Thursday, January 24, 2013

How to spot a (desi) Sexist


So recently, it has come to light just how unaware our Pakistani population is about sexism - men and women both...The ignorance is alarming...Wake the fuck up people. Especially women, don't let this crap go on right under your noses, speak out against it.

Its important that we learn to recognize the signs of sexism & sexists, because these bastards can be pretty tricky.

So here are some seriously serious tips about how to pick one out of a crowd;

1) Male sexists usually have a slightly forked tongue, so look carefully...often the subtle lisp that comes from having such a tongue is what gives them away... They are usually very comfortable in feudal settings, and other areas where the population is under-educated. Its when people are informed, and empowered that you will find this type slinking into the shadows, hurling insults anonymously. They are usually very cowardly, so do not be afraid... all you have to do is stand up to them, do not be put off by the disgusting forked tongue.

2) Female sexists are usually victims of brainwashing and the internalization of self hatred...This has occurred over centuries...they are unaware of their own sexism, but you can usually pick them out of a crowd because there are bubbles, foam and soap suds emerging from their ears...(as a result of the constant brainwashing) - their hearing is obviously impaired from the process, but please do not be dismayed if u try to tell them things and they are unable to comprehend. It will just take a few weeks of ear drainage, and they should soon be able to hear more clearly.

(click to enlarge)

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Ok for realzies now,  if only there were obvious physical indicators like that....it'd be easy to spot them anywhere...but its not that simple in the real world.... so without the forked tongue and bubbles.... we'll need to look a little closer. It's important they be identified though, because they are detrimental to the progress of any society.

There are a few types;

1) The Obvious hater of Womankind: Usually male, but there are plenty of female ones too. Often the result of a lack of modern education - or being 'set in their ways'. This type of sexist is certainly not shy about their views, in fact they're happy to shout this shit from the rooftops. They are proud to say that a woman's place is in the home/kitchen and anything challenging that, is destroying traditional values. They think women should watch how they dress, or they'll be raped. They also believe a woman's main purpose in life is to bear children, continuously. In their eyes, women should always look a certain way, and behave submissively.

'Sexuality is something good, pure women do not express'.

Image from: http://www.collapseboard.com


2) The Part-time hater of Womankind: This type of sexist can actually be quite 'educated' but obviously, a lot of it slipped through the cracks. They are all for liberal, empowered women, unless its someone related to them, or someone that is married to them. Then they get all possessive, caveman style.

They date girls in miniskirts  abroad *gasp*, but they want to come home to a chapati-making modestly dressed virgin that mommy picked out. They think that premarital sex is an option for 'foreign' girls and for men. Local, 'decent' South Asian girls are for the purposes of marriage and bearing children.

They like an empowered woman in the bedroom, as long as its not their wife (double standards are a running theme with them). A lot of these types of male sexists find that their sexism comes out in spurts, depending on the global region they're in. Female part-timers might be all for equality until u hit a particular issue, and then their double standard will kick in. For example, 'Women shouldn't swear' , 'Women shouldn't drink', 'A good wife never refuses her husband in bed' .  Sure, if u hate swearing and drinking, etc all together, that makes sense. But then apply the same restriction both ways please.

Image from: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/vintage%20sexism


3) The 'Progressive' hater of womankind: This is one of the trickiest kinds of sexist to spot. They camouflage themselves well.  They are seemingly open minded about a lot of issues, openly willing to talk about taboo topics in desi-land.....like sex and sexuality, homosexuality, gender equality.

But..... once in a while they will say something that gives them away. For example 'Women tend to like housework' 'I don't think that oral sex has to go both ways' 'some men just don't like to do it, and if their woman is fine with that then there's no issue' Umm, yes there is an issue. If you don't want to go down, don't expect to receive that kind of pleasure either. If ur fine with a one-way oral relationship it only gives away your douchey-ness. Not only is it selfish, but its continuing to apply the submissive role to women in the bedroom. She may say she's ok with this arrangement, only because for decades she has been told that women shouldn't seek pleasure in sex. And having u go down on her feels dirty and shameful. You should work on having an equal loving relationship... not be fine with ignoring one party in the bedroom (Of course there are exceptions, and perhaps she truly feels violated- in any case don't pressure her... just work on building trust and pleasure for both).

This type of sexist will also think its ok to make genuinely sexist jokes (not hipster ironic ones), and laugh at serious issues that women have struggled with for centuries. Do not be fooled by their 'progressive' facade. Its an act, probably to get laid or something. I have personally come across the 'I'm a feminist' guy that uses it only to get attention, and seems not to care about equality for women.
 The female counterparts of this kind of sexist often make excuses for and try to defend such double standards.

