Chacha’s aunt: When will you get married to Faheem?

Below is our first ever #ChachaFanFic :D - honoured to have received an ‘interview with Chacha’ from journalist Ahmed Yusuf (@ASYusuf), who works with Pakistan’s leading English daily, Dawn.

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Check out full Urdu translation here

Ahmed and his Chacha share many secrets.

Like the time when Ahmed ate all the chocolate that Uncle Faheem had gotten from Dubai. Ammi was livid, but Chacha came to the rescue. Then there was the time when Ahmed cut his elbow playing cricket and Chacha quickly put a plaster and let him play some more. Then there was the extra tub of chocolate ice-cream that Chacha smuggled into Ahmed's room after he had a tooth removed. There is a chamber of secrets between Ahmed and Chacha, but there is one thing there is no lying about: Chacha is gay.

“It is a strange world we live in; people ask questions about who you love and why you love them. Love is love yaar, that's what I want to teach Ahmed,” says Chacha.

Taken from Pakistani Children's book 'My Chacha is Gay' - see original post here

Like all young paternal uncles, Chacha is part Ahmed's best friend and part his guardian. I met him at their Karachi residence over tea one evening. Chacha, Ahmed and Uncle Faheem are global celebrities now. They are the stars of the children's book, My Chacha is Gay, and their story is being 

told in many languages by people all over the world. Except in Pakistan, where publishers are reluctant to place the book on the pretext of the country “not being ready” for such a book. Not that Chacha or Ahmed care about such things; they believe that the real bravado is in living an honest life. 

“Who are Ahmed's role models? His father, mother, and then family around him. Why should we lie to him or make excuses about who we are? Doing that will teach him to lie to those he loves and makes friends with,” says Chacha.

Ahmed's parents complain that Chacha spoils him too much. “You only get to be a kid once,” Chacha says in his defence. “I want to ensure that Ahmed and my niece Saima, who is too young to even speak yet, have an incredible childhood.”

Taken from Pakistani Children's book 'My Chacha is Gay' - see original post here

Chacha's desire to help his nephew and niece cherish their childhood stems from his own experiences while growing up. Much of Chacha’s childhood was spent in turmoil, trying to fit various moulds, and trying to hide who he was. He wants Ahmed and Saima to know that they will be loved no matter what, and that they should be proud of who they are and to stand up for themselves.

“I was bullied a lot in school. Over time, I learnt the most valuable lesson of my life: being any kind of different is okay.”

Today, life for Chacha is the same as it is for everyone else. He wakes up in the morning, occasionally drops Ahmed to school, goes to work, and returns home every evening. He enjoyed the serial Mera Sultan, but also loved the Masterchef Pakistan's debut season. Ahmed wants Chacha to compete in Masterchef Pakistan one day; Chacha’s Chicken Makhni (Butter Chicken) is divine, apparently. 

Photo from riotandfrolic.typepad.com

And it was on one of the Chicken Makhni feasts that Chacha’s maternal aunt first popped the question, “Faheem is such a nice boy, when are you two getting married?”

Taken from Pakistani Children's book 'My Chacha is Gay' - see original post here

Chacha was immediately taken aback, he recalls, while Faheem started laughing. “I tried explaining it to Khala that we can’t get married in Pakistan, that it's just not allowed, sadly. She still insists on a private ceremony.”

I ask Chacha what's stopped them from getting married abroad, where local imams perform nikah ceremonies for gay and queer Muslims?

“What's the point of getting married anywhere other than Pakistan? This is our home, this is where our friends and family are.” retorts an exasperated Chacha. “Can you have a Karachi Mehndi in London? No. Can you invite friends? No, not as many as we would like. Yes, we might be signing nikah papers in a mosque, with an imam saheb, but why do it without loved ones, who mostly live in Pakistan?”

For a gay man in Pakistan, Chacha is unusually confident - homosexuality is legally punishable in Pakistan, although social evidence point to other realities. He attributes this confidence to his belief in always speaking the truth.

“Look, if there was a creator and he had to hate me, he wouldn't have created me,” he asserts. 

The mood threatens to turn sombre, before Chacha blurts: “Yes I am gay, I am Pakistani, and I am a Muslim. Nobody can take that away from me. And yes, I love my nephew and niece, and I'd give my life for them in a flash.”

Point noted. I steer the conversation to how he met Faheem.

“We used to play cricket every weekend near the Mister Burger outlet on Tariq Road. One time, Faheem was there too. Long story short: we bonded on Pakola (ice cream soda), and the rest is history.”

