Tuesday, November 29, 2011

How to spot a Homophobe

Just like regular decent people, homophobes come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they're hard to spot, because they're masquerading as tolerant...but fear not dear readers...because my homophobe-spotter is just as sharp as my 'gaydar'...You will soon be able to see these types from a mile away, and avoid the frustration of ignorant conversation.

I was inspired to write today because I came across some old pictures I took at Pride a couple of years ago.

Our annual Pride Parade is really something...we have people coming from all over the world to witness this wonderfully inclusive part of Toronto culture <3... and its a freakin' blast, whether you're gay or straight or bi or trans.... as long as you're open minded, you're guaranteed to have a good time. What i don't recommend however, is going with your mom...or dad...(especially if you're brown)

Not that I did, but every year my mom wants to tag along with us. I have to politely refuse, because as close as we are and as liberal as she is....it'd be a bit strange to watch so much nudity and sexuality shimmy down the street while she's there. Plus we wouldn't be able to get totally shmammered and idiotic....so each year I have to remind her, "I love you mom... but this is one thing we can't do together" and she's always like, "whats the big deal... its just a parade"... one year though, my poor younger sister got suckered into going with my mom...AND dad. My dad was less than enthusiastic, but he happened to be downtown for other reasons, and couldn't avoid it.

Now, my dad's a fantastic guy... liberal in many many ways... but something like homosexuality bothers him to a degree I just don't get. But then again, just sexuality in general is a bit much for him to handle. He can't even stand a simple discussion... or even the mention of the word sex...so I guess expecting him to be ok with sex that's not even 'mainstream' is a bit of a stretch. Its hard for me to say that he's a homophobe...because that's such an ugly word for someone I love so much..but lets face it..a lot of our dads probably are, to some degree. You can't entirely fault them for it either - its a generational thing, they're a product of their upbringing and the world that surrounded them back in the day. Once they've gone through more than half a century set in their ways, you can't get through to them.... so you've gotta forgive that particular strain of homophobia, they can't help it. In the same way, a lot of old people say so many racist things too....its just the way the world was when they were forming their identities. *shrug*

But where was I....oh yea - so......my sister and the parents.. out on the street for pride parade .... holy shit! I was a few blocks away thoroughly enjoying my time, but my poor sibling was busy diffusing tension. My dad had been dragged into this by my overly adventurous mom... and soon they had both had enough...the nudist part of the parade wasn't especially enjoyable for them, its a bunch of saggy, naked old men usually, not the best sight at pride, but lets not get discriminatory here. If ya don't wanna see it, stay at home.

As much as I didn't want to hang out with my parents that day, curiosity got the better of me...I was dying to hear what they had to say...especially after I saw this multi-cultural group in the parade...and one of the guys was holding a Pakistani flag (had his face mostly covered with a black hoodie though, poor guy)...so we gave 'em a call and found them in a food court near by. My dad was sitting there looking particularly shocked, and my mom was all bubbly and full of stories. Typical. My dad was pissed, especially at the Pakistani guy. I couldn't really reason with him. He doesn't explain why this angers him so much...it just does. But like I said before, so does sexuality in general...he is a product of migration and partition between India and Pakistan, he has witnessed countless horrific things since childhood. He has seen things like death, burning, disease....to him these are real problems....and such flamboyant displays of sexuality are just not serious enough to be treated as issues.

Back in his time people didn't have the courage to demand such rights, they were just happy they survived the migration. There was no place for things like orientation amidst things like hunger, poverty, losing loved ones, watching people be hacked to death....

But I digress, this isn't a post about my dad, in fact its a post about stuff he's not very fond of at all...like I said, I can forgive and almost understand his reluctance to accept anything that's different from what he's used to. But what I don't get is how and why many young, educated people are so intolerant of homosexuality.

There's a couple of types that specifically piss me off;

(*Jahil = Illiterate)

1) The complete 'Jahil'*: this kind of person is the worst by far, doesn't know jack about anything...and will usually quote something like religion, with no logic or reason to back their hatred of homosexuality. Don't bother arguing, or trying to explain anything to them, because they usually have the intellect of a squirrel, with really thick skulls that are virtually impenetrable. Sadly some of them are totally and hypocritically gay themselves.

When writing about these freaks I'm reminded of a news report I saw in Karachi approximately 5 yrs ago; it was about a (bearded)Muslim man who confessed to the imam of his mosque that he was acting out on his homosexual desires, the imam told him that that was a sin and to absolve himself he should sacrifice something that was dear to him....what this scrotumface translated that into was ghastly beyond words. He thought the only way his gayness would be 'cured' and forgiven was if he chopped the heads off all 3 of his sleeping children. And so that's what this asshole did. I don't know what became of him.....but for fucks sake....its idiots like that that give Islam a bad name. And what a dickwad imam too.... ugh.... none of this would happen if our people were more educated.

2)The 'Educated' Jahil: A living, breathing oxymoron. They're hard to figure out really, they live amongst us, they're doctors, teachers, lawyers...etc. And you won't be able to tell at first, because they're seemingly learned...well-traveled...but then one day you're having a conversation with them and they'll say something like, "omg, there's a gay guy at my work...its so disgusting, its just not natural" And be warned, that'll completely catch you off guard..but remain calm - because getting ur panties in a bunch and trying to argue with these types is pretty pointless too. Their educated side has usually been glazed over with a wash of blind faith. And I have no problem with people of religion, as long as their critical thinking skills and logic remain intact.

3)The Pseudo-liberal Ignoramus: this kind of person likes to pretend they're ok with everything when they're really not. They'll usually say things that'll clue you in to their particular condition. Something like, "Oh I'm fine with gay people as long as they don't try to hit on me." Wtf does that mean? really...you think you're that attractive that you'll tempt every single gay person of the same sex that you cross paths with...? Its just as ludicrous as a straight person assuming that everyone of the opposite sex wants to sleep with them (ugh and those exist too)...or they might say something like, "I'm fine with gay people as long as they don't touch each other in front of me..." So its ok for you to suck your ugly partners face in front of everyone but gay people need to keep it in the bedroom? That's bullshit.

4) The Double-Standard Douche: Sadly, this type is almost always male. Will make it clear that he's not ok with male homosexuality, but will make it a point to specify that he's fine with lesbians....will usually follow this up with a comment on how he'd like to 'do it' with a lesbian. Sorry dumbass....a lesbian's not likely to do it with you....especially you! And I'm not trying to say that any guy with a lesbian fantasy is a dick....just the ones that are homophobes at the same time. Cuz yeah, lets face it... most guys love the idea of two ladies gettin' it on...and if you aren't a homo-hater, there ain't nothing wrong with visualizing two lovely ladies. But if you hate homosexuality.. then stick with it asshole... be consistent, don't drop the hate when its convenient.


There ya have it folks, those are the main types I've been able to identify...feel free to let me know if you've spotted any other varieties. If you really want to be sure you aren't catching homophobe cooties...then print out the following picture (i took it at the Parade, you're welcome :P)...keep it in your wallet...if ever in doubt...pull it out, and all possible homophobes will clear the room!

I kid, I kid.....seriously, that picture could send a lot of perfectly nice people screaming if they aren't expecting it...sooo don't subject unsuspecting passersby to it. However, if you really want to, you can link em to the blog.

And for those of you whose eyes are burning from the previous visual, I'll post a picture that turned up on my camera after my husband was holding it for a while.

Ah Pride....something for everyone... really. :)

On a more serious note however, sometimes I get comments like this from readers,

On Homosexuality:

I don’t believe its natural, most homosexuals I know of turned gay after some incident,esp. something in their childhood…for me the thought of having feelings for a person of the same gender is just way out there for me to be able to comprehend it…

On Gender Reassignment:

Against it, we are who we are born and we need to respect that…changing genders is
disgusting for me, each gender is special and we should all value what we have and
embrace and enjoy it, not go looking for something else…the grass isn’t always greener
on the other side…

If that's how you're feeling, then I'd love to talk...maybe a little more information could sway you...and maybe not - but either way discussion is always healthy.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Don't fuck the Dead....

It might be Halloween, but this shit is creepy to a whole other level. I honestly never thought I'd come across a story about a necrophiliac in Karachi...

