Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I really dislike Valentines Day...but here are some sex toys;

Normally, I don't do Valentines day, cuz really - its pretty silly. I don't want to partake in this forced jubilation that everyone feels obligated to participate in.... I find it to be a gag-inducing  false proclamation of love... always have. The times I was single I hated it, and people thought I hated it because I was single... umm no, I just think all this pink and red lovey dovey stuff isn't my thing.

Back in uni, my friend used to do a campus radio show in the middle of the night... it was great, he'd play all kinds of fun gothy/industrial treats. Every Valentine's Day he invited me to be a guest co-host on his radio show --- we'd go to the pub beforehand and get warmed up with a couple of pitchers... then head on over to the station. And talk all kinds of silly crap, heh - we'd hate on Vday a whole lot. Play lots of angry german music... It was a pretty kick ass way to celebrate Valentine's Day...

Anyhow, a couple of years into uni, I met my husband and our relationship quickly progressed from being best friends to more. We were crazy in love... those early days...were like being on crack. I remember not being able to think straight, and never having experienced this sensation of total abandon before.. It was pretty fan-fucking-tastic .... and surprise surprise - my opinion on Vday never changed. It was just as gag-inducing.... hearts ....cupid ... ugh.. No thank you. Give me bats, bondage collars and black any day - but do not inundate me with cutesy stuff. Please.

But in all fairness, Toronto isn't that bad... sure u'll see cutout hearts on shop windows, etc... maybe some heart shaped treats being sold - but its definitely not as in-your-face as Pakistan. Well, can't speak for all of Pakistan, but when I lived in Karachi, I must admit I was taken aback by the obligatory-ness of Valentines day... I mean even the panhandlers on the street were in Vday spirit..the street vendors were trying to sell heart shaped things and pushing roses into your car window, forcing people to buy them because - hey its Valentines day!

I was like??! When did this become a more important holiday than Eid. Very bizarre. Of course, I'm obviously not from the 'We're too Muslim to celebrate Vday' camp. But maybe its a reactionary thing.. perhaps this pushback in the form of pink and red hearts is a necessary evil...

But really? can we not find any other way to combat extremism? If we really can't then I'll get behind Vday for this one reason. Cuz it pisses the religio-crazies off. And in that spirit, I will do a sexy post just for you Valentine's day celebrators.

*   *   *

So, for this post; I decided to venture to the largest sex store in Toronto... and ask some questions, take some pictures (which had to be taken very discretely because I'm not sure if they allow pictures or not) ...

Started the day off with a midday lunch date, with my partner in crime and oh so supportive husband. It was a pretty standard Japanese restaurant. We made it there in time for their bento box lunch specials (yes kids, when you've been married for a while, a bento box lunch is considered a pretty decent date), the food ok - but the service was great.

And hey I'm not complaining...if its good enough for Samuel L. Jackson, its good enough for me.

The server told my husband that the Toronto Raptors often hang out there after a game too. Guess where my husband will be vanishing to after a b-ball game ends. sigh.

While we ate, I kept looking at this sign on the bar counter "premium cigarettes for sale". Wtf?! Since when do restaurants in Toronto sell cigarettes, this is unheard of. It's a sign from Satan below above.

"Honey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"  I said (we both quit smoking in '07)

"Yes. Lets do it." *evil grin*

That was that, we were very naughty, and purchased a pack of smokes. It was quite exciting really.... felt like a couple of kids. (For the record: I think you should not smoke ever, it is very bad for you.)

But I promise you, we will not bring that pack out unless we are having a drink or something.

So, the next part of our date involved us heading on over to the sex store. Once we walked in and started asking questions - a lot of the staff became interested. Especially when I said I write a blog about South Asian and Muslim sexuality.

Interestingly enough, the 3-level store is located right next door to an Islamic Centre. (I've posted a pic of this interesting juxtaposition before) Only in Toronto can you find such tolerance and peaceful coexistence. On both parts....I'm not sure who came in first. Seduction say they were probably first to arrive, since they've been there around 13 years...

The first sales attendant we spoke to mentioned that her recent ex-boyfriend was a Muslim and had serious issues with her working at a sex store. However, thats not so surprising...I can see many muslim guys (as well as non-muslim guys, and women) having issues with their partners working at such a store.

Anyhow. When I started asking about the Islamic centre, and if they've experienced any problems or any intolerance with them located next door - the manager jumped in and said that they've never had any issues at all. He seemed quite pleased with that. And so was I. I was thrilled to hear that they've never even heard any nasty comments hurled at them or anything. And the store staff had nothing but nice things to say about them as well. Tolerance for others looks like this... truly. Why can't our people be this tolerant in their home countries? WHY? Forget sex stores, they pretty much think belonging to a different religion is a sin, having a thought outside of your prescribed doctrine is a sin, cartoons are punishable by death, etc.