What makes their relationship tick?

“Honesty, I think... Faheem, as you know, is a pilot and really isn't in Pakistan most of the year. Whenever he is, I tell him he has arrived on a 'trip' to Pakistan,” cheers Chacha.

“We decided to treat our relationship as a long-distance one. I think that has allowed us to manage our expectations with each other. But when Faheem is back, we go to a bunch of places together. Lots of restaurants and cafes around Karachi to experiment with. Faheem loves karahi from Super Highway; he won't go to Do Darya but to the original outlets to eat that. We end up at movies together. Basically everything that a regular, healthy couple does.”

Since Chacha lives as part of Ahmed's family, I ask whether it was ever awkward to talk about homosexuality with his nephew.

Taken from Pakistani Children's book 'My Chacha is Gay' - see original post here

“Oho yaar, it’s all about honesty and respect,” Chacha says. “Treat the child as a young adult and talk to them. I could lie to Ahmed about Faheem, but I have to teach him about my reality. I want to be honest with him.”

But how do you expect a child to accept something when most of society seems to be against you, simply because of your sexual orientation? Isn't that too great a burden?

“Pyaar is pyaar, yaar - that's what you teach a child. Else they can become beasts,” asserts Chacha.“We are a cruel people, sometimes. At work, one of my senior colleagues is gay but he hides it. People make fun of him, they bully him. He retreats into a shell. Then I think of some of my uncles and aunts. They had boyfriends and girlfriends, but never wanted to get married. I feel for them, maybe if they lived in better times, they could have been with or married those who they loved. But they couldn't. They suffered in silence. I want Ahmed to learn to be humane to all people, not be an insensitive and uninformed brat.”

Is he ever scared of being openly and unapologetically gay in Pakistan?

“Sometimes. I’m afraid of the persecution you know,” Chacha says, with a knowing nod directed at me. I nod back.

And what does his mother say? Does she approve of Faheem?

“My mom loves Faheem. She didn't always, but now that she has warmed up to the idea, she is thrilled that he brings such happiness to me. Before Faheem, she would complain that I was becoming a little distant from her. But finding love has brought me out of my shell. Her acceptance, whenever it came, meant a lot too,” he says pensively.

Chacha's mother now admires Faheem to the extent that she laments their dining out whenever Faheem is in town. “She says to us, ghar ka khana (home cooking) is also good for health. But sometimes, couples need their space. I would always want to go crabbing with Faheem and eat the aloo crab cutlets they make on the boat.”

The one thing that Chacha loves most about Karachi is that he can walk around holding hands with Faheem in public and no one bats an eyelid. As he puts it, two men holding hands is not an uncommon sight, but two men asking for the right to be in love is what upsets people.

“Even today, many of my colleagues who have known me for long are okay with homosexuality, but many are not comfortable talking about it. Things always get a bit awkward when I mention Faheem in a large group setting. I really wish that could change... I want to be able to speak about the people in my life just as anyone would,” Chacha says matter-of-factly.

“Till then, I am just happy that Faheem and I can take a walk down Seaview or even to our local street food vendor and hold hands without drawing attention to ourselves. It’s pyaar (love), yaar.”

Taken from Chacha & Faheem's Valentine's Day Post

***This is a piece of creative writing. All characters have been developed in consultation with the writer of the book, My Chacha is Gay***

Feel free to submit your own #ChachaFanFic, photo or fan art to me at nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom - just remember that Chacha is a children's book character so it can't be sexual, political, religious. Meet those requirements, make it kick ass, and I'll share it on the blog! :D 

If you wish to support the project, you can do so by ordering your own copy of My Chacha is Gay at www.mychachaisgay.com

-E xx 

My Chacha is Gay : It's been a whole YEAR!!

My Chacha is Gay from Eiynah NM on Vimeo.


Wow. I cannot believe how quickly this past year with Chacha has flown by. Mostly because my life has been a whirlwind of interviews, articles and discussions. A lot of them focused on Chacha and LGBT issues in South Asian communities.

This time last year I put up what I thought to be an unpublishable children's book, because simply, one does not mix anything but married heterosexuality and Pakistan. The response I received from the world was overwhelming and hugely supportive. I began my journey to crowdfund  the publishing. It was a success! With the largest contributions coming from Pakistan. I thank you all for supporting the project and making it such a success.