Apparently a 28 year old caretaker at a Paposh Nagar graveyard has been charged with Necrophilia...and with possession of Hashish too....theres a joke in there somewhere, but I'll spare you..it'd be in bad taste anyhow :P

I mean, desi guys don't fuck dead people....sure they may eat dead people, as we all heard about that jaw-dropping cannibal story recently. They may fuck donkeys, siblings, children.... but dead people? I wouldn't 'a thought in a million years. I always assumed necrophilia was a western phenomenon, where people fucked themselves to boredom, or had taken experimentation to a sick new level. As great as sex is, it can definitely be a doorway to some seriously dark stuff - if you're twistedly inclined that is. And by dark stuff, i don't mean whips and chains... i mean crap like this - violating dead bodies...


How does one get into that anyhow? I mean...something has to have broken inside you, somewhere along the way...

In university, I wore a lot of black, like A LOT. and I hung out with a bunch of people that wore black too. When we walked around it was like a giant black cloud of lace and boots, and fishnet, spikes....black eye shadow...and neon hair. Of course, we often frightened the mainstreamers....and it was fun. Sometimes we'd sit at the campus pub being stared at by a group of jocks, and we'd toast to something ridiculous like 'necrophilia' - and then we'd just sit back... watch them whisper, and freak the fuck out. Seriously...people actually believed we were into necrophilia. We only toasted to it because that's how ludicrous and far removed from our lives it was. But I'm assuming all the dark clothing, make up, piercings, skull paraphernalia made 'em assume that we were some really messed up individuals.

The reason I bring this story up is to illustrate the point that you can't really judge someone by the way they look. Obviously necrophilia is as disturbing to me as it is to the average person, doesn't matter how many skulls I used to wear in college. And in the same way, if you put any Pakistani male in front of me... I'd never ever....ever....imagine that he liked to screw corpses. It's mind-boggling really.

I wouldn't even have heard of this story if i wasn't at my parents house this past weekend....my dad always rebelliously turns the Geo on, no matter how many people in the room are begging him not to. But this time it was actually interesting(and I'm not saying that news about Pakistan is usually of no interest to me, but its sadly always the same. Between that and the difficult Urdu they use in the news, I quickly lose interest)... my mom gasped and said "What is our country coming to...there is a man raping dead women in Karachi!!"

I nodded blankly, as I normally do, and then did a double take "WHaa-AAt!? Sex with dead bodies in our holy motherland?"

My dad quickly changed the channel and pretended it didn't happen, in true Pakistani form....denial..denial...denial....la la la la....

This is no joking matter, of course.... but pretending it never happened won't go away. I wonder how many cases like this have remained unreported in our country, just because its too disturbing an issue to dive into.

Open up and speak people, share your thoughts...talk to your friends and family. See what they have to say about this story. Pakistani sexuality obviously has layers and aspects that have previously been unheard of. We at least need to be aware of such things. Don't be my dad, and don't just change the channel. (He's an awesome guy...just can't deal with disturbing things...its the way he was raised...so don't be raisin' ur baby pakis like that :) )

Monday, October 24, 2011

Zarina Aunty ke sath Aik he Bed per Sleeping...

Now in the past I've said that interview-wise, the men have been less than exciting, and its always women who have a lot to say... but I take that back. My next interviewee is none other than NJ from my last post. And boy he's got plenty to say...not only are his stories...umm interesting, to say the least, but his choice of words is rather unique as well. He is certainly not shy about sharing details.

Instead of writing a few points at the end, I'm going to tackle this question by question...i just have too much to say.

(Also please note, that this is not NJ's entire interview, only the topics I've covered so far have been included...the rest will follow soon)

NJ, 42, Male

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?

well I think nature played its role. Very young age while playing with my m(ale) friend & neighbor we tried to experiment smelling & sucking licking each others penis & butts.

Well, thanks for that very clear visual NJ, I do appreciate your honesty, but you forgot to mention around what age this experience occurred. Also, I'm sure you're not the only one who discovered sex like this, a lot of kids especially in countries like ours where there is little emphasis on sex education, often come across it through experimentation. It's the only resource kids have in such situations, and often it's same sex experimentation at that, not because of orientation, but because that's whats accessible. Believe me this is not the first story I've heard of its kind. I've heard of at least one or two coming from several different family friends...

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?

Yes sure it is. Since we don’t have sex education system so we learn very early age by experimenting. In my case; I belong to northern somehow conservative village background.

And that's often the case, the more conservative your upbringing, the more 'hands on' people will get to experiment with sexuality. It's just too strong a drive to be repressed by the rules conservative society imposes. There's really no point in hushing talk about it or looking down upon it, since it finds a way to express itself. The tighter the reins, the crazier the outcome. And I'm sure no parents want their kids experimenting with sexual acts at a young age....so we might as well acknowledge its existence and educate our kids properly from the start (and by 'start' i don't mean newborns, so don't get your panties in a bunch, i mean at an appropriate young age).

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex?

Yeah I think I had many adventures in my youth both male & female.

Even though this is an anonymous space NJ, Its impressive that you're comfortable enough with your own sexuality to acknowledge that you enjoy experiences with both sexes. Many people from conservative backgrounds would often even deny it to themselves, let alone put it in writing. So...good on you!

On premarital sex:

Well real sex I had was with a prostitute.

Not sure I understand what you mean here, I thought u had lots of experiences? Or are you only counting penetrative sex as 'real sex' ? A prostitute eh ? (I prefer the term sex worker) well, another one of my interviewees said he lost his virginity that way...I'm guessing its a pretty common way for young Pakistani men (who don't have access to willing partners)to experience sex before marriage. That can't be a good thing. Horny teenagers that are uneducated about sex + sex workers.... not only is the risk of disease or impregnation high, but the way our society is set up, the opportunity for exploiting women is immense in these situations.

On Arranged Marriage:

Yes I am. In my opinion arranged marriages within relatives don’t have that sex appeal. You know I am more into smells and hormones things. And since most paki girls don’t know about sex, so its just put off the lights, undress yourself then open her shilwar nala while shes agitating... then put some lotion or spit on your penis head and thrust holding her legs on your shoulders.

Not much foreplay or sucking licking. Its just husband wife sex you know to get her prego not for enjoyment or orgasms. In my case I did lick her pussy & ass many times but 1st asked her to wash ofcourse. But she hate sucking saying that "is men se ganda pani nikalta hai" just holding my cock and looking at it and kissing on the shaft only. I encouraged her by showing x movies but once she did take its head in mouth but quickly spat out saying "nahi ganda hai". i tried to teach her 69 position she on top now which she likes but still not sucking my penis or balls just holding it with hand and I think smelling & cheek kissing only while I exploring her cunt clits and asshole. Yeah and I think she likes ass licking and fingering which I can feel from her gasps.

Btw I was told by many f that I am very good in bed wild versatile sex player plus attractive gud looking guy. The only negative part is I envy guys with huge penis like in porno and mine cock is bit bent on right side maybe coz of too much musterbating since I was in 7th or 8 grade.

Wow. Your descriptive writing skills and use of sensory detail is quite unlike anything I've come across before. I had to dig through the er 'fluff' but you did bring up some things that are definitely worth mentioning; The way I see it, you're saying that arranged marriage involves too much of an arrangement for the sex to be passionate. It's more of a chore, something you must do to procreate (have children). From what you say, I gather that you feel like there is a lot lacking in bed, because of the 'arranged' element of your marriage. Well, that is certainly one way of looking at it. A very valid point too. I'm sure there are many people in the same situation as you, where they have been married off to some relative and sex just becomes a task, like any other. I myself struggle to understand how you can find passion and desire for someone you didn't choose to sleep with, but I do know it happens.

What I find interesting though, is despite your arranged marriage, and your lack of excitement about the sex you have with your spouse, you still try to experiment and introduce her to new things, positions, etc. That's not something I'd expect from someone coming from a conservative background. You learn something new everyday eh? And you also seem to care about pleasing her, which is excellent. I know a lot of guys find the idea of performing oral sex disgusting, but are completely fine with being on the receiving end. Seems like you don't have double standards such as those...As for her not liking certain activities, my advice to you would be...never force her to do something she's not comfortable with, and secondly, be gentle, romantic... show her you love her and maybe that will make her want to do something special for you. Good luck with that NJ.

The last thing i wanted to point out is, as far as I know, no you cannot get a bent penis from masturbation. However sometimes if you're rough during intercourse or while masturbating, you can create small cuts on your penis, and when those heal, the scar tissue can be a bit tight, causing the penis to pull in one direction, giving it the appearance of being slightly bent.

Have you had more than one sexual partner in life?

Yes countless. Both male & female.

Do you think sex is something that should be explored and experimented with or should one always stick with what they know?

