Monday, September 22, 2014

"Can't forget my Attraction towards my Sister"

Most of the emails I receive are from Pakistan, but every once in a while, I get an email from India too. The concerns, issues and way of thinking is always strikingly similar. Recently, the Indian media has been showing an interest in my work. Which is great, some articles are more professionally written than others...but anyhow, that has led to a larger Indian readership for Nice Mangos, welcome, and I hope you'll stick around and interact! 

Here is an email I received from India last week (obviously shared with consent of the sender), and before you start finger-pointing one way or another, this is an issue I hear time and time again from my fellow Pakistanis too. The googlesearch tool in blogger, tells me what search words were entered for people to end up here...and I can't tell you how MANY people are looking for stuff on incest in India and Pakistan...what is up with that? Honestly, what do you think causes this fascination in our region for people from within our immediate family? I would love to hear thoughts and comments below.. 

Anyhoo, here goes;

Hi Eiynah... I have a thought which is disturbing since my child hood...badly expecting ur view/suggestion on it. I cant disclose this to anyone else. Now am 24yrs old , i have developed a strange feeling towards my sister, since last 8 years.. It all started,While I was 16,my sister was 18,we both used to share same bed for years. But one day in the middle of night,I got disturbed and my mind was out of control and wanted to feel my sister body.I tried to touch with lot of fear and it gave some sensation to my body. I just touched slightly on her breasts and withdrew quickly.she is in deep sleep and didnt feel my touch. next day morning i felt guilty and ashamed to face my sister.I didnt spoke with her on that day and decided i shld not repeat this sin again. But next night i cant control myself and wanted to feel her breast again, Over the days i did this often and become a habit. later i took advantage of her deep sleep and started feeling her breasts and butt. by pressing with my hands. In the morning i felt really ashamed and not speaking with my sister and wanted to kill myself. it continued for few months/yrs, later i think she felt that am doing something bad and started sleeping in separate bed.. But then also i couldnt stop, i was staring at her face and body in night. over the next few months i started strange feeling towards her and want to be kind with her and do whatever she need as a escuse of whatevr i did earlier. still i used to see her slips and stare at her. I dono how bad I am. I am not sure what this feeling towards my own sister. Is it a SIn? hope am not the worst person in the world to do this sin to my sister.
I regret a lot ,but still cant forget my love/attraction towards my sister. what should i do? am the only one? how bad this is?

Now she is married, but still i cant stop thinking about her, her prescence makes me so happy..

but sometimes in nights getting bad thoughts again and thinking about her. sometimes masturbating on thinkin her

badly want to stop and come out of this...

what to do?

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As for the 'sin' part, yes, I do believe 'incest' a sin in most major religions (though incest is defined differently by different groups), but so is stuff like masturbation, eating shellfish, eating a cheeseburger, showing your hair...sooo yeah, the largest issue is: you were taking advantage of her while she was sleeping...there is NO consent involved. And that is sexual abuse. 

Even though I personally find incest icky, creepy and all sorts of nasty, if you and your sister *wanted* to have a consensual relationship, that would be a different issue. You would be consenting adults, and though most countries might have laws against it, no one could actually prevent what goes on behind closed doors. Society would judge you, and judge you harshly...it certainly wouldn't be an easy life. But throughout history there have been people who have had such relationships. I am trying not to let my personal biases against incest take over the tone of this post. Bear with me. 

That being said, there are obvious benefits of widening the gene pool, and obvious issues with not doing so. Inbreeding and its effects on offspring is probably the number one reason that people site to support their distaste for incest. 

So in short, no, you are not the only person to have this type of feeling. But taking advantage of anyone without consent is unethical and abusive. 

The fact that she has been asleep through all of this and has no clue what you've been doing to her body, breasts, butt....is incredibly violating, and plain wrong. She could press charges against you for that, and rightfully so. 

As for you having 'bad thoughts' enter your mind about her, and masturbating to those thoughts. I mean, there is no way of anyone policing what you're masturbating to....you could be thinking anything... and no one will know. You could tell me you've stopped and still continue, so it's tricky to discuss the thoughts in your head, because there is no way for anyone to control or know those. You feel guilt, and shame, and you want to get out of the habit...so that's a start. I don't think it's healthy at all for anyone to be sexually obsessed with their sibling, especially in a one-sided thing, even if there were no elements of non-consensual touching...

She is married, as you said. She has a life of her own, with someone else, and obviously does not share your feelings. You feelings won't lead to anything but disappointment and frustration for you. But the fact that you recognize this and want to stop is a good sign. So I suggest you try dating, find someone else... far far outside your family... see what else there is out there....perhaps you have never given anyone else a chance because your mind has been preoccupied with one person. 

Definitely do not sleep in the same room as her, if she does come home for a sleepover or something. 

I'm hoping that if you meet someone else, you can get over this. Plus the fact that she doesn't live with you anymore will probably help.

As for masturbating, find something else to wank to. The internet is full of stroke material. Try to not think about your sister.

Thanks for reaching out. Hope you can get over this and enjoy a healthy mutual attraction with someone.

7 comments:

  1. I pose a question philosophically... Does the biological consequences of incestual relations point out that the idea of incest is... "un-natural"?

    And to be honest this fella is simply attracted to the opposite sex and being in such close proximity growing up with all this media hype on sex it would only be natural that the hormonal drive would push it to the next level because of sheer accessibility (i.e. sleeping sister in same bed)... Hence why you shouldn't put to sleep opposite sex kids together after a certain age or sleep with kids after a certain age.

    I agree with your suggestion of moving on and it will be hard no doubt but it was a serious violation when it was just one-sided and not consensual because imagine the mental anguish the guy is facing is only half of what the girl is facing...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "her accessibility" - implies she is some object to be had....

      she's a person, with feelings, no one should be touching her without her consent, no matter how "accessible" one perceives her to be... because the simple fact that she isn't consenting to this should be enough to send the message that she is not 'acessible' .

      Delete
    2. Accepted no one should touch without her consent...
      Do u ever felt incest experience? did any of your relative tried with u?

      Delete
    3. Do you ask everyone you come across if they've experienced incest? Have you? Its not exactly something I'd say was common...

      I have been fortunate that people in my immediate family are pretty regular in that regard and feel no attraction towards each other. So nope.

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    4. As u say fortunate.. do u mean incest is wrong ?
      is it wrong to get attracted towards a person who is been with u for years

      Delete
  2. Hi ,

    Really a good one.. Is incest is wrong?
    I too had similar attractions towards my sis..we both also share same room, had all fun like kissing, hugging each other. masturbating each other, all but except sex...
    is incest wrong? can we have sex?will it affect in anyway

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I said above, if two adults consent, it should be nobody's business. If she is interested in you as well (and you are both of age) then what you do is your business. But you should be aware that inbreeding increases the chances of genetic defects in future offspring. I am not comfortable with the idea of incest, to be honest...but its not my place to tell consenting adults what they can and can't do.

      Delete