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We often write places like Pakistan off, and say they simply are not ready to accept things outside of the religious norm. But if this past year has proven anything, it's the fact that Pakistanis are just as ready as anywhere else to accept things like the modern notion of 'family'.... With a few roadblocks of course. But it is up to us to push the boundaries set in centuries past.

Below is an infographic I put together, documenting Chacha's eventful year!

And here are a few of the photos I received from lovely people all over the world, that purchased the book! 

Photo courtesy of Ali Sajid Imami

Photo courtesy of Louella Harley

Photo courtesy of Karina Schoene

Photo courtesy of Munr Saadt

So that's been our journey this past year! Hopefully there are more exciting things to come. 

I am also excited to announce that I have received my first ever Chacha Fan Fiction! Which I will be putting up shortly in the next day or two!

Feel free to submit your own #ChachaFanFic, photo or fan art to me at nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom - just remember that Chacha is a children's book character so it can't be sexual, political, religious. Meet those requirements, make it kick ass, and I'll share it on the blog! :D 

Anyhoo, thank you once again for all your love and support! It has meant a lot. 

-E xx 

Spicy Nihari & Fingerbanging. Not a good Mix.

Dear Eiynah, 

My wife and I enjoy your blog and we are glad that a Pakistani had the courage to tackle the messy, tangled, taboo web that is Pakistani Sexuality. Thank you for that, before your blog we really had no place to read about the sexcapades of fellow Pakistanis, its good to know that so many out there are human enough to have sex urges like the rest of us. Living amongst the "pious" and "pure" people of our country, one can easily begin to think that our people simply have no feeling left. Numbed by violence, tragedy and intolerance as well as a desire to repress sexuality, it isn't a stretch to think that all feeling is lost. But your blog reassures me that Pakistanis still have some left. 

So anyway, I come to you today with a rather um, awkward problem. I am a man in my thirties, happily married to a wonderful woman. We have a fantastic sex life, except a couple of times we've had an encounter with a specifically desi (South Asian) problem. Oh damn, I can't even believe I'm writing to you about this, but I bet this is something that has happened to more desis out there. I would love to hear that we are not alone. 

So basically the issue is this: after a large, delicious, spicy meal, typically something involving using your hands, like nihari, the smell and spice sort of lingers on your fingers. 

Even hours later, after multiple handwashings. Sometimes after nihari, later in the evening myself and the Mrs. get a little 'active' in the bedroom. My fingers travel down south and I am interrupted by a screech. Completely forgetting what we've had for lunch that day, I ask my wife whats wrong and she screams that my fingers have caused her genitals to burn and sting. I think back to what I ate, and fuck it's almost always nihari or some really spicy saalan (stew/curry). Completely ruins the mood, and she has to go run cold water over herself to ease the burning. And I'm left with my dick in my hand, cursing myself and my spicy lunch. 

I've actually remembered before when I've had spicy food to specifically scrub my hands before I get into bed and finger my wife. No luck. Same shit man. She still screams and complains that it burns. 

I don't know what to do - now this isn't with all desi meals, just with the extra gravyish and spicy ones. Do I have to choose between eating nihari and fingering my wife? Because goddamn it I love both those things so much. But the damn spiciness doesn't leave my fingers for hours. What do I do? 

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BaHAHahhahahahhahahahhahaHA

Oh dear. I am so sorry for laughing. But talk about 'desi problems' eh?

[Paraphrased] "I ate too much spicy food with my hands today, so I can't fingerbang my wife."

Shit dude, this is a real issue. I mean I don't know what to tell you? Scrub harder before fingering your wife. If that doesn't work, remember to go straight to oral the days you've had nihari type food? Don't skip on the foreplay and just stick it in, because that's just shitty sex. If your fingers are unusable for some reason, use the others 'parts' you have at your disposal.

You could also get a vibrator so you don't have to use your hands, I hear they have bootleggers for sex toys in Pakistan now (though how much I'd trust a sex toy bought from a shady guy in an alley, I don't know...see if he has customer references at least? Even then be wary.)

Eating certain foods with our hands, is just the way its done in Pakistani culture. Being the  traditional, cultural woman that I am, I wouldn't dream of asking you to give that up or give up nihari in general (that would be sinful, that stuff is *so* good). So yeah, try alternative ways, get creative. Plan nihari on unsexy nights? Haha I dunno, I don't have a magical antidote for your problem. It is rather unique.

But hopefully this post can get you thinking on the track of alternative courses of action. Maybe you can invest in a box of disposable rubber gloves and role play doctor once in a while?

If anyone else has come across this issue, and has a fix for it - please do leave a comment!