Well I think nature plays its role always. When I go back to my childhood I once saw a village girl my age bend on her 4 in corn field and her dogy trying to fuck her riding on her back. Later when grown up and I watch animal sex movie where a dogy fucking a female and licking her pussy I understood what that was in childhood corn field.

You have seen and experienced quite a lot of disturbing things, haven't you? No child should have to see that, ever.

On Sex & Equality:

Yes a female should also open up and talk abt enjoying orgasms. She should not be over shy. Just like us male talk fuck whatever in our mind she should also enjoy her sexual fantasies.

That's pretty open minded. I'm glad you think that men and women alike should be free to express their sexuality without being judged.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?

Well I am not that high educated I cant get this question but one thing I agree when a husband can screw around and enjoy his fantasies and all women desi or badesi know it then why don’t they fuck around also and enjoy different smells and sized and fantasies. You know if you eat same food everyday it makes you boring

So what you're saying is that the double standards surrounding men and women's sexual desires are bullshit? Why yes, I completely agree.

Have you ever experienced a multiple orgasm?

In younger age yes 5 to 6 in a single night. But some female had multiple orgasms I know while l lick their pussy & clit and same time finger her ass.

Its great that you're so into 'technique' as opposed to just thrusting in and out.

Have you ever found or had your g-spot found?

No never. Do you think men also have G spot. For female yes I know I have tried to please many when I hold my erect cock in hand then rub its hard mushroom head just above opening of vagina under clitories. Some time with tongue & finger upper inside of pussy. But one thing makes me rock hard she sucking my balls one by one in her/his mouth and holding erect cock in hand or mutual licking of ass.

Well, the prostate is basically what's known as the male g-spot.

Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?

Yes many prostituetes don’t have orgasm maybe fake yes. And also uneducated desi wifes don’t enjoy orgasms its just lying down legs on shoulder and finishing off within few minutes. But many non desi female & boys do love sex and know how to enjoy and have orgasms.

I'm sure it would be draining as well as a waste of time and effort for a sex worker to attempt to have an orgasm every time. it just wouldn't make business sense. Its a shame though, that that's your impression of uneducated desi wives in general. And I'm not saying that you're wrong (you're probably right, unfortunately - for multiple reasons). But why is it that you think this group of women doesn't have orgasms often?

Do you think about sex everyday? How often?

Oh yeah all the times since I was 11/12. even now while I am typing this in my office I have a stripper Filipina girl musterbating on her webcam I can even see some white creamy gel dripping out her pussy. And also d******g.com & s*****d.com both windows open. It makes me very hot horny to watch Pakistani hidden cam clips where she is not aware of hidden cam and fucks with her neighbor boy or a uncle.

Incest turns you on? why the uncle? I'm not judging, but honestly...why?

* * * *

NJ seems to have a thing for aunties and uncles I guess, I'm reminded of his comment from a previous post:

"Lady your blogs great reading stuff for curious men like me..
Aaaaah Bachpan.... relative ki shadi per raat ko Zarina aunty ke sath aik he bed per sleeping aur slowly pulling her shilwar down from behind and inserting willy in her butt crack (heavy heartbeats) and cuming quickly then pulling up her shilwar to its place.
Funny thing in the morning having b/fast together Ammi Razia aunty me and others... Razia aunty teasing me pinching my cheek and saying oooh T.... sahb bhi is shadi mein aye hain... Wah"

Now as disturbing as that sounds, having sexual relations with an aunt or cousin or some other female relative seems to be a common fantasy in our country (and of course, doing your cousin isn't considered incest either, but pardon me if i still find it icky)...not too long ago I got an email from a local Pakistani artist who writes and illustrates 'adult comics' of course, they can't be published or distributed in our country, so they're not available at your local news stand unfortunately. But hey here's a peek. I saw this and thought of NJ.

I normally don't post drawings this graphic for the fear of giving some sleazeball a hard on, and a reason to jerk off to the blog. But hey, as I've been informed by a couple of readers... they're jerking off to the blog already. Not much I can do...just a pity that they're missing the point..anyhoo, this great artist is known as J, enjoy....:

it makes your skin crawl, doesn't it? But thats why its excellent.... its the pure rawness and crudeness of it that makes it so real. Its so very disgusting, that its right on point.

And hey, if anyone else has something relevant to the blog and super interesting to share, don't hesitate to email me, nicemangosDOTblogATgmail :)

* * * * *

So back to NJ's interview:

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life?

You know jeddah ksa well since you lived here. You can find much stuff here if you can afford and if you go around malls if no f(emale) you can find plenty of gay boys. Most men I know look around daily for a girl and they end up with a Filipino smooth boy just thinking his butts and body is smooth like a girl. lol

So you're an expat, living in Jeddah then? Yes, i do know that men make do with whoever they have available there.

On Masturbation:

Yes it a fact that all men do musterbate I don’t know about female but I am sure 100%did musterbate in lifetime. And its good to release your tensions. To not become crazy and raping some female like once we saw a pathan labourer taking a young girl coming home from school to a empty plot and raping her by force in day light.

What the fuck?! You saw someone being raped? and you didnt do anything about it? This is where I become judgemental. What the fuck.... seriously. How can anyone watch that happen. I am truly beyond words. This is precisely the kind of shit that needs to stop going unnoticed in our country. I'm appalled that this could be brought up casually in a conversation....with no mention of what you did to help this girl....

Would you morally, ethically or in any way, have a problem with marrying someone who had had sex with someone before you?

It depends if I liked her and found attraction. But I think its not fair a male can go fuck around and if a girl talks with a stranger male shes beaten to death. It is not fair.

At least you acknowledge how wrong that is.

On Pornography:

Yeah its good for breaking some taboos. And also learning new technics but it makes most men inferior seeing Holmes donkey like penis compare to their average sizes.

To what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world, do you think people practice bestiality (sex with animals) in this country?

I think I told you about that village girl in corn field.

N.B. if you wanna know about my encounters, adventures its too long needs a book to be written.

* * * *

Honestly, my head is still reeling from the story about the girl and the labourers. Where do I go from that.... nothing else to say for now. Such a shame.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A few Pervy Comments.....

So, last time I was writing about the donkey honour killing (didn't think i'd ever use those three words together), and didn't get round to posting what my male interviewees had to say about bestiality. I'll get to that in a sec.. but before I do - I'd like to thank all the commenters; all your stories and opinions added more food for thought. And a subject such as this... you just can't wrap your head around it really... (unless ur a sick fuck and relate to animal fuckers)...so discussion is important.

As a nation, we really don't talk enough about this aspect of our lives... theres all kinds of awful sexual deviance...bestiality, pedophilia, incest, etc.... and the way we normally deal with the stuff thats hard to swallow is (no pun intended) to sweep it under a giant rug, so to speak, hoping that it'll just freakin' go away. But you know, it never does... in fact it manifests itself in other ugly forms...and perhaps shows itself in an even more disturbing manner. (excuse me for recycling a previous illustration of mine):

That's why i keep saying, we need to address these issues... and talk about them ... air it out, its toxic to keep it in.... and thats why maybe, so many in our country are so poisonous...there's no denying Pakistan's terribly sad state these days... i often wonder if when i have kids, i'd even take them there...anyhow, i digress. Thats too sad a thought to consider at the moment.

Where was I... ah yes, I was thanking the commenters.... all except one. No thanks to the anonymous person who described even the position their friend screwed a donkey in. I'm pretty sure i know who this commenter is, and once again - he completely misses the point of the post... *le sigh*...

For a while now, I've had an odd sort of fellow leave random disturbing comments, sometimes as anonymous, and once in a while he initials his comments. 'N.J.'...I've gotten to know his 'writing style' and the kinds of comments he leaves are usually different from the others who are simply trying to have a discussion.

NJ seems to get off on writing sexual details. Rather than tell him to eff off, i've often tried to make him understand the reasons for my post....i've tried to get to know him a bit better rather than ignore him, simply cuz he's an intriguing character...one that represents the 'average' pakistani male a tad more accurately than all you snooty ejumacated, westernized types of desi boys that usually read the blog.

In case ur curious, here are some of the comments he's left, or at least I assume its him:

when i posted that i was on vacation:

Anonymous said...
whoa...have a nice erotic vacation. is it in Carribean or dubai or maybe khi. BTW you enjoying alone or with yr hubby ? what is yr frequency of fucking on vacation ?

on my post about women and orgasms:

N.J. said...
Eiynah Please can you put a pic of your vibrator for our poor opressed orgasm starved desi girls to see it. ty

May 31, 2011 1:45 AM
Eiynah said...
Im sure more than the girls, you'd like to see it NJ, and thats really not what this blog is about... there are plenty of sites for you to go see women and vibrators, but Nice mangos is more about creating dialogue...