4) The Inadvertent Sexist: This type of sexist truly thinks they are against sexism, and all for equality - but then they make truly hurtful sexist jokes, and laugh at truly hurtful sexist things. They make idiotic comments on social media and claim that 'it was only a joke' - so you shouldn't be offended. Both men and women alike. This kind of sexist is just plain ignorant, worthy of pity really, not anger... because they think they have progressed beyond such things... but they just don't have a clue. Sometimes they are young, sometimes just uninformed... in both cases u hope they grow the fuck up.  Sometimes this type just needs to be informed, that this type of 'joke' i not on. The least people can do is call the little shits out for their smartass McSexism.



And for those who are genuinely confused about what offends women...here's a list of some topics you prolly shouldn't delve into, unless you have something intelligent or accurate to say;

-PMS: don't make sweeping statements, jokes or assumptions about women being crazy or irrational during or before their period. Especially when you know nothing about their menstrual schedule. Any woman disagreeing with you or calling you out, is not PMSing - ok? Just grow a pair of balls or ovaries, and learn to take a disagreement without dismissing the persons views entirely. Yes, women can disagree with you without being on their period...end of story. Give them enough respect to accept it for what it is.

Sure you may have a funny tale about your wife, gf or friend getting a little angrier than usual about something.... but the second u apply that to all women, or to random women you know nothing about - you are putting your own idiocy up for display - so don't be surprised if someone has something to say about it.

Image from: http://www.missrepresentation.org/feminism/that-time-of-the-month-an-excuse-for-sexism-all-the-time/

-Gender Roles: If you 'joke' about 'making you a sandwich' you are an asshole (and no im not referring to those who are joking about joking about making a sandwich). If your go to joke is about women and kitchens, you are an asshole. Don't you have the ability to recognize that such 'jokes' are rooted in centuries of female oppression?

If you think women can't drive, or cant watch sports, you are an asshole. If you imply that women talk too much, especially during your sporting events, you're a special kind of scrote. If you think men should be allowed to have more freedom, you're insane (basically much of the Muslim world thinks this).

If you think men should earn more for doing the same thing - you deserve to never get laid.

Image from: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/vintage%20sexism




Image from: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/vintage%20sexism
(click to enlarge)



-Sexual Objectification: Responding to arguments with comments like 'boobs' is not only juvenile, but it shows that you have nothing smart to say, and that you have trouble taking women seriously. Even if you don't have trouble taking them seriously, when you say such things... it makes it seem that you do. Do not infantilize us by calling us 'sweetheart' 'doll' 'babe' - its different when you know someone and care about them and use these as terms of endearment, but when you do it to random women, its offensive. Also do not make jokes about how 'women should please men' - we are not slaves. Sure sexual education is important for everyone, and both genders should be well informed about sexual pleasure. Don't objectify us further by telling us what to do. Pleasing a man is not that complicated, I assure u. Everything is external, fairly simple to figure out how it works. In fact perhaps, men need to learn a thing or two about pleasing women. Oh, and PORN is not where you should learn these things from. Sure I believe (other feminists may disagree) theres not much harm in wanking sometimes to mainstream porn - but do not hold that as your standard. Know that its fake and women do not like to have sex like that, most of us don't anyway. Why no, we don't want your cum sprayed all over our faces all the time....and no we don't like it when you grab our hair and thrust your cock in and out like nobody's business... we too have a gag reflex. And also know that real women don't look like pornstars... So, sure wank to it once in a while, but definitely keep these tips in mind.


Image from: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/vintage%20sexism


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There is a difference between being a sexist at heart and committing the occasional sexist act. Even the very best of us are unable to avoid it always...society is set up to be sexist... to different degrees depending on where u are in the world. Try to be aware of it, and try to do things differently. Thats the only way we'll ever get past it. In the West, we overcame a lot by simply calling it out. The East should do the same.

And please do not make excuses for sexism. It is never ok. But on the flipside its important to not throw the word around casually either. Nothing makes a laughing stock of the cause u care about, like overdoing it ...a la 3rd wave feminists.






20 comments:

  1. Thank you for taking the time out to write such a detailed post about me.

    I'm flattered.

    It's okay if you have a crush on me.

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  2. Its kind of sweet that you've been excitedly checking my blog. But sorry kid this isn't all about you. Tho, I'm glad u now admit you're a sexist... but you're not only sexist ive come across in the past little while...sadly, our nation has a large variety on offer.