Boy, you really add a new dimension to "spicing things up in the bedroom".  Tingly, burny genitals do not sound fun. :/

But nihari is goood...so goooooood. It's a pity it had to cross paths with genitals. Definitely not genital friendly.

Mmm...I want to dip my nan in that right now. 

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Edit: I am being informed that some people have had this issue with oral too.... so proceed with caution - make sure several hours have passed. Mouthwash, rinse. Keep us posted ;) 

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A huge thanks to my patrons: Lisa Fontaine, Ali Sajid Imami, Humanist Agressor, Jesus&Mo, Pastafarian Woman, Alexander, Know the Question and Yasmien - your support means a lot and will help me allocate more time towards writing and drawing!

You too can support here ! 

If you feel my voice needs to be heard - and you can add a dollar or two to help this project continue, I would greatly appreciate it!
Cheers! 

Happy Valentine's Day from Chacha & Faheem!

I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day myself... but I sure do love seeing Chacha and Faheem being in love! I received a letter and a photo from him today, that he wanted me to pass on to all the wonderful folks who have supported the immense struggle it is to be Pakistani and not fit the very narrow mould set out for us.

Yes you can be Pakistani and different, yes you can be Muslim and not fit the 'norm'. Love who you are and don't let this nasty world get you down! xx

***

Chacha and Faheem are characters from Pakistan's first anti-homophobia children's book which you can view here

You can support the project and buy a copy of the book here

All copies purchased on Valentine's day will be signed with a 'Happy Valentine's Day' note from the author! 

Menstruation Makes you Unholy

So this weekend we were helping my aunt move. And gosh I love her to pieces...she is one of my few relatives that defends my right to disbelief as an equal right to having belief. Why can't we have more awesome Muslims like this in the world?

Anyhoo, we were just about done with moving the big stuff, like furniture, and her daughter tried to hand her a pile of books - which she suddenly backed away from. Saying no no, "haat pak nahi hain" (literally translated that means: My hands are impure)... Ah religious books, I thought to myself...women are not allowed to touch the Quran while menstruating.

This has always bothered me a lot. Because the messy stuff is occurring in the crotchal region, how then does it make your hands unclean? Apparently it makes your whole existence 'impure'. God will not listen to your prayers during this time either... because you are not allowed to pray, according to some scholars.

(Yes I know some hipster Muslims will jump on this and say that's not true... you're not interpreting the Quran/Hadith right...women are regarded as equals, and all that jazz...but no)

My aunt is a very modern, progressive woman...but still abides by that, as do most muslim women I know. I remember when I was kid, my mom was never really religious, but at one time during my preteen years she got cornered into Quran lessons over the phone, by an older woman. When she got her period she probably thought,

"Score, I get a few days off from these phone-in Quran lessons"

Oh, but she was mistaken. The older lady said...

"Why should you miss any days at all? Get yourself some thin gloves you can wear during the lesson, so it creates a barrier between your hands and the holy pages."

I remember being irritated even then. I don't remember if this was before I got my period or after... but in any case, I was aware of what menstruation was... and found it awful that a woman should not be allowed to hold a book while bleeding in a completely different part of her body. I'd get it if our hands bled during menstruation... I mean that would be messy as hell... and the book would be ruined... but this idea of impurity associated with womanhood that we as Muslim women are forced to internalize is abhorrent.

And also, it can't be easy turning pages while wearing gloves.

Here we have a traditional Pakistani bride, photographed during her
menstrual cycle. And well, you can see what happens, women
turn into flesh eating zombies, and need to be kept away from the
holy books, understandably so. 

I'm not blaming my aunt, she grew up thinking this, as did my mom. It's more of a reflex now, than something that is actively thought about.

And even logically though, lets say there was some 'magical impurity' emanating from a woman's being during her cycle that could cause damage to the holy book.... how on earth does a pair of flimsy gloves protect it?

But back to the story about moving...I was taken aback and my aunt gestured to my cousin to hand the pile of books to me, I didn't want to offend anyone else in the room because my association with Satan is a well known fact (I kid, but some muslim people don't like non-believers touching their scriptures), so out of respect for everyone else in the room I hesitated to grab the books (in case I was blamed for being disrespectful later)...and said.. well if her hands are impure now, mine are probably in a constant state of impurity. My dad winced at the reminder, lol. Oh dad.

But everyone indicated it was ok for me to grab the pile of holy books. So I did...and I did not burst into flame. Yay!

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But it got me thinking about what this is all based on...