May 31, 2011 10:34 AM

N.J. said...
No i dont have a fetish for vibrator neither i need one i was just wondering if u can put pic on your blog for paki girls to see how it looks like & how to use it to have jerking orgasms. Is it available in pak ?

June 1, 2011 2:21 AM
Anonymous said...
and also coz vibrator don't have that natural smell & warm unique feeling... you know that vapour mix of pheromones with some sweat.

June 8, 2011 2:12 AM

on my post about porn for women:

Anonymous said...
Gud old days.... Orgies & s** parties in SC compound. Ever attended 1 ? Hows swinging swaping or group scene in Canada.

April 18, 2011 5:09 AM

Eiynah said...
.....why must everyone comment as anonymous on this blog... make up a fake name or something... it'll only make things more interesting. Its getting a bit dull responding to anons all the time. Just pick the name/url option... and make something up... please :)

Anonymous said...
Kion k Pakistan mein sub kuch chhup chhupa k hi hota hai isi liye Anonymous. FYI not all wives are broad minded liberal like you (wish i had 1 like you).
ok its anon N.J.

May 24, 2011 6:24 AM

on various posts about masturbation;

Anonymous said...
Your Hadith link regarding musterbation reminds me of Qari M***** ul Haq Saheb and our Islamyat teacher Q*** sahb.
He use to like all good looking young boys only. When a boy sit beside him for daily dars he use to put his one hand in shilwar and stroke making sounds like a pigeon taking off for a flight LoL. He also had a fetish of pinching & pressing our heals with his thumb and forefinger. Those days we can't understand all this.
The Islamyat teacher use to put some peanuts in his shirwani pocket and tell (good looking boys only) to take some peanuts from his pocket and there you can touch feel find something warm & stiff poking into his side pocket.

March 12, 2011 12:57 AM

Anonymous said...
BTW aap sub ka interview kerti ho lekin apna bhi tu batao kia aap ne shadi se pehlay/baad kabhi kisi handsome man ke sath sex nahi kia or kabhi kisi female dost ke sath kiss etc. nahi kia. ya kabhi musterbate nahi kia? if all this answers are negative phir aap jhoot bolti ho.

February 24, 2011 4:32 PM

Anonymous said...
Please can you ask your female interviewees. why pakistani girls hate:
french kissing, sucking penis, licking balls, anal,69 position.
they say its haram in islam aur yeh sub gandi chizen hain. islam mein sex missionary position mein aur razai ya blanket ke ander kerna chahiey. even some will not undress in lights on.

February 24, 2011 4:40 PM

Anonymous said...
Aaaah.... interesting.. reminds me of my teenage years jerking secretly closed eyes thinking of neighbor aunt butts !!!

February 14, 2011 12:01 AM
Anonymous said...
Lady your blogs great reading stuff for curious men like me..
Aaaaah Bachpan.... relative ki shadi per raat ko Zarina aunty ke sath aik he bed per sleeping aur slowly pulling her shilwar down from behind and inserting willy in her butt crack (heavy heartbeats) and cuming quickly then pulling up her shilwar to its place.
Funny thing in the morning having b/fast together Ammi Razia aunty me and others... Razia aunty teasing me pinching my cheek and saying oooh T.... sahb bhi is shadi mein aye hain... Wah

February 14, 2011 12:17 AM

So although I had to endure a few pervy comments here and there...I managed to get an interview with this NJ, of course he was more than willing... and even mentioned in the interview form that he was getting hard while filling it out :/

Now thats a mighty interesting read... we'll get to it after the other male interviewees thoughts on bestiality...it'll be worth the wait, trust me;

* * *
Fahad, male, 24

I definitely have a pretty strong opinion on this. Its completely wrong. More than the gross factor of doing it with an animal, the act is basically rape. Majority of the animals in this world have sex to reproduce and not necessary for pleasure. For us humans to have sex with them for pleasure is completely wrong and disgusting. I take myself as a progressive, liberal, and forward thinking person and there's not much that bothers me, but bestiality is something I cannot agree with.

Sultan, male, 19

I’ve heard stories but just one or two, not many. I do think it exists more in countries that are sexually repressed. We are sexually repressed as a nation - I think our culture and our orthodox religious beliefs contribute to this. Many people misconceive religion to be some kind of sick game that god is playing with them, and in my opinion its not like that – and because of this misconception there is a lot of sexual repression in our society

Khizer, Male, 26

*ugh* “I don’t know about this country, but I was in Florida for a while and I heard that sheep were very popular there. I have never heard stories over here, but judging by the rate of the population I’m sure people are doing it.”

Imad, Male, 25

I have no clue…I’ve never even heard stories about it.

Qasim, Male, 26

OH......ummm.....i would say.. out in the villages... i dont see it as being a once in a blue moon kind of a thing... i see it as being more occurant than that....its hard to say.....purely because is not something thats really talked about. I know in the western culture... theres a lot of porn out there with men and horses... or women and horses...i wouldnt generally say moreso than other countries.... it might just be the same as any other place... but i guess information available would say otheriwse.

Ali, Male, 29

its a lot more in pakistan compared to other contries....

* * *

So the men are a lot less wordy than the women about the subject....no surprises there....i'm starting to realise that it takes a lot to get most of their kind to speak.... but not NJ ... oh no.... he has a lot to say.... keep an eye out for his interview next time... ;)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

RIP You Sexy Ass...

So I was away for a while, and missed a crazy story about an honour killing, involving a.......wait for it............. DONKEY....!

My husband was the first one to tell me about it - and i looked at him like he'd lost his marbles. I was sure he had misread something. But nope, when I got on twitter, there it was..splashed about all over the place.... *Sigh* the motherland never fails to surprise me. Things are rough over there, the level of ignorance is just beyond words. The lack of education and awareness is enough to make anyone's head explode.

It's really embarrassing to be from a nation that:

a) actually still has honour killings
b) has an honour killing happen to an animal.

So not only is this animal raped in some Sindhi village, its also accused of adultery and shot. The guy that raped the animal is charged with a fine. Where's the honour in that, if anyone should've been shot... it should've been the donkey rapist. But sadly, thats not the kind of country we come from. How did we let it get this way? :(

I mean, people have been fucking animals since the beginning of time, I'm sure. And its terrible, its sick and its not consensual. It happens all over the world, but we have to take it just that one step further. We have to make it even more violent and more ignorant than it already is. Because of one douchebag, the rest of the world is thinkin',

"gosh darn them Moslems, I knew their kind was donkey fuckers already, but they had to go an' honour kill the donkey too"

We're not all like that, obvs...but our countryfolk keep doing shit thats hard to ignore. Holding protests against razorblades, killing donkeys, blowing people up, assassinating liberal politicians. It's like the majority of our country doesn't want to move beyond the stone ages, and they somehow keep using reasons like 'honour' and 'religion' to justify these acts.

I was just looking through some of the comments people have posted online in regards to the donkey honour killing, and here's some of what I found;

Proud Infidel says:
July 22, 2011 at 9:31 am

Incredible. No matter how backward and ignorant you think they are, they are even more backward and ignorant than that.

RazarX says:
July 22, 2011 at 9:49 am

Send them billions more in aide money.

Stephanie says:
July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

Poor donkey Abused and killed. I so hate Islam.

* * *

So, obviously, the commenters are ignorant and biased and all that, because donkey-killing is not *actually* prescribed in the holy texts. Its sad however, the kind of reputation Muslims have. And I wonder why they continue to have that reputation (I don't really wonder at all)... :/ And who exactly is trying to better the reputation? No one, effectively, that's for sure.

Because they are murdered if they do try.

* * *

Here's what my interviewees had to say about Bestiality;

To what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world, do you think people practice bestiality in Pakistan?

Ayesha, Female, 28

I haven’t heard any concrete examples, but I would guess in a largely agricultural economy, bestiality would be quite common. I personally am not in consent with this particular brand of ‘deviance’.

Layla, Female, 19

I would say few as compared to the rest of the world, but def does happen esp in rural areas.

Ambreen, Female, 28

i don't even know what that is... (when told): i honestly wouldn't know..... at all... poor animal...

Mariam, Female, 26

I'm sure they practice it a lot actually…simply because they’re so frustrated and people don’t have access to women… they might think an animal is the next best thing. I’ve heard stories… and I don’t doubt it for a second that its not a rampant sexual act in our country…

Fatima, Female, 25

does happen, to quite an extent. I know some men practice it in the villages….I knew someone who fired their driver because he was doing it with goats.

