So someone forwarded me a link to an Ad on a classifieds forum, the text reads:
*twenty-something* male in toronto, student looking to connect with guys on-campus or nearby after ramadan. i'm not gay, just looking to jerk, suck, and fuck.
hoping to hear back from guys of colour and other muslim guys.
i prefer middle eastern, south asian, and any muslim. i only suck clean cut cocks.
I have blocked out all identifying information, as well as any parts of the photo that might have identified the person.
But there isn't much to say, as the text really speaks for itself.
Just a very straight dude, looking for post-ramadan gay sex.
"i'm not gay, just looking to jerk, suck, and fuck."
Of course, yes, a quick suck and fuck never made anyone gay. And so glad you're keepin' it holy by only soliciting for such activities post Ramadan.
"hoping to hear back from guys of colour and other muslim guys."
Ah yes, the religious beliefs of your one-night stands/casual encounters are so important.
"i only suck clean cut cocks."
Such specific preferences for someone who's NOT gay.
This is funny, but its also sad. Reflective of a lot of our desi/Muslim attitudes towards homosexuality. Sheds some new light on the term 'holy hypocrisy'.
But poor guy, it must be tough living in a world where you want to have gay sex bad enough that you have to solicit it on a forum, but also have to justify that you're *not* gay simultaneously. Not accepting yourself is painful. And my heart goes out to him. Its hard to want to do something that is obviously a grave sin in your religion *and* adhere to the religion....you find some compromise and do it outside of the holy month of Ramadan...but surely the internal conflict goes beyond that.
I once interviewed a 20 year old, who thought somewhat similarly. Having engaged in a same sex encounter himself, but when asked about his thoughts on homosexuality referred to it as 'disgusting' :/
Today as I was about to post this ad, it just so happened I heard from him again. Below is our conversation:
i think i started reading ur blog when i was in my o' levels (10th &11th grade)....
coming back to the 'disgust' thing
its psychological, i can't help it, its something which is deeply embedded in every paki boy's childhood.
i dnt feel 'disgusted' by choice.
Me: interesting point you bring up
and that is something we need to change
and I hope projects like 'My Chacha is Gay' can work towards that
A: we grew up discussing rapist maulvis and gay smelly pathans.
Me: those are pedophiles, (and the second is just a racist/homophobic false stereotype)
predators, who will prey on any child that is accessible...
Me: to equate them with lovely, respectable people who value consent like any decent human being, but just happen to be attracted to the same sex is offensive, and awful. i know you realise that.
A: i do, yeah.
A: but you need to understand
in the average paki person's mind's eye
its all the same
Me: yeah but you are not the average person if you recognize all these things
A: i'll make a confession
I have an important physical fitness test coming up next week
which means i haven't masturbated in like about 3 weeks
i just hope i clear it, and i want u to pray for me, okay?
Me: what does masturbation have to do with a physical fitness test?
haha i send you positive vibes but you are asking the wrong person for prayer :P
A: i know, and i asked for the positive vibes only.
i am an agnostic, as i told u before
well the masturbation thing is another example of the paki concept ingrained in our minds since teenage.
that masturbating will decrease ur strength.
Me: yeah, thats not true
come on ... you know that
have you read my posts on masturbation?
A: i have, i know.
A: i know it ain't but i dare not masturbate until after monday, when my test is over
Me: because some things are just that deeply embedded eh?
Me: and that explains everything
the disconnect between your logical thoughts and your gut reactions
A: i will give u another example
Me: jeez, we can do some serious damage to our kids, huh?
A: we do.
Me: well ... at least you recognize it...
and i believe that is the first step towards recovery
A: i do, but that doesnt make me any better for it.
i am an agnostic, but i still feel depressed sometimes....
Me: it does... im sure you can work towards changing it now you know its there
A: ....thinking that because i do not pray 5 times a day, i will go to hell, and all
Me: you won't :P
A: i smile as i type 'i agree' right now
Me: living with that kind of fear is a hell in itself
A: but in my mind's mind, there remains that lingering doubt.
and that is because
though my parents never spanked me
i received a helluva lot of beatings from my maulvi (Quran teacher)
Me: you're still young... and you're on the right track... read more, learn more about the world... and you'll be ok.
Me: thats FUCKED UP
did u tell your parents?
A: when reciting the quran, he would hit my knees with the miswak (teeth-cleaning twig)
Me: did they have him arrested?
A: no, my mother supported him
and my maternal uncles supported him too.
and even i supported him then
i was told that this beating here, was better than the beating of hell fire
and at that time, i felt elation at the idea that he fucked my knees up
and thats every paki boys story
Me: this breaks my heart..... that is plain child abuse
I am so so sorry
A: you dnt have to be, almost every paki boy has suffered it.
Anyhow, we had to part ways shortly after....
but there you have it, the inner workings....the damage certain things can do...the extent of that damage, how confusing it can be for a young mind....and how hard it is to let go of things deeply ingrained.... an irrational disgust of homosexuality...an irrational fear of hell fire.... these are things we carry with us, and sometimes find hard to escape. Please, don't do this to our future generation....its in your hands...
much love and gratitude to A for sharing his story and for explaining quite well some of the contradictions that keep cropping up...
As an aside; why do so many Pakistanis use the word 'paki' - its such an awful derogatory term...but anyhoo, thats for another day, another post.