Because surely now in the 21st century, people can conclude that if your hands are washed with soap, they are clean...right? So what's this impurity crap about? How petty of god to disallow prayer and worship during a menstrual cycle. (And yes, I know, Islam isn't the only religion with issues surrounding menstruation).

So here is what I found (see full website here):

“The menstruating woman and the one who is in a state of impurity (janaabah) (Janaabah = post-sex state of impurity) should not recite anything of the Qur’aan.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 131; Ibn Maajah, 595; al-Daaraqutni (1/117); al-Bayhaqi, 1/89.

On the flipside there was this:

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “There is no clear, saheeh text to indicate that a menstruating woman is forbidden to recite Qur’aan… It is known that women used to menstruate at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he did not forbid them to recite Qur’aan, or to remember Allaah (dhikr) and offer du’aa’.”

Preventing a menstruating woman from reciting Qur’aan deprives her of the chance to earn reward, and it may make her forget something of the Qur’aan, or she may need to recite it for the purposes of teaching or learning.

"God" forbid you deprive her the chance of that heavenly reward, and omfg what if she forgets something, that is .. you know, already written down...and readily available.

For this her impurity can be excused.

So basically it seems, there is no general consensus, and nobody is sure if god is really THAT petty or not... but:

"If a woman wants to err on the side of caution, she can limit her recitation to the passages which she is afraid of forgetting."

Gee thanks!

Oh wait....

"It is very important to note that what we have been discussing here is restricted to what a menstruating woman recites from memory. When it comes to reading from the Mus-haf (the Arabic text itself), a different rule applies. The correct view of the scholars is that it is forbidden to touch the mus-haf when one is in any kind of state of impurity, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):“… which none can touch except the purified.” [al-Waaqi’ah 56:79]. "

"In a letter to ‘Amr ibn Hazm, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the people of Yemen: “No one should touch the Qur’aan except one who is taahir (pure).”"

It summed up here by islamichelpline.net:

"This is an issue on which the scholars of Islam have a difference of opinion.  The best and most accepted opinion is that a woman who is in her menstrual period should abstain from touching the Quran, until she has purified herself.

Most of the scholars are of the opinion that there is no harm for a woman, who is in her menstrual period, to recite the Quran from memory." 

So thanks, we have the privilege of uttering the words in our state of feminine impurity, but we cannot touch.

Gosh darn it's good to feel loved. :)

Thanks Islam!

(If you think this is bad, you should see what the Orthodox Jews have going on during and after menstruation).

Also, a huge thanks to my patrons: Lisa Fontaine, Ali Sajid Imami, Humanist Agressor, Jesus&Mo, Pastafarian Woman, Know the Question - your support means a lot, and will help me allocate more time towards writing and drawing!

If anyone else would like to support, please do so here ! If you feel my voice needs to be heard - and you can add a dollar or two to help this project continue, I would greatly appreciate it!
Cheers! 

Dear Ben Affleck: Words from a Woman raised in Islam (unedited)

A bit of a preamble before the unedited letter: 

To all you wonderful folk who have taken the time to read and help spread my message, my letter to Ben - I am truly honoured, humbled and grateful. Thank you so much. Your kind words and encouragement have meant a lot to me. Forgive me if I have been unable to thank everyone individually. 

There have been some interesting conversations surrounding this letter. Some have called me, predictably, an 'Islamophobe'. Some have called me, rather confusingly, an 'Islamist'/apologist. I certainly can't be both. I was told by someone that I was aiding genocide through such a 'hateful' piece, that's a bit of a stretch - come on now! And from the side that called me an apologist, I was apparently unrealistic and disillusioned to think any Muslims at all could be peaceful. *sigh*

Some have asked me why, if I have the courage to speak out, I have not left the faith? 

If you have followed me for some time - you will know that I am indeed an atheist - and a vocal one at that. I refer to myself as a 'woman born and raised in Islam' and loosely group myself in with other muslims when i say 'we' (because even as an ex-muslim I do consider myself as part of the community) in the article. I do not however refer to myself as a 'Muslim woman'. The difference is subtle, I know. The piece was for a Pakistani publication, and so had to be worded this way. Even publishing this was an act of courage on their part. I am especially grateful to them for giving me a Pakistani platform to speak from. That kind of openness on their part is truly game-changing. 

You might see some articles about this letter, with sensationalist headlines such as 'Muslim woman speaks out against Islam', etc. That is a misrepresentation, because I am not a practising Muslim. 