Sumeira, Female, 25

I think people practice bestiality in this country to a large extent. Especially In the rural areas. I don’t know about compared to the rest of the world – but yeah, it is a big thing. I’ve heard a lot of stories in the rural areas. Camels…when we heard about the camel thing, the first question that popped into my head was, “How do you fuck a camel?” It was someone I knew…someone in the village, one of the workers…in Shikarpur, Sindh.

They got word in the village that this guy was doing this with the camels and they wanted to kick his ass…but there’s no court or anything – like – you sit down and that’s your court, all the villagers sitting there… and the elders decide. They guy said show us how you fucked the camel. So he made the camel sit down and tied a rope around the joints of all the legs and the camel couldn’t move…and that’s how he did it – so they screwed him over. But there are a lot of cases like that…and they do get caught and get their ass kicked because in Islam its haraam.

Zobia, Female, 22

Statistically I have no idea, but I do know that it happens a lot in Pakistan. Especially amongst the poorer people who work on farms and places where there are animals. Whether or not this is out of desperation, because they don’t have access to any women or men…or whether it is a weird kinky preference these people have, we cannot really know. I haven’t really heard of it happening in other situations…but for all we know it probably does.

Saira, Female, 22

i don't even know what bestiality is... (when told) Oh my god..... i think in the villages maybe more so.....in secrecy it might be allowed... i think its disgusting .... how could u even .... its like having sex with a child... the animal does not consent.... how dare u..... i think in the cities it might be looked down upon... but wasn't there something on the news about some guy in Pakistan being married to a goat? i think its disgusting...

Rabia Female, 23

Don’t know if it is ignorance, but I have no knowledge of sex with animals in Pakistan. Would be interested in finding out though.

Farah, Female, 29

Haha. I think its probably higher than much of the world, due to the non-availability of women, combined with the highly agrarian society.

Sam, Female, 28

I think its probably more common than most other places. Primarily because there are very few sexual outlets for people- (sexually repressed society remember). Plus I have been told by friends who've been involved in research of such nature that its very very common in Pakistani rural areas.

Maliha, Female, 21

I guess it’s pretty common in the rural areas? I really don’t know. I don’t think it’s very common anywhere, here or abroad. Certainly not more common here. Or so I think.

* * *

So we had some varied opinions, a couple of people didn't even know what the term meant...some didn't doubt it happened a lot in Pakistan, considering the gender segregation. Some even cited examples of the cases they knew about.... one thing's clear though; not one of these interviewees thought of this as acceptable behaviour. It all boils down to one thing really, and Saira says it best,

i think its disgusting .... how could u even .... its like having sex with a child... the animal does not consent.... how dare u.....

I'm sure in certain situations it happens in large cities in Pakistan as well, because again, society is still pretty narrow minded about sexuality...leaving people with very few outlets - but like my interviewees, for obvious reasons, i too assume it'd be more common in the rural areas....Although, sexual outlet or no sexual outlet, there are people that are just 'into animals'.... zoophiles....I couldn't tell you why.... I once saw a documentary where people had left their spouses to be in a relationship with the household pet. WTF.....really.... of course there weren't any Pakistanis featured in this documentary about zoophiles.. the subjects were all from the states in this case

..but it does happen everywhere...do you think sexual repression causes an increase in its occurrence?

what I'd be curious to know about the Pakistani animal fuckers, is first off, do we really have that many more than the rest of the world... and how many of these people do it because they don't have too many other options, and how many of them are truly just into animals....*shudder*

And of course, lets not forget that information from google trends, that claimed that Pakistan was number 1 for all kinds of searches involving sex with different animals...

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts..as always....

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Cybersex is not Premarital Sex.........is it?

I'm Baaaack!

Can't say i'm well rested or anything, it was one of those vacations that you need a vacation from. But those are the very best kind...

Anyhoo, time to dive right in. I'll say it again, because it cant be said enough, thank goodness for these opinionated and interesting Pakistani women, cuz the men have been a yawn...

Maliha, 21, Female

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?

I was around 7…we lived in England in those days, it was pretty open and even little kids knew about it – I remember them joking about how girls had ‘sharpeners’ and boys had ‘pencils’. I remember feeling guilty when I found out about it properly, (through encyclopedias, friends) crying a lot when I confessed to my mother that I knew about sex (even though I didn’t know much about it). It was like something that one knew but couldn’t admit to knowing and so when I did admit it I felt really guilty and shameful. I think I felt disgust too, but that might be my memory confabulating.

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?

Not particularly sexually repressed – I mean, look at the rate of population growth. Among the younger people, especially in their late teenage/early twenties you see some repression because most people choose not to fornicate and yet they can’t get married that early. But once people are married off they usually settle into typical sexual habits, or so has been my observation. So maybe we’re not very sexually aware as a nation, of things like safe sex and protection and all, but repressed, not really.

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex?

I haven’t had sex in real life. I have had experience of cybersex pretty extensively, with various partners, and gone on to try phonesex too, but I’ve avoided the real experience. I’ve enjoyed the stuff I’ve done online, although I’m getting bored of it now.

On premarital sex:

I would normally say I was okay with it, but recent events have made me reconsider. In general I think its okay if you’re in a casual setting such as abroad, and know you’re going to marry someone from that society who doesn’t mind or even expects you to have done it before marrying. In our setting it might be an unwise move – most of us are still prudes. Even in our setting, if one intends to marry that person, then maybe its okay…Random, promiscuous premarital sex I am not in favour of.

On Arranged Marriage:

I'm not married. But I think it (arranged marriage) would affect sexuality, in the short term at least, as people would be shyer, more awkward. Later on you’re going to understand one another’s preferences anyway so there shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you had more than one sexual partner in life?

I suppose cybersex doesn’t count. If it did, the answer would be yes.

On Sex & Equality:

I think it should be, but often isn’t. Like you often hear of husbands who consider wham, bam, thank you ma’am as a perfect delineation of sex. I have no idea how their wives manage. Even with good partners in ideal situations, its not exactly equal, its always a bit of give and take – sometimes the focus is on the partner, sometimes on you. So no, not completely equal all the time.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?

They play a major role. I could write an essay on this, but basically the emotional nature and slightly weaker physique is emphasized and underlined to the point of undermining and underestimating the capability of women, even in areas where these things should technically have no effect (like driving a car, for instance). Vice versa for men.

Have you ever experienced a multiple orgasm?

*laughs* haven’t but hope to *fingers crossed*

Have you ever found or had your g-spot found?

G-spot, hmm…wasn’t that a myth? If it exists I hope someone discovers mine…for now I will have to make do with what parts of my anatomy I have managed to locate…and those are more than some girls are aware of.

Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?

Hmm..I don’t know anyone personally, well maybe someone I know has gone through that, but I’ve never asked anyone. I know a lot of women probably don’t experience an orgasm and that depresses me…it’s such a good feeling, I can’t imagine them actually having sex and not experiencing it. They should be taught what it’s like, then they won’t be able to help expecting, lol, demanding it from their partners.

Do you think about sex everyday? How often?

Up until about a year back I’d think about it up to five times a day. Sometimes constantly, lol. That was when all the internet relationships and a few real life ones were at their height. Nowadays I’m pretty busy and I’ve tried consciously to decrease all the constant fantasizing (it makes for terrible concentration, I was getting tired of living in a constant state of excitement) so now I think about it maybe once a day? And not even that, maybe five times a week.

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life?

Major role? As in how? It certainly colours some of my actions, and my sexual side makes me do dumb things quite a bit, but currently since I’m not having it its not really playing that big a role.

On Masturbation:

I think its good. It lets out pent up emotions. Obviously I don’t subscribe to the myths that say its bad for you or it makes you unable to have sex with a real partner…I think it’s a necessary part of growing up and self awareness and if done with restraint and responsibility, why not?

Would you morally, ethically or in any way, have a problem with marrying someone who had had sex with someone before you?

Some time ago I would have answered with no, but I am beginning to re evaluate my ideals…I think I would have a moral objection to marrying a guy whose had sex with someone else…I mean, couldn’t he have controlled himself? It shows strength of character, and if he couldn’t control himself long enough until he got married maybe he won’t respect our marriage either, and that’s something that would give me pause. If he was serious about her, on the other hand, then the emotional baggage of such a serious previous girlfriend would be tough to handle too. Then again, if I really loved him, I might be able to excuse him his impulses.