    Don't flatter yourself.... and also... sorry i cannot reciprocate your crush, I'm not into bestiality.

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  3. your post made my day, lmao. you said women don't look like they do in porn. more and more they do. they look like 8 year olds and the men look like freaks. what is with all of this insidious body hair removal? it is there for a purpose. pit and pubic hair wick the sweat and pheromones away from the body so the 4 winds cast your scent to attract a mate. it is like viagra, without the side affects. all of the porn stars look alike, homogenized, monoculturalized, plasticized. i prefer "hairy" porn. why is the look of a natural ADULT woman a fetish and the look of an 8 year old is not even becoming, it is mainstream. you mentioned "brainwashing." women and men have become so obsessed with this fad, fashion that they are risking 2nd and 3rd degree burns to look like they are 8 or like a freak. i read a woman suffered burns to her face because some soft fuzz made her feel self conscious, so she had it lasered off, now she is scarred. at least the fuzz won't make her feel self conscious. rubbing on burning wood would have been cheaper. a vid on youtube show a grown man with the same on his back. does it hurt and have a temperature dumb ass? Dr. Emily Gibson wants an all out ban on pubic hair removal. she is tired of treating MRSA and other nasty pathogens resulting in alien eyeball like growths in both men and women's pre-pubescant groins. brainwashing? self acceptance? Ladies, the media is not done with you. your hair is the wrong color, eyebrows are the wrong shape, eye lids, again you got the color wrong, and your eye lashes are to short. with this total suck tube of an economy, your nose needs a job. now this one baffles the crap out of me. i grew up in the US during the 60s. there was a time when having dark skin and full lips was considered "ape-like." now women flock to tanning booths to baste and bake themselves like holiday hams then flock to the plastic surgeon to get their lips inoculated, all so they can look like an ape, but in reality they look way more like Daffy Duck. (that's trapped in an 8 year old's body) everybody, the media isn't done with you. pay attention to the man on the screen, not the man behind the curtain. there is a new flash of fancy you need to buy into, a new goop, gadget or gizmo. a new brighter artificially colored, zingier artificially flavored "food." would you like that super-sized?" are you feeling good yet? if not go on Dr. Oz and whine because you can't stand to look at yourself nude in the mirror. or you can call your own doctor and see if this new blue pill is right for you. but read the caution, studies show it may make you want to kill yourself, in that case see your doctor, he has a newer bluer pill for you, but read the caution, studies show... we have separated ourselves from the natural, assimilated the artificial, and resistance is futile.

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  4. Hahahahahaha Beezti

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  5. LMFAO @ chapati making virgin picked out by mommy

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  6. This is not just for Pakistani, this is happening EVERYWHERE! I've tried so hard to get issues about women open to discussions, but like always, there is ALWAYS one person (usually male), but many times, more than one, disputing issues that are so rampart. The last status I put up on Facebook, in which I took a hour to explain the many inequalities women face and I did this thinking 'if only this person knows the facts, and knows I'm doing it out of caring for all humanity', he will understand. What resulted was that this a male ended up calling me misandristic!! One of the worst thing I could be called because all of my life my closest friends were boys/men but even more insulting and intensely hurtful was that the one person I loved more than everything and everyone...more than myself was my best friend/soul mate/other half and husband who was brutally murdered about 4 yrs ago. I'm lost so much faith in us, women and men, ever working together to solve problems, which at first, might only be connected with women but actually help all of us, in the long run.
    While just reading this, I came upon a site, which made what I'm saying about men and women never getting along, very possible. The comments are worst I've ever seen: http://exposingfeminism.wordpress.com/what-is-misandry/
    BTW, have sent you a FB invite. Hoping you'll accept it. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Im so sorry to hear ur tragic story Hena.... please don't lose hope in humanity though... there are still good people out there. I did accept your fb request :) THank you for ur comment....

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  7. This conversation just ruined all the mood after reading blog.

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  8. Excellent post Eiynah! I think I've met at least one sexist from every category. "The Inadvertent Sexist" is the most frustrating. I have encountered several of these. They seem to think their sexist remarks are "cool" or funny and that they're excluded from the possibility of being sexist because they're convinced of how progressive and open minded they are. Arguing with such types is pointless.

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  9. For Hena; There was this wave out in the middle of the ocean, basking in the sun, cresting high and diving deep, playing with the dolphins and sea lions, having the time of it's life. After what seemed like a lifetime of frolicking, the wave looked up and saw something it had never seen before, a whole line of waves ahead of it, crashing and disappearing, ceasing to exist! The wave panicked and pulled as hard as it could against the currant, but to no avail. then the wave saw an other wave racing past it. The wave yelled,"what, are you crazy? don't you see all of the waves crashing, and disappearing, ceasing to exist!? The other wave paused and replied "you don't get it do you? you are more than just a wave, much much more," turns and races towards the shore. The wave asks "what do you mean?" The other wave turns and hollers "YOU ARE PART OF THE OCEAN!"