I'd also just like to take a moment to talk about journalism etiquette. I have been hearing from several journalists who want to reprint the piece - and that is excellent. Please, by all means reprint and help spread the message. If you get in touch with me, I will most likely welcome the opportunity to have my words heard by a larger audience. Maybe we'll even get a response/reaction from Ben? (Nah, that's a long shot) 

There have been some instances however, where journalists have felt it is ok to copy and paste my ENTIRE piece as a 'quote'. My artwork was also used without even asking or informing me. Even though *eventually* properly attributed to me, one would expect that it is a basic courtesy to ask the person who's work you are using to funnel traffic to your website. Even if the piece in question is titled 'open letter', and is intended for public reading, one assumes that common courtesy will still prevail. 

Its not just one publication, several large name publications have used my work without sourcing properly in the past. I have always found this unfair, but am really unable to control it, as a not-so-important blogger. When I call this behaviour out, I am told to show 'gratitude' for the extra publicity. :/ 

I was actually even told by someone that I had 'delusions of grandeur' for expecting that publications would ask before lifting my piece. 

I'm wondering though, if these publications would be ok with me taking their articles and publishing on my blog (as a quote) and attributing to the first name of the author? 

So there is a writer called Joe who has some stuff to say:

"Joe's words, Joe's words"

he also says:

"Joe's words, Joe's words, Joe's entire piece." 

Yeah, something about that would rub them the wrong way, I'm sure. I dare not try it. I'm also not a journalist, so what would I know? 

Anyhow, individual use is also different from public use. If you want to post it up as your Facebook status, go for it. Share it in any way you like. But if you are a reputable publication - I will at least expect you to ask before. Just ask... that's all. :) If you don't ask, there is not much I can do, my work is up on the internet....I cannot control what you do with it. But it would be nice if you asked before using it to get hits on your site. Cheers. 

And now below, I will share with you my original unedited letter to Ben. Which for obvious reasons could not be printed as is. 

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Dear Ben, 

I am writing to you today, as a woman who was born and raised in Islam. I saw your discussion with Bill Maher and Sam Harris - And I must say, you did me a great disservice that day. Your heart was in the right place, of course, and it was lovely of you to step up and defend ‘my people’. 

What you really did though, perhaps inadvertently, was silence a conversation that never gets started. Two people attempted to begin a dialogue and you wouldn’t even listen. Why should any set of ideas be above criticism, Ben? 

Why are Muslims being ‘preserved’ in some time-capsule of centuries gone by? Why is it ok that we continue to live in a world where our women are compared to candy -- waiting to be consumed? Why is it ok for women of the rest of the world to fight for freedom and equality, while we are told to cover our shameful bodies? Can't you see that we are being held back from joining this elite club known as the 21st century? 

image from mahavalous.com

Noble liberals like yourself always stand up for the misrepresented Muslims and stand against the Islamophobes, which is great -- but who stands in my corner, and for the others who have been oppressed by the 'religion of peace'? Every time we raise our voices, one of us is killed or threatened. I am a blogger and illustrator, no threat to anyone Ben - except for those afraid of words and drawings. I want the freedom to express myself, without the very real fear that I might be killed for it. Is that too much to ask?

When I wrote a children’s book that carried a message of diversity and inclusivity for everyone, my life changed. My book, ‘My Chacha (uncle) is Gay' has the innocent anti-homophobia message, ‘Love belongs to Everyone’. This was not palatable to many of my Muslim brothers and sisters. 

Since that project I have been declared an ‘enemy of god’ and deemed worthy of death. All because I want to help create a world where South Asian children too can have their stories told, so they too can know that love comes in all forms, and that that’s ok. My muslim brothers and sisters were hit hard by this work because it addresses the issue of homophobia within our own community. It is not something they can pass off as ‘Western' immorality. Just like they deny that any issues exist within the doctrine of Islam, many deny that homosexuality exists amongst good, ‘moral’ muslims. 

Just like that, millions of people’s existence is rejected. Please do not defend people who think this way, and let me tell you Ben, many ‘good’ muslims do think this way.  

What you did by screaming ‘racist!’, was shut down a conversation that many of us have been waiting to have. You helped those who wish to deny there are issues, deny them. You became an instant hero, a defender of Islam. It’s kind, it really is. I understand, because I too am plagued and affected by the issues brought about by actual Islamophobia. I have a muslim name and brown skin, my peaceful relatives have been pushed in the subway and called ‘terrorist’ for no reason. 

I get that. 

