Monday, September 23, 2013

"I faced problems with premature ejaculation in my first marriage."

Re: He Tried to perform Oral sex on me...

Read a blog entry with the above title on Nice Mangos some time ago. I think i need to respond to this, having faced similar circumstances with disastrous results in my life. 

I faced problems with premature ejaculation in my first marriage. The resulting frustrations along with other reasons led to a break up and divorce after a year and a half, but the stated reason was my inability to satisfy her sexually. 

Distraught, heart broken and lost i tried to build a new life for me, tackling the emotional and physical problems head on. A lot happened, in the host of remedies that i tried, the exercises highlighted in the attached link worked for me. The results were nothing less than spectacular after a four month period of repeating these exercises every day, my next sexual encounter enabled me to last for almost half an hour straight, and the results were repeatable ever after, without any medications what so ever. The remedy was easier than i thought. I am posting the link in the hope that this can help someone else and maybe just maybe save a relationship.


Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is heartfelt, brave and raw. When people speak with such honesty and genuineness - they strike a chord with others. And it does make a difference. It simply helps to know that you are not alone in a certain situation. 

Though I posted Fahmida's story (the one you refer to) so long ago, I continue to receive comments and emails about it. How its helped women and men to know there are others in the same boat. Sometimes having a collective voice helps you have the courage to fight the issues you might otherwise be intimidated by. 

Anyhow you seemed to have tackled it! Its excellent to hear you had such great results with just practising different control exercises. Not everyone may have such ideal results, but it doesn't hurt to try. Thanks for the link, hopefully my readers will find it useful. 

I would like to point out to penis-owners that the average lasting time varies greatly... so just because you can't last 'all night long' , doesn't mean you have a problem with premature ejaculation. Heres a bit from my last post addressing the issue: 

"there are varying reports about the average lasting time being from 2-20 mins, a quick googlesearch suggests....... but I did read somewhere that the Kinsey Institute reports that 75% of all males reach orgasm within 2 minutes of penetration. I would say that like all things in us complex humans... there is so much variance that one could probably not pinpoint it to a specific average. I mean its like asking whats the average bust size for a woman? There is so much variety...and it's all normal!" 

I hear It also helps to masturbate a few hours before sexual intercourse. 

If problems persist and exercises don't help... I would recommend seeing a health professional. 

Most importantly, remember, do not compare yourself to proclamations of 'lasting all night long' - those are not realistic. And who the fuck wants to be penetrated all night long anyway?

A good partner has patience and compassion. If you find that someone is not lasting long enough to satisfy you, talk to them about it. Work on things together, most women do not achieve orgasm from penetration alone, so other forms of stimulation are important. 

And just because you have ejaculated, doesn't mean sex is over. Make sure your partner has been satisfied. The best sex involves two (or more if thats what floats ur boat) satisfied people. 

Friday, September 6, 2013

How to do 'the Sex'

So lately I've been getting a lot of questions, concerns and queries from young Pakistani adults who are ready to embark on the wondrous/awkward journey that is S-E-X.....

With how many emails, and messages I've been getting... i thought it was time to address this on a larger scale.. perhaps it will benefit those who are too shy to ask, or simply haven't thought to ask.

Now once again, I will re-iterate... I am not a sex therapist, I'm not in the medical profession whatsoever. So please direct your medical concerns to a doctor. I am not qualified to answer those questions unfortunately.  :(

So please do not send me detailed descriptions of growths etc, *eeeeek* take your ass to a clinic!

First things first. I appreciate all my readers, except the ones that shouldn't be reading such filth in the first place - I'm talking to you under-18 year olds. Though I am sex positive and all for not making one feel guilty about their sexuality, etc etc... I can't condone this overly detailed exposure to sexuality if you're still a kid. Some of the posts I write are perhaps suitable for you, but some are not... So I know I can't stop you, but I would recommend that for now you focus on enjoying being a kid while you still can. Especially about becoming sexually active... i would seriously recommend waiting till you're at least 18. You will make better decisions then :) Trust me.

If you have questions or concerns, I will definitely be here to help.

That being are some of the things I'd like to address:

- Have at least a basic level of respect for the person you are about to sleep with. If you do not respect them you shouldn't be thinking of engaging in something so intimate. If you are still thinking about it... you're probably a huge a-hole and are probably interested in sex for just your own pleasure. You're missing out on a lot if that's how you want to go about it.

- In the same vein do NOT do anything you're not comfortable with. Let no one pressure you into doing things with YOUR body. Whether you're a guy or girl...I recently heard from a guy who was being pressured to move too fast by his girlfriend and was not comfortable with her requests...but he felt that it would be unmasculine of him to turn down her advances - which is so so wrong. Doing something you're not comfortable with will not make you more loved, more macho, more valuable.... once the moments over - you will probably regret it. So don't.

3) Once you are at a point where you are in a (loving) [one doesn't always need love for sex, but trust has to be present FO SHO], trusting bond with someone and you mutually desire to have sex with one need to remember protection!! Condoms all the way. They are hugely important...just once can get you pregnant... yes. Whoever said you can't get pregnant the first time is an ignorant moron. In fact you don't necessarily need full penetration to get pregnant...its rare, but it does fucking careful.

