know how many countless (Pakistani/Desi/Muslim) women suffer through this same issue, my advice to all of them would be to stand up for themselves in the bedroom too. Sex is a very important part of your relationship and if you're not getting respect there, then you will probably not get it in other situations too. That cannot be a very happy way to live. You do not deserve that. If you're a desi man reading this, and you too refuse to 'travel south', then you should have the same standards when it comes to your own pleasure. No cunnilingus (should) = No Fellatio. You got that? None of this double standard bullshit.)
You articulate it so well, you definitely deserve it - and I think it's getting to a point where you need to address it or something will snap... it seems like things are at a tipping point right now. My advice to you would be an open, honest conversation. Sure, feelings will be hurt, he may be shocked...appalled even, at your 'shamelessness' and forwardness about female sexuality. But you need to address this pronto. I don't feel like you guys are on the same page about this at all. That misalignment of values could lead to something much bigger in the future.
I have received several emails about Oral sex and how it plays out in our culture, so I will be posting those soon too. But for now, my heart goes out to you Fahmida - you sound like the most caring and amazing wife, please don't continue to put yourself through this.
* * *
Update: It seems Fahmida's husband somehow figured out this story was about him(crap), despite details being changed. :/ Please remember folks, to clear 'paper trails' (e-trails) to my blog if your computer/phone is not private.
He left this comment below:
Oh Enemies of yourselves. Be mindful of Allah and be mindful of the day you have to stand before Allah and recount the time you've wasted, for it is time you will not get back.
This is "Fahmida's" husband. Your comments are sad reflection of privileged first world problems, as is her one-sided and highly inaccurate account. "Selective Memory" is a terrible problem, but in no matter do I care for a rebuttal.
What I do care for is to remind myself first and then you that these are matters to be decided upon.
Decide if you want to bear with patience and work through, or decide for divorce, which "Fahmida" knows full well she's been offered many times.
But decide, then move on. You have been given permission by your Lord to decide and move on.
You have not been given permission to indulge and write, and gossip and plot and plan and complain publicly.
Learn about your Deen. And learn one of the biggest responsibilities of our time here on earth is to spread the message of Islam and help those who TRULY are in need.
Not to endulge online in first world problems. Yes, many Muslim Women are sexually unsatisfied. Guess what, many Men are too. Fantastic. Now decide what you want to do and MOVE ON.
Take advantage of whatever you can of this temporary existence so you can actually get somewhere great (Jannah).
But if you can't move on from these online drugs (blogs, twitter, facebook, porn sites). Then at least do yourself a favour and spend time on-line finding out what the Prophet (pbuh) and his beloved Companions (ra) did in regards to sex, relationships, etc.Umm...seriously? Like marry six year olds? Consider puberty to be the age of consent?
At least that way you may be able to say you "spent" your time wisely. For they were the ones we know for sure to have been successful.
We can't say the same for those around us. It may be that Fahmida is a woman of Paradise married to a man of Hell. Why does she want sexual satisfaction from a man of Hell?
What does any of this article matter then?
Or vice versa.
Don't be enemies of yourself. You have an ETERNITY to worry about. Move on, and worry about it, rather then the temporary goods of your time here.
I pray to Allah for Guidance and Forgiveness for us all.
Assalamu alaikum, Anon.
I kinda assumed he was a fundie, sigh. It disturbs me when people put greater value on an unproven afterlife than the life they are currently *actually* living in. I am also amused by how he equates twitter and blogs with porn.
Poor Fahmida. My heart goes out to you.