We must distinguish critiquing an ideology from being hateful towards a group of people. And for this reason I think that tackling the issues within Islam should be two-pronged. They must be brought up, but simultaneously we should stress that blame for these issues cannot be placed on individuals. 

I am Pakistan’s only sex blogger, I am also a woman. I am by default a lesser being within Islam. The fact that I talk about sex makes me even more worthy of disgust. Sex is not something easily discussed amongst muslims. And in the efforts of preserving our religious purity, we let some very immoral acts slide. Things that can often be justified by religious scripture. I speak to women every day who suffer under the religion of peace because they are not held as equals. There are things you can use to justify marital rape within the texts, and things you can use to justify pedophilia, there are things you can use to justify beheading infidels and apostates - just as ISIS does. That is not to say that ALL muslims are pedophiles, rapists or violent beheaders, or that Islam promotes these things. But if you are a person looking to justify such acts, you may find what you are looking for within the texts. Countless numbers of people suffer because of this, Ben. 

Who will stand up for those people? In the interest of being politically correct and ‘liberal’ we silence the voices of millions. I am turning to you because you were instrumental in starting this conversation. Those of us who want reform are muted by extremists, as well as the liberals who betray us in the name of multiculturalism. 

ISIS paints a horrific picture, so I understand the knee-jerk reaction to deny any link. Most muslims choose to interpret scripture in a peaceful way, but that doesn’t mean the raw material isn’t there for those who choose the path of violence. That material must be addressed.  

Can we talk about the blatant double standards and violation of human rights, for a second? Mosques are built throughout Western countries, usually without much issue. But in the hub of Islam, the heart of Islam - in Saudi Arabia no one but muslims are allowed to officially practise their faith. There are no churches, temples or synagogues - because Saudi Arabia will not permit any non-muslim place of worship to exist. Who will hold them accountable for such injustice if we hush everyone who speaks out against Islam? 

What is so wrong with wanting to step into the current century? Why is there shame in accepting a book that is over a thousand years old just doesn’t hold up anymore? There should be no shame. There is no denying that violence, misogyny and homophobia exist in all religious texts, but Islam is the only religion that is adhered to so literally, to this day.

In your culture you have the luxury of calling such literalists “crazies", like the Westboro Baptist Church for example. In my culture, such values are upheld by more people than we realise. Many will try to deny it, but please hear me when I say that these are not fringe values. It is apparent in the lacking numbers of Muslims willing to speak out against the archaic Shariah law. The lack of acceptance for any alternate sexuality, the punishment for blasphemy and apostasy, these things are tools of oppression. Why are they not addressed even by the peaceful folk who “aren’t fanatical, who just want to have some sandwiches and pray five times a day?” Where are the Muslim protestors against Blasphemy laws/apostasy? Where are the Muslims who take a stand against Shariah? These sandwich-eating peaceful folk do not defend those suffering in the name of Islam Ben, and therein lies our problem.  

Maybe the points Maher and Harris were trying to make are more easily digested when coming from within the community, I can appreciate that. That is why I am writing to you, as someone who has personally been hurt by the lack of acknowledgement of these issues. 

If Muslims do not critique the atrocities that the religion *can* justify, then people on the outside will - and their message will not be listened to simply because of who they are. Its a vicious cycle, one that can only break if indeed, like Harris said, true reformers are empowered. 

I ask you and anyone reading this, to make an effort to seek out reformers from within our community, and support them in any way you can. 

If I were allowed to meet a man that is not my father, brother or husband unchaperoned - I would have loved to discuss this over drinks (which I am also not allowed to have) with you. So you see, things must change.

Sincerely, 

Eiynah

#EidBook

There were no references for me as a kid - in popular culture, storybooks or in the media that I was exposed to...there was nothing to find myself in, or any kid that looked like me. It was like sailing through childhood without an anchor.

There were no storybooks about Muslim kids, there were no movies about Pakistani kids. There were tons of cartoons, movies, stories about Christmas and Halloween...I wanted so badly for our holiday to be as fun. But it always seemed more about stuff the adults wanted to do, than making anything about the kids. It wasn't about passing on a feeling, a tradition that was made to be enjoyable for children, it wasn't tailored to fit us, we were tailored (literally) to fit Eid.

Sheer Khorma (a vermicelli milk-based dish) is not exactly a child-friendly dessert. A stark white envelope of cash is not really fuel for your imagination. Of course, some individual families may make the effort to buy gifts and wrap them up, do more kid friendly things - but as a whole Eid doesn't measure up. Let's face it. And it's on us, we as a culture don't make the effort to make things kid-friendly.