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  10. I think God screwed up when She created the world, because people not only like pot but just like pot, the only way to have really good pot is to get rid of all of the males!

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  11. "If you 'joke' about 'making you a sandwich' you are an asshole. If you joke about women and kitchens, you are an asshole. Don't you have the ability to recognize that such 'jokes' are rooted in centuries of female opression?1


    WTF? Talk about taking shit too seriously.

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    1. one doesnt have to go far to see a textbook example of assholery, do they? Please see above ^ "WTF talk about taking shit too seriously" YEah thats right anonymous, im such an idiot for taking female oppression "too seriously" because everyone in pakistan knows that its a silly laughing matter.... women were made to be oppressed by men... and to make sandwiches... Thanks for pointing it out anon, I'lll try not to take issues like centuries of oppression seriously again. Fuckin douchebag. Get an education.

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  12. Interesting and embarrassing. I do become the 4th category only as long as I'm in Pakistan. The moment I enter Europe, I lose this 4th state of mind. Its probably becuase Pakistani women generally do not mind such sexist jokes. Infact they laugh at it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your honesty! Most men wouldn't admit to that... but admitting it is a step forward. Cheers.

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  13. I can still be the type 4 Inadvertent sexist sometimes, usually when I slip into childhood patterns of joking around with my male friends. Took me an embarrassingly long time to take my mothers ultra feminist admonitions about this stuff seriously.
    That being said, I feel like jokes about race, sex, sexual orientation, etc are much like what you said about infantilization:

    "Do not infantilize us by calling us 'sweetheart' 'doll' 'babe' - its different when you know someone and care about them and use these as terms of endearment, but when you do it to random women, its offensive".

    (This is very true, my fiance got mad at me in the start of our relationship because I didn't have a term of endearment for her and insisted on calling her by her name. She picked 'babe' and 'baby' and now I see no problem with using them.)

    Its about who you make those jokes about and too. Is it sexism to make a joke at a dinner party or the lunch room? probably. You don't know these people well enough to know they're okay with the joke, and they don't know you well enough to know you're only joking.
    I like to think I've grown out of my type 4 stage, and thus in select circumstances can make, or at least tolerate, a sex themed joke, such as at comedy show or amongst close friends, where we all know its a joke. If there's any ambiguity you should probably hold your tongue. I like to think that doesn't mean I'm still a type 4... But maybe I've still got some growing up to do.

    K

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    1. I think if you recognize those things you're probably not! We all laugh at the ocassional sexist thing, but endorsing sexism generally and slipping into unconsciously, but generally opposing it, are different. Also on the flipside, very important to not cal everything sexism...because that just undermines and makes a laughing stock of the whole cause. Some of this third wave radfem stuff is why many people are put off by feminism now. Very sad :(

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    2. Is it sexist to think that ecard was hilarious? I laughed really hard when I first read it then immediately felt guilty... Is that guilty feeling going too far, being too sensitive, and toeing the line of calling every little thing sexist? or is it a good thing because it reminds me that it might be funny in certain contexts, but maybe this isn't one of them. (when a random online joke at no one in particular probably is?)

      And is all this the kind of mental exercise I should be doing at every joke?

      *SIGH* first world problems...

      K

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    3. Hahahah i hear u.... that e-card is kinda funny, because of how ridiculous it is I guess. The difference lies in seeing it as funny ridiculous, and seriously thinking thats a good line to use I guess. But yes these are very minute things to think about. Whether u should hve laughed at an e-card or not. But just thinking about it shows that you obviously care about not being sexist. Tho there's over thinking, and so many people will try to tell you that everything is sexist. Like that ridiculous #shirtgate incident, remember that? As with all things its tough to walk in the center...between the 'nothing is sexist' crowd and the 'everything is sexist' crowd.

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  14. Lol yeah. The difference between caring and not, and thinking and not, is the difference between sexist and not. And for those that cant see a difference you're making things worse not better either by thinking nothing is or everything is. Gotta love their dogma.

    And yeah I remember that, poor guy just trying to honor his friend by wearing the shirt on TV caught a bunch of crap. Yeah it was a little unprofessional but worth the flak? heck no.

    Part of me always likes getting advice telling me to think, but not too hard. xD

    K

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