I asked if he had seen any visibly muslim looking people come in to the store (from next door for example) And he mentioned that they definitely do come in from time to time. Women with headscarves, and men with beards...

"fascinating", I thought to myself.

A third sales assistant came up (we were generating quite the interest from the staff) and mentioned that they don't often buy anything, but if they are approached by staff they will happily ask questions about products...

She estimated that around 30% of the stores clientele was of South Asian/Middle Eastern descent... I don't know how accurate that number is... but its a heart warming thought. Especially knowing that people from the Islamic centre next door are not what people would stereotype as being angry extremists, but rather just like anyone else... they are curious about the products and come in to ask questions.

Then my husband and I delved into some specific products. I asked the sales assistant if there was anything she recommended for someone who's a 'beginner', who hasn't had much experience with sex toys -- who perhaps doesn't have much access to buy these things, like people in Pakistan for example (yes, yes i hear there are dealers there... but it's all very hush hush and not accessible to most). She recommended this vibrator specifically:

The PicoBong

It has less intense vibrations, its small and not intimidating - doesn't look like a giant plastic veiny cock, and that's a plus in my book. So ladies, or gentlemen.. if you're looking to start - this right here is a great stepping stone into the world of sex toys. You can order from their store online, they ship internationally! (Hopefully Pakistan doesn't intercept such packages) ...

or if u want to be ultra discrete, you could just buy this "massager" that they sell there for some reason lol.

Then she showed us some male-specific sex toys. Dick sleeves... textured ones; bumpy, wavy, with warming and cooling gels.... I am not so familiar with these things... but they seem interesting. My husband just chuckled (real mature, I know).... I don't think he found the idea of them too appealing.. he especially laughed at the one that was marketed as a "Home Entertainment System" but i dont think he managed to get a picture of it, since the sales rep was right there. He did however get a pic of the 'flesh light' one of the most popular male sex toys I've heard about...essentially just a tube u stick your wiener into...

While browsing, I came across a small-ish strap on... marketed 'for him' - That was an odd sight. I was perplexed as to why there needed to be a strap on specifically geared to straight men. I mean, If they wanted to be penetrated, wouldn't they just get a regular strap on? As I soon realised, the answer was no.

The girl explained that this was probably just a marketing ploy to make straight men more comfortable with the idea of anal penetration. If it was marketed to them, it'd make them feel more at ease. Also the smaller size would make it less intimidating, and perhaps the shape of it would be more geared towards hitting the prostate.

Now we're not teenagers anymore so giggling at everything in a sex store is something we're past. But one product on the shelves certainly made us chuckle like school kids...I had to ask just what the fuck that was. A chin-strap dildo? Wow.

Hahaha apparently its to assist in oral. But you'd have to be a very freakin' talented multi-tasker and not afraid of looking silly to pull off a dick on the end of your face. Also the head-thrusting would just get in the way of cunnilingus, no? Weird.

Then there was this little bell.

Interestingly enough, there wasn't a female counterpart that I saw.... no "ring for cunnilingus" ....

Oh, and I found the perfect little hat in the fetish section. Not ultra-fetishy... but something I've been looking for, for a long time now. Only I would browse 3 floors of sex paraphernalia, and leave the store with a hat.

I did see some rather beautiful bondage cuffs, but they were quite expensive.

Happy Valentine's Day to you!


  1. I was waiting for the post :)

    The first time time I went to a sex shop on the Oxford street in the london with a couple of girls (european). Some of the toys I thought were funny and some fascinated me. It was a pretty enlightening visit for me in short.

    Anyways, lets hope everyone understands that making love can be more than just reproduction

    And before I close, let me share one of the funniest things that has happened to me recently. One of my male friends found a tube of body chocolate in my room and the tosser ate half of the chocolate by sucking the tube without knowing what it was. Perhaps, sometimes, ignorance is a bliss.

    1. Hahahahha thats hilarious! Did u ever tell him what that was?

  2. And a happy valentines day everyone.


  3. My first read on this blog, was very amusing specially the juxtaposition of Islamic centre.

  4. Hello. you said somewhere earlier that you are an atheist and an apostate from Islam. Or in other words, you believe that Islam is a false religion and Muhammad was an imposter. May I ask then, why are you so concerned about the image of Islam(or muslims) in western people's eyes?

    1. Hey hey...calm down! what is wrong with you? are you in a habit of calling everyone 'narrow minded'? Who are you really angry at? who do you really think you are?

