Its mornings like this one, when I wake up to emails like this... that i love writing my blog. I am honoured that people feel comfortable enough to trust me with the most intimate details about their life. Below is a perfect example of what I always say; that something as complex as sexuality is never just black and white. In fact, it is a fluid, ever-changing and constantly evolving entity of its own...(with tentacles :P )
Sometimes it is a reflection of our upbringing...sometimes its a result of our past...sometimes...it just is.
Whatever the reasons for its current shape or state, its definitely important to try and learn more about the subtle layers that make up human sexuality...for that is a window into our own psyche.
Thank you Aminah for your honesty!
I came across your blog and I have to say it was a breath of fresh air! A truly open minded place for desis to share stories about sex and sexuality. I’m loving all the topics you’ve covered so far, and will most definitely keep checking in. I wanted to say thanks for doing a great job, don’t stop.
I notice that you have been covering the topic of homosexuality quite a bit lately. And I just wanted to share my story with you. You often have great advice for your contributors and I was hoping you could clarify some things for me too.
First I will give you some background about myself, I am born and raised in Karachi. My upbringing has been very liberal so you can’t say that I represent the average Pakistani. The people I socialize with are all ferociously liberal as well. Probably as a result of this upbringing, and social circle I do not consider myself sexually repressed. In fact I think I am quite comfortable and aware of my sexuality. I am engaged to the love of my life, and I enjoy a very healthy sex life with my fiancé. Except there is one thing that bothers me slightly:
As far as visual stimulation goes, I am only aroused by looking at other women. I am most definitely not a lesbian. Or even bisexual, I don’t think I could ever actually go through with a same sex encounter. Not that I think there is anything wrong with it, but its just not for me. Except when I am looking for visual stimulation or I am fantasizing. I almost never fantasize about being with a man, always with a woman, it is the only way I get aroused. And if I watch pornography, I like to watch lesbian porn. The visual image of a naked guy doesn’t do much for me. This is very hard for me to explain, I hope I am making some sense here. If I masturbate I have to picture being touched by another woman, yet.. I have no interest in actually being with a woman. Its very confusing to me. I feel nothing for women, or about women. I could never be emotionally attached to a woman in that way. I could only ever have a relationship with a man. And I have found myself a perfect man, whom I love very much.
Of course I haven’t discussed this with my fiancé, because I don’t want to hurt him. Plus I don’t think he would understand, I barely understand myself. To put it briefly, I love having sex with him, I love being touched by him, I even love giving him pleasure. I am just not turned on by the male naked body the same way I am by the ‘image’ of a female naked body. (I say ‘image’, because I think if I was faced with an actual naked female, I probably wouldn’t be aroused, just uncomfortable.)
So what I’m trying to say is that my ideal sexual situation is, to be with a man, have sex with a man whilst thinking about having sex with a woman. Does that make any sense at all?
-ps. Of course this goes without saying, but feel free to post this email on your blog. I would love to hear what other people/women have to say.
Now, myself and Aminah would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. And in an attempt to keep this post brief, I will not say much more right now, I will talk more about this email in my next post.
Happy Monday folks! Friday is one day closer now.