On Pornography:

It’s okay, I suppose. Some people prefer visual stimulation and its just the way they are. It can be demeaning to women, but the women in it are making a choice to be demeaned, so I don’t see why anyone should have a problem with it. I think it would be more appealing to women if they made it more softcore, because as it currently is only men are pleased by it and most porn seems to target men, although I believe that’s changing now. Apart from that, well it’s a choice, if you don’t want to watch it, don’t. I wouldn’t have a problem with my boyfriend watching it or anything.

* * *

Here is some of our correspondence;

*Please note: irrelevant parts of email correspondence have been cut out.

Hiya, thanks for your quick response!

The most interesting part of your interview was when you mention that you've had cybersex but are not in favour of premarital sex.. its a really interesting contrast.... and you know what, you're the first female i've spoken to thats talked openly about cybersex! It'll be very informative for people im sure.. just one thing i wanted to ask you... when u mention cybersex... do you mean the chat/type-based kind.. or webcam kind? and if you mean the chatting kind... would you be open to the webcam kind?


* * *


Yeah I was thinking about how damningly hypocritical it is of me to condemn premarital sex and yet be okay with cybersex :P I guess how I see it, there are lines people draw? And for me, the line is at actual physical contact and penetrative sex. For another person, the line might be earlier, at porn, like some of my friends would be seriously unhappy with the idea that their boyfriend/husband has seen or watches porn. And for some people the line is somewhere between one-partner sex and promiscuity.

Plus, what I do online, I don't count it as sex. For me, its more like written porn. Like erotica, only made up at the moment. Playacting in words. Whereas premarital sex is...well, premarital sex. Real sex.

Does that mean I'll accept a partner that's had only cybersex? Probably. I don't quite know :P

I hope I've made things clearer, altho I think I haven't. :P

Oh no, am I the only girl who's admitted to it yet? That makes me feel odd :P :S. As far as what I do is concerned...I started off with chat and typing based sex, using a different ID, basically on IRC chatrooms and adult forums. Then I started getting close to some of my partners (emotionally close, and mostly the indian ones, there is just something about them that is close to home but not close enough to represent a danger - I have been extremely secretive always with regard to identity, and Paki guys are so nosy once they know you're from the same country that they frighten me off), and with one of the chatters that I got close to, I went as far as webcam sex and phone sex. Even with him, we mostly talk fully clothed, or he strips and I stay as I am, I am extremely uncomfortable with showing off my body. With the others, I've talked to a few with voice over the internet, let them send their cam images if they wanted to, but pretty much consistently stuck to chat-based sex. Its actually better that way, I prefer it, because then I don't feel uncomfortable. I've made quite a few friends as a result, really nice guys I would have loved to meet in real life. I've had fun. And all of it safe.

Hope that answers your question :) and if theres anything at all else you'd like to ask, or if you need more detail about anything, please don't hesitate at all. I'd love to answer any questions.

And thank you for letting me participate. Its been fun!

Maliha :)

* * *

THanks a lot Maliha - you've been incredibly helpful and thorough, I hope you will allow me to add excerpts from this email of ours to your interview as well, since you go into more detail...

And really, no need to feel judged, or hypocritical.... everyone has a right to their opinions and their own boundaries, you're doing a great service to people who might be in a similar position as you - cuz its really helpful for people to read others stories. I get so many emails from women who are thankful the blog is up there and now they dont feel like they're the only ones with a sex drive.


* * *

Sure, you can use anything you want, from the email or the form or whatever. I thought that was understood :) And I don't feel judged, or too hypocritical, and I hope that women out there really do find an advantage from my open-ness..its been difficult to talk about it because it was a like a whole separate extremely secret part of my life for so long, but then I realised that the secretiveness was killing me, I'd started feeling too much shame and guilt, that's when I opened up about it to my counsellor and now in the form.

None of the male readers have offered to be an interviewee? Thats so strange! :O I would've thought there would be quite a few. I'm shocked now. Maybe I should send some friends your way :P but seriously, I would've thought there were more male interviewees than female...maybe because the blog is by a female, they don't feel open enough to share details? There's all that about male pride as well na. But I really am surprised. Pakistani males, secretive? Hmm...

Well anyway, can't wait for the post :D i liked the one on porn a lot as well, it was really good.



So, in a nutshell;

Maliha's pretty awesome for being so candid, especially about the whole cybersex thing. I'm sure its not easy to share something you already feel guilty about. I'm truly honoured that she'd share that with her counsellor and then here. She's someone that knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to go looking for it. She's open to sexual exploration, and she knows where her boundaries lie. if that kind of attitude is contagious, i'd say go spread some of it around the country!

A couple of statements I found interesting in the interview,

"...in their late teenage/early twenties you see some repression because most people choose not to fornicate.."

its more the choice of the word 'fornicate' that intrigues me than the whole statement

"...mostly the indian ones, there is just something about them that is close to home but not close enough to represent a danger.."

That makes perfect sense, couldn't put it better myself.

"[masturbation] if done with restraint and responsibility, why not?"

why restraint? and what kind of responsibility comes with masturbation? i've heard this from a few of my readers....

"[premarital sex] its okay if you’re in a casual setting such as abroad"

Now, this is just my opinion, but i think a setting is what you make it...we're all pretty uptight in the motherland and up in each others business, which is what makes us so secretive...and breeds them darn double standards. I can see where she's coming from though. Sometimes our country makes it impossible for us to open up and be who we really are. It's so often that we have to have this facade, and we have to pretend to be 'good' and 'pious' and all that...

"...some of my friends would be seriously unhappy with the idea that their boyfriend/husband has seen or watches porn."

Wha! they'd be mad if they're bf/husband has even just 'seen' porn... like once?!

* * *

As an aside, this is a real product;

:P how did they not laugh while making this ad?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm on Vacation - I will be back :)

Hey hey,

i know its been a while! I havent vanished i promise... just on vacation - and im trying to keep it a pretty tech-free vacation...yah, i said it... i'm doin it up oldschool... :)

sooooo i shall update the blog in a month or so when im back...

play nice and have great sex!


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I love having Sex and I've Never had an Orgasm!

People always assume sex & orgasms go hand in hand... but really, its not always that straight forward...


One happy day, not too long ago I began corresponding with an exceptional, brave, self-aware and opinionated Pakistani woman. The country needs more women like this. The fact that she shared so honestly will benefit other women in similar positions I hope, especially the one's that are not bold enough to speak up. But for god's sake, if you can......question things!

*Please note: irrelevant parts of email correspondence have been cut out.

Also, I have not posted the entire interview, but only the subjects that I have covered in previous blog posts. I will continue to post Sam's thoughts, experiences and opinions along with the other interviewees..as we move on to other topics.

* * *

Dear Eiynah,

Came across your blog through some links and references from other blogs. I don't know if you're looking for a particular profile for your interviewees but I am a Pakistani female and i'd be more than happy to talk about sex....

I wish more ppl had talked about it, I wish more children and young adults were encourgaged to embrace and be open about thier sexualities. Its tragic the kind of damage our attitudes towards sex have done to our people.

Hope to hear from you and best of luck for your project. It's about time, what you're saying, was said out loud :)


* * *


Ok so i've filled it out and i've gone on and on hehe..its just one of those topics i feel strongly about and have a LOT to say………… just to clarify, my husband and i are from a normal, upper-middle class Pakistani family, we were raised muslim and we both lived abroad for a few years between in our teens. Before and after that we've mostly been in pak. I share that because I just wanted you to know that I am largely a product of pakistani society.

…………. I've been pretty open about my views and personal sexual issues. I know you're not sex therapist but since you've been working on this subject, if theres any advice you could offer i'd be more than happy to hear from you.

best of luck for your project!!



* * *

Sam, 28, Female

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?

i think it was information that sort of indirectly trickled down through different sources and experiences . I certainly wasn't informed by my family or parents or even friends. No one even told me about periods till I got mine. And I'd like to point out that my family were never the most open minded people around, but they couldn't be considered conservative or religious either, which shows that even educated, progressive parents don't see the need to inform their children about such issues. It was basically a topic they avoided till possible.

I think tv and books were the first source. Before that was the time I walked in on my parents naked hehe. which was traumatic for a 11/12 yr old to say the least. At this point I had no idea about anything, and the idea that two adults would strip in front of each other was initially most disturbing. I think I only acquired complete (and very thorough) clarity when I moved out of Pakistan in 8th grade and had a full fledged semester of Health class dedicated to sex ed.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but I think that one class really helped clarify all misconceptions about the basics of sex and sexuality.

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?