      I dont know how you spelled it exactly, whether it was vague or something else...but what you have said in one of your posts is enough for someone to be called an atheist and it takes even less on these issues to take one out of the fold of Islam. Because the issues which you seem to disagree upon are of fundamental importance (existence of God for example) and the beliefs which you presumably do not hold are a part of our very basic creed. If your current status is accurately portrayed by your writings then im afraid you're probably an atheist not a Muslim(unless you reverted back of course)...which automatically makes you an apostate from Islam and whether or not you say it, it makes this, 'Islam is a false religion and Muhammad was an imposter', your creed officially. Dont mind this, but this sequence logically follows, I can't do anything about it. But I'll keep a good opinion about you. after all, your comment, as it appeared to me, do show some hope. I don't mean any harm and Im certainly not here to argue...But please if you were under the impression that someone can still be a Muslim after having said things, I dont know whether your words actually do amount to disbelief and whether any other interpretation can be done in order to save you from getting out, but let me just say went very dangerously close down there. So you may wish to retake shahada just to be cautious. and if you actually are an atheist in real life...then of course all of what i said directly applies to you and it would be idiotic for you to care about people who live their lives by falsehood(us muslims, in that case).

      Other than that, I dont think writing about sex and lovemaking is something wrong, quite honestly Quran speaks very openly about it. But if you are a muslim, then I believe the 'way you talk about it' makes it somewhat disliked. And ofcourse I will have to draw the lines and say that there are things which you say that are officially forbidden to do under Islamic code of life...and I or my likes can't take them from this blog but yes positive lovemaking(this is where we differ, the definition of positive lovemaking) is an essential part of human life and its as important as anything else. and talking about it is good, both the ulema down towards the comman muslim man will agree with me on this. So I may have a few questions that I may want to ask you somewhat separately, if you'll allow me to do so about women's libido. If not then good luck and please consider what I said in the paragraph above.

    2. I didnt say I was Muslim by religion, but my forefathers were, and my cultural background is...that does not change no matter what my beliefs are.

      I appreciate you concern and attempts from saving me from the pitfires of hell. But I do not need to be saved from something that doesnt exist in my mind. But thanks again for ur concern.

      It is most certainly not my creed to call someone an imposter. And singling out Islam as a false religion seems to imply that my problem is with Islam alone, when it may be with religion in general. But just because someone has a different opinion from me on something, I don't think its 'idiotic' to care about how they are perceived. We are all human. And if only we all cared about each other on such a basic level...the world would be a better place.

  5. Hum seedhe saade Paindoo log lekin yeh tu pata hae k sardi men chilled beer nahi pee jati balke garmion men pee jati hae aur thand men Brandy Contreaux waghera pee jati hai. Yr pic reminds me of old days Mall Road in Murree in winters !

    1. Actually, in Canada, probably like a lot of Western countries, we drink beer year-round. In fact we have winter beers. So smart-ass anon; before u try to school me in alcoholic beverage consumption you better learn a thing or two about it.

  6. winter beers? how cool is that, pardon the pun. as your southern neighbor, we have micro-brews. and we drink all year as well. some try to drink 24/7 if they could. as far as Valentines day i agree, just another reason to spend money on more crap. but i think the gift you guys bought was appropriate. the thing that is totally sucky on Valentines day is those nasty little chalk flavored, artificially colored hearts. and the stupid cliches, "kiss me" really, kiss my ass, gimmy some chocolate not chalk. some crispity, crunchity, peanut buttery goodness in the middle too. the jumbo Reeses Crispy Crunchy, that's how you say "I love you." if you celebrate Valentines day what about Aphrodite Day, Cupid Day, Venus Day, let's not forget all of those Valkyries. I cherish my wife everyday. the thing i have found, as different as we are religiously, spiritually, we are more the same. i just learned that Islam has some roots in the Old Testament, just like Judaism and Christianity. as an EX-catholic, i have a much more real view of Jesus, he is no imposter. here are some quotes of Jesus, from the St. Thomas scriptures, part of the "Nag Hammadi" library; His disciples asked "when will the kingdom come?" Jesus replied, "it will not come by waiting for it, it will not be said "look here," or "look there," rather the kingdom is spread upon the earth, and the people don't see it. Jesus said, "if your leaders tell you the Kingdom is in the sky, then the birds precede you. If they say to you it is in the sea, then the fish precede you, rather the Kingdom is within you and it is outside of you. Some Bible scholars believe these to be the truest teachings of Jesus, most of Christianity believe these to be heresy. to me these quotes are more applicable today than back then. Eiynah, maybe you could teach me something about Islam, maybe similar, as i have a deep affinity for nature. here is another similarity, the Native American word for spirit is Manitou, the Polynesian word for spirit is Mana, why is the first part of one pronounced identically to the whole of the other, mean the exact same thing yet the 2 cultures are separated by the largest ocean? sumpm to ponder.

  7. Kabhi Siddiqui aka Tharra, Chirri, Arak pee hae tu ne ?

  8. how about u refer to me respectfully and then i'll be more open to answering ur questions.

  9. Adaab Bhabi jaan. kia aap ne kabhi siddiqui jis ko ahle zuban tharra, chiri aur arak bhi kehtay hen, nosh farmaya hae ?