I am not a fan of religion, nor an adherent. But the Muslim part of me is my history. Its an important part of my identity. I may not be a practising Muslim who will raise Muslim children in the traditional sense. But all the biases and prejudices against Muslims do affect my life. I have a Muslim name, an olive-skinned face, my over 65 year old dad has been harassed on a plane before because of his Muslim name. My brother was yelled at on the subway and called a 'terrorist', because he has a tiny goatee. I won't even get into the countless issues my husband has had with travel because of his name. So being 'Muslim' is a part of my life, whether it is my religion or not. This is why I chose my next book to focus on the Muslim holiday of Eid.

I want our kids to see themselves in books, to see the diversity amongst Muslims. Every child in the world needs education about diversity, but Muslim kids are in desperate need of it. Increasingly so, fundamentalist Muslims interpret their religion in a way that is rigid, literal - with no room for diversity. In their eyes, there is only one kind of Muslim, one way to practice. People who practice differently or don't practice at all are worthy of death. This is the ignorant hateful mentality that is at risk of spreading.

Muslim children's stories should be told too. As I've mentioned before, in my opinion - Muslim kids have *very* little in terms of resources that are not written from an extreme religious perspective.

Diverse storybooks are also desperately needed globally, especially in multicultural societies like the one I live in, in Toronto. Non-Muslim children need to hear about Muslim children in a positive light, not just in the way the media portrays the culture and community...

I may be a non-believer, but I recognize that Eid or Islam, or religion in general is not going anywhere. Which is why I think its important to stress that we re-evaluate, reform and seriously update what we do have in existence.

I will not raise my future kids in the faith, but they'll definitely know what Eid is. And perhaps we will have a re-interpreted, non-religious celebration of it in our home. I'm sure there are plenty of other Muslim, Ex-Muslim parents who feel that way. But in order for that to happen, we need to bridge the gap between our lack of belief in the religion and our culture/history. As it stands right now, these aspects cannot co-exist peacefully.

What I have tried to communicate in the story below, is a delicate balance. It was incredibly difficult, and I don't know if I succeeded at all - but I will lay my aims out and patiently await your judgement;

I aim to speak to both non-theist families as well as traditional Muslims, while referencing the holiday of Eid. I hope to have created something that children will enjoy visually and conceptually. I also hope it is relatable to children from muslim families of all types, all over the globe.

I feel it's important to bridge this gap between the practicing and non-practicing especially in Islam, because it is really only us that interpret things so literally still. It is Muslims who cling on to blasphemy laws. It is Muslims who wish to punish people who have left the faith, and the less extreme wish to scrutinize those who are not as pious. In most other religions, whether you practice or not isn't regarded with such strictness...Imagine if our children were taught this fluidity, this softness and tolerance.

All I want to say is, that its okay - whatever your family is like and however they choose to practice or not practice... its okay. The degrees of religiosity of the characters in the book vary to a great degree. Some pray, some don't. There is mention of 'blessings from above' which I hope to be interpreted in whatever way you see fit - either the traditional 'God has blessed us' or simply that blessings from above could refer to the sun's energy and its link to our ecosystem...

I hope, for kids like myself who would have rather played Super Nintendo in their rooms throughout Eid parties, that more kid-friendly Eid things follow. I hope children can be taught that varying degrees of religiosity or non religiosity exist, that several types of Muslims exist. That Muslim kids in the West can see themselves in the general narrative...that they stop being seen as the 'other'...that the rest of the world gets to see Islam in a softer, more positive light.

For me, Eid didn't rock from an early age, and it definitely lost almost all its appeal when I was too old to receive cash (the only incentive I had). I think that happened when I was about 13...for my future kids I hope to include Eid in their life, and I hope its a little more fun by then. Its time Muslim culture did more things that were kid-friendly, that didn't involve harsh, rigid religiosity, it's time we let Muslim kids breathe, play, imagine...

This book is dedicated to everyone who has been told they are not the right kind of Muslim, to all those who have been told they are not Muslim enough, to anyone questioning and needing the space, to ex-Muslims who's history is delicately intertwined with their lives. To Ahmedis, To Shias, To Ismailis ...may we raise kids with more tolerance than the current generation.

Enjoy!

Ps - I realize that some of you might scream 'Orientalism' about my minaret skyline, I will ask you not to be so tightly wound. A condo and skyscraper skyline was just not cutting it.

(click photos to enlarge)