Yes!! it is repressed and its really keeping people from being able to enjoy one of the basic pleasures of life. and because its so repressed its leading to a sick frustrated society plagued with problems and people are SUFFERING. Though having said that, I think that middle class sexuality is most suppressed, followed up by the upper rich class and the least suppressed are the poor.

I say this primarily based on my own interactions and conversations with people. The very poor, don't care much anymore, they behave (and I apologize for using the term, but its one of the by-products of poverty) like animals. They'll do it with anyone, whenever they can. They don't have that middle class veneer of morality to protect. I have maids, cleaning women, janitors etc who share stories, about daughter-in-laws impregnated by father in laws. women in slum colonies living with two men, husbands who are ok with their wives sleeping with other men, adults sleeping with children etc etc. I don't think this is necessarily the kind of freedom we should aim for but they are certainly not as repressed as the rest of pakistan. But again this kind of behavior would vary from area to area, I think its more rampant in the urban slum setting. Whereas in rural areas of smaller communities it may not be as open.

As for the rest of us; if you look at how Pakistani society is structured, there is no concept of sex outside of marriage in this country!! If you think about it, its completely absurd! Basically unless you decide to get married you can't have sex. Young adults very rarely live on their own, bringing a partner to your home or sleeping over is out of the question.

On your nikkah nama there are three options the bride must chose from: Virgin, Divorced, Widow. Which assumes that unless you are divorced or widowed you can’t have had sex; so you have to be a virgin! its ridiculous. There is no one to advise you on sex issues, doctors will always assume if you unmarried, you're not having sex and the list goes on!

I'm not saying Pakistani’s aren't having sex outside of marriage, but society effectively pretends they don't, and if you are having sex it deems you're doing something wrong, so you will not be offered support in any form. so to say that we're sexually repressed would be an understatement.

And all this is just the tip of the iceberg, you go deeper, to how we teach (or fail to teach) our children about sex. the attitude we have towards it. Parents who are embarrassed to discuss such topics, teach children to be embarrassed of their own bodies and sexualities. They raise children who will find it difficult to embrace their sexuality, even in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Even adult Pakistani men and women view each others private parts and certain forms of sex with disgust (oral). Sex is something most ppl just do. They don't realize how much it can involve and how important it is to make an effort to have and share healthy satisfying sex lives.

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex?

Yes I am having sex, i'm married so its assumed but i started having sex much before I got married. I am actually currently not enjoying sex so much. Its something which is seriously bothering me because I always enjoyed having sex but for a little while now its not been that great. Sex was always a big part of my life but I have been going through some personal problems in the last year or so, perhaps that’s what interfering. I have been trying to identify why I'm feeling like this and I've spoken to my husband as well and maybe we need to try something new, spice things up. Work at it a little more, I guess initially with a new partner sex is new and excited so its easier to enjoy and with time you need to put some work into it. I really hope I can get back in the 'groove' hehe because I did LOVE having sex..sigh..

On premarital sex:

I wouldn't encourage young teenagers to have sex, because they're too insensitive towards each other, yet over-emotional and especially for girls there’s always the risk of feeling 'used' coz some guy will sleep with you and then pretend you don't exist. that hurts even if you're an adult but with a little age we learn to understand and not take such behaviour too personally.

Secondly, I don't encourage it because I feel that young children are far too sexualized at far too young an age. and its kind of sad, because childhood is a precious time, it shouldn't be burdened with the weight of sexual politics. Sex is also intrinsically linked with your self-image and girls in particular shouldn't have to stress about how they look at so young an age. They'll obsess about it as adults anyway, so they should enjoy the relatively care-free nature of their childhood as much as possible. I cherish my school days, uptill college, (even beyond) for that reason, we were busy laughing and running around and giggling to care about make up and clothes much.

Apart from these reservations, I'm all for pre-marital sex. I never had an issue with it, I was never religious and I always just assumed i'd have sex before I got married. I think it was mostly the influence of all the books and media i was exposed to and living abroad when I was younger.

I had sex for the first time when I was 19, (7 yrs before I was married). I think it was good age, and I was in a serious relationship so it didn't have any negative after-effects. the first physical relationship I had when I was 16.

I personally think its really important to have pre-marital sex. It seems stifling to think that one can experience only a single sexual partner in their lives. Relationships (sexual and romantic) are important, they help you figure out who you are, what you want and different people teach you different things. Which doesn't mean everyone should have at least 10 partners before marriage, but be open to everything. If one person makes you happy and you don't feel the need for more, thats great. But if they don't, (and usually the guy u meet at 17 won't) then move on, doesn't matter how many it takes, there shouldn't be caps.

I didn't have many partners but it was because I thought I should just always end up in long term relationships so i never gave myself the chance.
Further as I tell most people around me, sex is a very powerful need. You need some kind of outlet. What I notice with so many people around, specially in pakistan, is that because they're not having sex, and their attraction to their partners is so strong, they convince themselves into thinking that this person is it, they wanna get married and they're in 'love'. Actually its not always love, its just lust. They're looking at their partners with sex-coloured lenses and till they have sex, those lenses won't come off. This applies to men and women. So I jokingly and seriously tell all my friends to just have sex when they want, preferably before marriage. Once thats out of the way, look at their partners objectively and figure out whether you want this person for anything more than sex. Most of them don't follow my advice!

Besides I think sex adds an entirely new dimension to a relationship, and you should be aware of those dynamics between yourself and your partner before taking the plunge.

But before indulging in any kind of sex- be informed, be aware. know the risks and take precautions! I think I was lucky coz that sex-ed class in 8th grade made sure I was always aware and careful!

On Arranged Marriage:

I didn't have an arranged marriage but i'm not opposed to certain kinds of arranged marriage. There are the 'never saw each other till the wedding types', there are 'met through parents, then had got to know each other in every way possible n got married' types, and there are the in between ones 'met through someone and dated and/or talked for a while'. The first category is just f**ked up, so won't go into that- and it could work out but its just sad and stupid that people would out-source such an important decision. But thats just my feelings towards the arrangement, how it affects sexuality is different. The second and third category aren't any different than being set up for a date by someone, its really how you go about it.

I wouldn't have opted for it coz I didn't want to get 'married' ,it was somethin that would happen, if it did, otherwise i was fine. The pressure or need to get married is a whole saga on its own. i'll stick to the topic of sex for now :)

honestly I think sexuality is something very personal, its about how you approach it, how much you invest in it and how open you are about it. I can't say for sure, but i like to think that regardless of how two people come together, provided they have a good relationship they can have satisfying sex lives. I dont know enough to say otherwise. You could have had a long steamy passionate relationship prior to marriage but when the initial flame fizzles, if the two of you aren't prepared to invest further into it, your sex life won't be much to write home about!

Have you had more than one sexual partner in life?

I've had four physical relationships, two people i've had sex with (including my husband). Its sad though..looking back i think i should have been more adventurous (i'm scared of STDS hehe) and i just start 'loving' everyone i'm with and spend far too long on one partner hehe.

On Sex & Equality:

I believe sexual intercourse itself is an equal act, because with proper consideration, theres no reason why both parties shouldn’t enjoy it.

I hear there are some women who never enjoy sex..i guess for them its not but then i don't think they should bind themselves into relationships. Coz asking someone to be your partner and then not wanting to have sex with them isn't really fair.

but generally i think both men and women enjoy it and as long as you're both getting pleasure out of it, it is equal. I don't even think a woman's lack of an orgasm makes it unequal. the truth is just because you're not havin an orgasm doesn't mean she's not enjoying sex.

i love having sex and i've never had an orgasm.

(sorry, I had to recycle an image from a previous post here...i thought it worked too well to not use again)

i think inequality comes in when people become selfish. If a man is using a woman's body purely to make himself orgasm, without consideration for her enjoyment, it becomes selfish and unequal. If one partner expects oral sex and offers nothing in return it becomes unequal.

It's true that some partners have more control during sex than others, but i don't think this necessarily makes it unequal. its really about the chemistry between the two of you and what each partner wants. I enjoy control from a man, it doesn't mean sex is on his terms entirely though, its sort of like role play and its something that doesn't influence the non-sexual aspects of our life.

Though I enjoy the control, doesn't mean its ok for him to be selfish.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?

I think they have a lot to do with the roles we have in society today. Our current roles evolved from our natural and physical differences but I think they have been heavily manipulated and conditioned by many other factors, including power, religion, politics, etc.

Our basic roles are of men hunting and spreading seed, and women nourishing, caring and protecting. now I don't argue with these basic non-evolved roles because they are what you see in animals aswell. We were designed for these purposes. Having said that I no longer see these roles as applicable in todays' society BUT they are still the models we seem to follow.