- the withdrawal method - where he pulls out, is NOT an effective form of birth control. There is pre-ejaculate which can get you pregnant!

- foreplay is hugely important, especially for women. Some guys may just want to stick it in already and pump your way to ecstasy... but that's not how it works here. This is another person... not your hand. You need to consider her arousal as well....especially for a first time... lots of foreplay is necessary because it will ensure she is lubricated and relaxed enough for you to stick it in and tear through the hymen, which is excruciatingly painful for some... less painful for others. Nature's a cruel bitch, what can I say...

- don't expect it to be like Hollywood... first time sex is never glamorous or easy. It is mostly awkward... with a lot of fiddling about...sometimes lots of pain... and it may happen that you have to stop in the middle. This is not uncommon. It could take a few times to get it in there. So don't panic. Just make sure you are conscious of the person going through pain. Read the face, it'll tell you more than words will.

- Once you've done it successfully and safely a few not worry if you can't get all kinds of positions to work immediately. Like all things... sex takes practise and experience too. Ladies, don't expect yourself to be a pro at things like being on top immediately. And know that different angles of insertion will bring the pain back again... so first get used to whatever is easiest for you (usually missionary - boring I know... but you'll get there)... and then venture out into more adventurous positions.

- Ladies, don't worry if ur nipples aren't as sensitive as porn or movies make it seem. Nipple sensitivity varies... some people have such sensitive nipples that being touched there is not necessarily a pleasant experience. Everyone is unique and you will get to learn what you like and don't in good time. All you need is a considerate and caring partner, and you can try different things out together.

- If you are trying anal, I would recommend that you take it very very slowly. LOTS of lube. and take it one step at a time. Try inserting a small finger first, if that is ok then move on to a larger one... if that is ok... then make a transition to the tip of the penis... and just gradually build it up. I can't really speak to this from personal I can't say with much conviction how it feels.... but I hear that some ppl enjoy it a lot. Just make sure that both parties are comfortable with the idea!

- Gentlemen, remember that women's breasts are attached to their bodies. Do not yank or pull...unless explicitly told to do so. Usually boobs don't like to be twisted and turned like a ball of playdough.... so go easy on em will ya? Gentle will get you a long way.

- Ladies, remember that a guys dick is made of human flesh. Do not use your teeth when taking a trip down south. Curl your lips over your teeth to avoid scraping. Ouch. Use your hands as well as your mouth, otherwise your jaw will end up hurting!

- Gentlemen.... sticking your finger in and out a vagina without other forms of stimulation wont do much. Experiment with all the bits... and try varying pressure and speed. She will let you know what works for sure... remember to read the body language and the face. Never be rough down there unless told to be that way. Oh and for gods sake... don't have long fingernails!

- Gentlemen, locate the clitoris, as soon as possible.

- Ladies, remember there is more to this penis thing than just the shaft. Explore the surrounding areas.

- Oh and gentlemen, more often than not... women are feeling self conscious about their bodies... The world holds us up to very ridiculous standards that need to be fucking changed to something a little more realistic...compliments will go a long way in boosting that self image. And remember...when someones feeling sexy, they are going to be a hell of a lot more sexy than when they are feeling conscious. This holds true for a lot of men too I'm sure....

- Ladies, from what I hear... men are not nearly as critical of us as we are...they don't all expect us to be a photoshopped flawless unreal creature....that little bit of cellulite on your ass? Don't worry about it. Ur human aren't you? He's probably super excited that you're naked and not scrutinizing your flaws.

- I imagine that same-sex encounters get rid of a lot of these issues that we face in hetero-sex....!
Just knowing the body that you're trying to please like its you're own must be an amazing added dimension!

- Remember that oral sex is equal across the board. If you're ok with receiving it, you better be ok with giving it. One way oral sex is ridiculous. Don't let anyone tell you its filthy - especially if they want to get some.

- Gentlemen, don't worry if you can't last 'all night long' - thats not normal....  there are varying reports about the average lasting time being from 2-20 mins, a quick googlesearch suggests....... but I did read somewhere that the Kinsey Institute reports that 75% of all males reach orgasm within 2 minutes of penetration. I would say that like all things in us complex humans... there is so much variance that one could probably not pinpoint it to a specific average. I mean its like asking whats the average bust size for a woman? There is so much variety...and it's all normal! 
But if you suspect you have serious issues with lasting, I'd go see a doctor about it.

- Oh - and masturbation is perfectly normal for both sexes. It does not make you a slut or a you should not feel like one, o-kay?! 

- I have only ever been asked about this by men, so I'll address them... If you tend to over-masturbate... (like several times a day, everyday) for an extended period of time.. you can kind of become de-sensitized and your body becomes used to orgasming in only a specific way, with a specific amount of pressure that only your hand can provide... and that makes it difficult to cum when engaged in intercourse or oral. So if you are experiencing this problem, you need to cut yourself off from masturbation for a while... so you can ejaculate with your partner. 

I think that covers most of what I've been asked about. Let me know if you have any other questions!

have happy and safe sex everyone!


(oh and for the love of fuck, take your socks off! Nothing sillier than naked people with socks on)  - ok that's not really a rule...might be a personal bias...try it and you'll see what I mean.