Monday, September 22, 2014
"Can't forget my Attraction towards my Sister"
Most of the emails I receive are from Pakistan, but every once in a while, I get an email from India too. The concerns, issues and way of thinking is always strikingly similar. Recently, the Indian media has been showing an interest in my work. Which is great, some articles are more professionally written than others...but anyhow, that has led to a larger Indian readership for Nice Mangos, welcome, and I hope you'll stick around and interact!
Here is an email I received from India last week (obviously shared with consent of the sender), and before you start finger-pointing one way or another, this is an issue I hear time and time again from my fellow Pakistanis too. The googlesearch tool in blogger, tells me what search words were entered for people to end up here...and I can't tell you how MANY people are looking for stuff on incest in India and Pakistan...what is up with that? Honestly, what do you think causes this fascination in our region for people from within our immediate family? I would love to hear thoughts and comments below..
Anyhoo, here goes;
I regret a lot ,but still cant forget my love/attraction towards my sister. what should i do? am the only one? how bad this is?
Now she is married, but still i cant stop thinking about her, her prescence makes me so happy..
but sometimes in nights getting bad thoughts again and thinking about her. sometimes masturbating on thinkin her
badly want to stop and come out of this...
what to do?
As for the 'sin' part, yes, I do believe 'incest' a sin in most major religions (though incest is defined differently by different groups), but so is stuff like masturbation, eating shellfish, eating a cheeseburger, showing your hair...sooo yeah, the largest issue is: you were taking advantage of her while she was sleeping...there is NO consent involved. And that is sexual abuse.
Even though I personally find incest icky, creepy and all sorts of nasty, if you and your sister *wanted* to have a consensual relationship, that would be a different issue. You would be consenting adults, and though most countries might have laws against it, no one could actually prevent what goes on behind closed doors. Society would judge you, and judge you harshly...it certainly wouldn't be an easy life. But throughout history there have been people who have had such relationships. I am trying not to let my personal biases against incest take over the tone of this post. Bear with me.
That being said, there are obvious benefits of widening the gene pool, and obvious issues with not doing so. Inbreeding and its effects on offspring is probably the number one reason that people site to support their distaste for incest.
So in short, no, you are not the only person to have this type of feeling. But taking advantage of anyone without consent is unethical and abusive.
The fact that she has been asleep through all of this and has no clue what you've been doing to her body, breasts, butt....is incredibly violating, and plain wrong. She could press charges against you for that, and rightfully so.
As for you having 'bad thoughts' enter your mind about her, and masturbating to those thoughts. I mean, there is no way of anyone policing what you're masturbating to....you could be thinking anything... and no one will know. You could tell me you've stopped and still continue, so it's tricky to discuss the thoughts in your head, because there is no way for anyone to control or know those. You feel guilt, and shame, and you want to get out of the habit...so that's a start. I don't think it's healthy at all for anyone to be sexually obsessed with their sibling, especially in a one-sided thing, even if there were no elements of non-consensual touching...
She is married, as you said. She has a life of her own, with someone else, and obviously does not share your feelings. You feelings won't lead to anything but disappointment and frustration for you. But the fact that you recognize this and want to stop is a good sign. So I suggest you try dating, find someone else... far far outside your family... see what else there is out there....perhaps you have never given anyone else a chance because your mind has been preoccupied with one person.
Definitely do not sleep in the same room as her, if she does come home for a sleepover or something.
I'm hoping that if you meet someone else, you can get over this. Plus the fact that she doesn't live with you anymore will probably help.
As for masturbating, find something else to wank to. The internet is full of stroke material. Try to not think about your sister.
Thanks for reaching out. Hope you can get over this and enjoy a healthy mutual attraction with someone.