For a long time this hierarchy between men and women made some sense because it was all based on a 'might is right' philosophy. if you had physical strength you, you were in control, like animals. As civilization evolved, the need to rely on physical strength diminished, weapons offered a slightly more level playing field. Governance and law offered protection. And most recently women began to exercise control over whether they wanted to have children or not.

Yet somehow the gender roles did not change much, especially in certain societies. I think these roles were reinforced and retained because it suited certain interests. It allowed the patriarchal society to maintain status quo, it allowed certain factions to retain power and along came religion to offer divine approval to this whole arrangement. So even if you had some objections before, now that the religious stamp was there, most people didn't argue.

Women are still expected to rear children, submit to the man, play house, keep themselves covered and be "sharif" or sex objects (two ends of the same spectrum)! Men should be macho and its ok it they sleep around/ogle, and they can't exercise control over their instincts and needs..but they're more stable coz they don't have PMS!- what bullshit!!

I believe the basic biological purpose of every living organism (including men and women) is to reproduce, and yes women are the primary means of reproduction (though that may change with time as well). BUT we are no longer base organisms, we are individuals, we have personalities, we have a consciousness, we control who or what we do and become. So No, a woman's purpose is no longer to breed children and support the husband. she can be anything she wants to. Men or women can no longer be classified into categories and specific roles. Its not fair to do that.

Maybe some women do enjoy raising a family and thats wonderful but as a parent its your duty to offer your child (son or daughter) the option to be/do whatever they want. and the same goes for the sexual dynamics between people- gender should no longer define how you behave and what role u play in a relationship.

Have you ever experienced a multiple orgasm?

No. i enjoy sex and though i and my partners have tried. i have never had an orgasm

Have you ever found or had your g-spot found?

No. again tried but couldn't find it.

Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?

Me. I don't think abt it much coz i've just gotten used to it. and also because the lack of an orgasm never kept me from enjoying or wanting sex. i would LOVE to experience it because other women tell me its amazing. i'm thinking of buying a vibrator next time i'm abroad..maybe it'll work !

Do you think about sex every day? How often?

Yes, at least once or twice. it used to be a LOT more when I was younger hehe,

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life?

Yes, its not only something important to me personally but i think it plays a very powerful role defining and strengthening our relationships with our partners. Having a good sex active life gives you confidence, keeps you satisfied, it helps reduce stress and remain healthy.

On Masturbation:

I think its perfectly natural. I think all people have or should have indulged in it at some point. Its really your first point of sexual exploration. and sex toys only became common recently (and still not so common here), so before that it was really all you could do to satisfy yourself.

I think its idiotic and prudish to preach against it. Its probably the healthiest safest way to satisfy yourself. All men masturbate, i think all women do aswell, but they don't admit it. Plus it would be helpful to figure your body out and know what works for you.

Would you morally, ethically or in any way, have a problem with marrying someone who had had sex with someone before you?

no. it would be hypocritical to expect my husband to abide by morals i don't believe in and have not abided by.

On Pornography:

I don't have an issue with people looking at porn because EVERYONE does.
but on an ethical level I don't agree with it because its portrays women as one-dimensional objects. For many ppl (and most boys) porn is thier first and only exposure to sex and its not an honest or accurate depiction. They grow up expecting sex to be always be dirty and raunchy smut! but sex isn't always like that, sometimes it'll be that, sometimes its just relaxed and smooth, sometimes its romantic.

What also bothers me about porn is that its so fake and the women don't seem to be enjoying themselves. I don't mind a good sex scene in a movie, sometimes its a real turn on but because they make it seem natural and its in context and built up. General Porn is just pathetic, and not much of a turn on, its just designed to please men. It may be part of the reason why men are so selfish in bed, coz porn doesn’t seem to have the concept of women actually enjoying themselves.

For this reason a few days back I decided to try look for porn for women. Something sensual where women actually seem to be into it. I couldn't believe that I searched the net for half an hour and found no FREE porn for women. There was some sites, but they all required payment, sort of like a premium service. Whereas the internet is drowning in common porn- which is basically porn for men!

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thanks so much for filling it out quickly :) I found some parts really very interesting, i'm thinking about doing a whole post on you actually…..

The most surprising part of your interview was the fact that you're a liberal, sexually aware woman, who enjoys sex... and yet has never had an orgasm....if you're enjoying sex, it means you're feeling something.... and perhaps working your way towards an orgasm. Maybe just stopping too soon. And you know you've got the perfect thing to spark up your sex life waiting ahead of you, the search for an orgasm. Things obviously don’t remain as heated as in the beginning of a relationship... so I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about there. If you've gotten wet before, you will find it!

Also.. you should definitely invest in a vibrator, no jokes! and, if you're open to masturbation, i don't quite get how one is motivated to masturbate without the promise of an orgasm in the end? Do you just stop, cuz you get bored or what? How about oral sex, that doesn’t do it for you either? Sorry for all the questions, but im just trying to understand the situation better... so I can offer some more advice. Heck i'll mail you a vibrator from here if i have to....


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It was great hearing back from you. Sorry for not replying earlier. Hope you're well. having been keeping up with the blog and i enjoyed some of the new posts.

……as for my inability to orgasm hehe, honestly it puzzles me just as much. the thing is I really really do enjoy sex. (speaking of which me and my husband seem to have come out of our slump, so i'm feeling great again hehe) and there are times when I feel like i'm just abt to climax..but i never do..

there are times i've even thought maybe i have orgasms but I can't tell because I have no point of reference. but then when I discuss it with women who do have orgasms..they seem pretty sure about it and it seems like if I had one, i'd definitely know it was one.

as for masturbating..well its strange..i do it because I feel like sex and its unavailable..and since sex is orgasm-less for me, and yet I still want it, the motivation is the same. its pleasurable but does not necessarily peak..

but having said that, if I do masturbate its not vaginal..its purely clitoral and I do reach a slight peak, its nothing mind boggling or anything and it doesn't feel like much of a climax..but my body seems satisfied. i have often wondered if this is an orgasm..but when i'm with a guy, this doesn't satisfy me, and I want actual sex with penetration and that feels great but i don't reach the point where i'm satisfied. so sex will only end because i'm tired from going at it for so long, or if my partner has climaxed and tired himself out hehe.

so yea..its confusing i guess..but i've never had notes to compare with anyone who doesn't have orgasms. Apparently most ppl i can talk to abt sex do have them..

what do other women who don't have orgasms say? is it not normal to enjoy sex so much without an orgasm?


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Hi Sam,

great hearing from you too ... and again, this is such an interesting email.... do you mind if i post some bits from these emails along with ur interview when i do my post about you ? I think it could benefit a lot of women.

Sounds to me like when u masturbate you probably have (at least a few times reached an orgasm), but just a very weak one. Since they do vary from mind-blowing to the 'slight peaks' you refer to. Maybe you should try bringing yourself almost to that peak... and stop just before..... start again... and stop just before.... repeat a few times.. and hopefully that'll strengthen the intensity of the orgasm. (of course you can really exercise that degree of control when you're with yourself... with a partner it'd be harder...) - And most women I've spoken to claim when they masturbate its mostly clitoral... so that’s nothing to worry about... :)

I'm happy for you that you guys are out of the slump.... but you know that’s completely normal... every sex life goes through lulls... especially when you're with a long term partner.. you can't always expect fireworks...

Also, im sure you're aware that most women can't achieve an orgasm from purely vaginal penetration... so you're definitely not alone there.

And i haven't spoken to too many women that have never had an orgasm... because most don’t want to talk about it... but the ones that have opened up have said that sex is more chore-like than pleasurable... some even say its painful.....and some are just happy with the way things are...they do it, but will never actively seek more enjoyment from it...a very blah attitude.... so i think you're the first one i've spoken to, that actually enjoys it and yet doesn’t have orgasms.... which is interesting because usually its the enjoyment that leads to the orgasm...

Im glad you've been checking in on the blog and enjoying it, and thanks for attempting to find new recruits.. but hey... even if they don't end up interviewing... one hopes they'll at least check out the blog :) and that'll make a difference.

Take care!

ps - have you ever used a vibrator?


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Hope you're doing well.

Thanks for the advice and info! it makes me feel somewhat better, i always thought i was missing out on somethin huge, but maybe i'm almost there and the fact that sex is still very pleasurable means things aren't that bad :D

Please feel free to use the email content for the blog. and no i haven’t used a vibrator, which is why I think it might be worth my while trying one! who knows it might be the missing ingredient!