Thursday, February 19, 2015

Spicy Nihari & Fingerbanging. Not a good Mix.


Dear Eiynah, 

My wife and I enjoy your blog and we are glad that a Pakistani had the courage to tackle the messy, tangled, taboo web that is Pakistani Sexuality. Thank you for that, before your blog we really had no place to read about the sexcapades of fellow Pakistanis, its good to know that so many out there are human enough to have sex urges like the rest of us. Living amongst the "pious" and "pure" people of our country, one can easily begin to think that our people simply have no feeling left. Numbed by violence, tragedy and intolerance as well as a desire to repress sexuality, it isn't a stretch to think that all feeling is lost. But your blog reassures me that Pakistanis still have some left. 

So anyway, I come to you today with a rather um, awkward problem. I am a man in my thirties, happily married to a wonderful woman. We have a fantastic sex life, except a couple of times we've had an encounter with a specifically desi (South Asian) problem. Oh damn, I can't even believe I'm writing to you about this, but I bet this is something that has happened to more desis out there. I would love to hear that we are not alone. 

So basically the issue is this: after a large, delicious, spicy meal, typically something involving using your hands, like nihari, the smell and spice sort of lingers on your fingers. 




Even hours later, after multiple handwashings. Sometimes after nihari, later in the evening myself and the Mrs. get a little 'active' in the bedroom. My fingers travel down south and I am interrupted by a screech. Completely forgetting what we've had for lunch that day, I ask my wife whats wrong and she screams that my fingers have caused her genitals to burn and sting. I think back to what I ate, and fuck it's almost always nihari or some really spicy saalan (stew/curry). Completely ruins the mood, and she has to go run cold water over herself to ease the burning. And I'm left with my dick in my hand, cursing myself and my spicy lunch. 

I've actually remembered before when I've had spicy food to specifically scrub my hands before I get into bed and finger my wife. No luck. Same shit man. She still screams and complains that it burns. 

I don't know what to do - now this isn't with all desi meals, just with the extra gravyish and spicy ones. Do I have to choose between eating nihari and fingering my wife? Because goddamn it I love both those things so much. But the damn spiciness doesn't leave my fingers for hours. What do I do? 

****

BaHAHahhahahahhahahahhahaHA

Oh dear. I am so sorry for laughing. But talk about 'desi problems' eh?

[Paraphrased] "I ate too much spicy food with my hands today, so I can't fingerbang my wife."

Shit dude, this is a real issue. I mean I don't know what to tell you? Scrub harder before fingering your wife. If that doesn't work, remember to go straight to oral the days you've had nihari type food? Don't skip on the foreplay and just stick it in, because that's just shitty sex. If your fingers are unusable for some reason, use the others 'parts' you have at your disposal.

You could also get a vibrator so you don't have to use your hands, I hear they have bootleggers for sex toys in Pakistan now (though how much I'd trust a sex toy bought from a shady guy in an alley, I don't know...see if he has customer references at least? Even then be wary.)

Eating certain foods with our hands, is just the way its done in Pakistani culture. Being the  traditional, cultural woman that I am, I wouldn't dream of asking you to give that up or give up nihari in general (that would be sinful, that stuff is *so* good). So yeah, try alternative ways, get creative. Plan nihari on unsexy nights? Haha I dunno, I don't have a magical antidote for your problem. It is rather unique.

But hopefully this post can get you thinking on the track of alternative courses of action. Maybe you can invest in a box of disposable rubber gloves and role play doctor once in a while?

If anyone else has come across this issue, and has a fix for it - please do leave a comment!

Boy, you really add a new dimension to "spicing things up in the bedroom".  Tingly, burny genitals do not sound fun. :/

But nihari is goood...so goooooood. It's a pity it had to cross paths with genitals. Definitely not genital friendly.

Mmm...I want to dip my nan in that right now. 
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Edit: I am being informed that some people have had this issue with oral too.... so proceed with caution - make sure several hours have passed. Mouthwash, rinse. Keep us posted ;) 

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15 comments:

  1. after i chop chillies up, i rinse my hands with mik or pour yogurt on my hands and let the yogurt stay on there for a couple minutes. the enzymes in the dairy break of the capcisum oils so maybe that can help with this issue.

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  2. Bowl of hot water, squeeze lemon into it, and thoroughly rinse your fingers in that for a few minutes. Should get rid of it all. Though the comment above makes sense as well.

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    1. Though I don't think citrus residue would be very genital friendly either. So perhaps wash hands with soap after that? Thanks for the tip though!

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  3. I've heard that they sell vibrators at Mark's and Victoria.

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  4. There is actually a fetish based on penetration with spices. It's called figging.

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  5. Don't want to sound like an orientalist but you could use a knife and fork on those nights you plan on making your moves. This would also be a subtle signal to the wife. When she sees the cutlery come out she'll know you want dessert.

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    1. That is gross and racist (I kid, I kid) - but there are some things you just don't do.... one of them is eating nihari and naan with a knife and fork.. *gasssssp* - I mean many of us use cutlery for rice and curries eaten with rice. Nihari is a bread dipping curry usually. But yeah, if this is a continuous problem... then it might have to be given some consideration.

      Nihari with a knife and fork? = Sexy times! :D

      Loling at the idea of that becoming a signal. I'd rather not see that happening at the parental home then... like ever.

      "But mom and dad, why are you guys eating your nihari with cutlery today?.. omfg forget I asked"

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    2. Side effect: your wife starts to have a Pavlovian reaction to utensils.

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  6. I found this link about 'jalapeno skin burns' and remedies. But most of these remedies are for handwashing. I don't think a lot of them would be safe for use on genitals. But you may want to consider the *hand* related tips pre-sex :

    http://www.med-health.net/Jalapeno-Skin-Burn.html

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  7. I can't even imagine how much that would burn. The guy above who said lemon got it right. Lemon is a natural de-greaser so it will get rif of the residue. The lemon can then be washed off with water as it is water soluble.

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  8. Second both the lemon suggestion as also the milk/ yogurt suggestion. For the fingers and also the lips and mouths of both partners.

    Better to check her tolerance with lips and tongue on her first, before trying inserting fingers. If she is fine, maybe both!

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  9. Maybe try doing dishes. That's lots of soaking hands in soap and water for atleast 10 minutes.

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  10. Nihari-Eating FingerBangerMarch 15, 2015 at 2:06 PM

    Hey Eiynah! Thanks so much for this. Loved your responses, and found some interesting helpful ideas from others also...Glad to share my story, and happy to see it being talked about and entertaining people. I am happy you saw the humour in the situation as I did. Keep up the great blogging! You are such a help in a culture of sexlessness.

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  11. he has 2 hands, why can't he eat with one and please his wife with the other?

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