Saturday, March 31, 2012

"I can only demand that my wife be a ‘pure’ virgin, if I myself am one."

So I might be beating a dead horse here... because everyone bitches about this subject. But if everyone has issues with it, then why isn't it changing?

I googled 'Pakistan + Virginity', and I came across a Pakistani forum, with some, *ahem* interesting advice for 'unmarried females' there was no such advice for unmarried males on this particualr post. The person posting this calls himself dr_qasimsaif, god i hope this idiot isn't a real doctor. Wouldn't be surprised if he is though:

For unmarried females
Un married females ko cha yeh wo essi games essi activites say avoid kurin jisy hymen repture hony ka chance ho, virgin hona ek female kay leyeh bhe ezzut or wuqaar or ek honor hota hay es leyeh apni virginity ki care kurin or illegal activites like masturbation or illegal sexual relation say ijtinaab kurin ek tu Gonah kubeera hay or in future wedding life meah problem aa sukty hen, personal hygiene ka khiyaal kurin, essy literature, films say avoid kurin jin say sexual desire increase hoti ho or esi tura apny mungatur ya kisi na mehram say kisi turaa kay sexual relation rukhny say apny ap ko buchayin en chezo kay ussuraat achy nahi hoty gonaah tu hota he hay, apni virginity ki hifazat kurin,

I've got four things to say;

1. How about you live your life avoiding sexual arousal douchebag.
2. Since when has masturbation become 'illegal'?
3. If you are indeed a Dr. you should have your license revoked.
4. If you are handing out medical advice using English language terminology, you should at least learn how to spell the words you use. Its Rupture, not Repture.

That is all.


We all know of the double standards surrounding virginity in Pakistan. A girl, should naturally be a virgin at the time of marriage...that much is set in stone. If she isn't, she's a whore.

In fact you get labelled a whore for a lot less depending on who you're talking to. When I was 15, my grandmother used to tell me not to talk to girls who smoke because supposedly they are of 'bad character'. My aunts who smoked couldnt smoke in front of her, but my uncles smoked openly in front of their mom. Of course even at that age her comment offended me to the core. At 15 I wasn't a smoker, but I recognized that it was incredibly unfair to judge someone's character and morality if they smoked and happened to have a vagina also. Posessing one myself, I took it quite personally. Not to mention it encouraged me to try smoking (which I have since given up, thank asshole of a habit to kick...not worth taking on just to piss your grandma off... cuz then it sticks...sometimes for a decade :o)

And don't tell me that my nani is more judgemental than most desi aunties... because thats just untrue. Go and hang out with more desi aunties. It wont be fun, but do it for science.

As for men, its nice if they're virgins... but even if they've had a bit of premarital fun, its ok. Boys will be boys, sometimes dicks like to go a wanderin' thats just how they're made... At least thats the attitude our Pakistani(or even Indian) society has towards it. Of course there will always be exceptions, I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the dominant attitude. How many Pakistani men that are sexually active themselves before marriage would actually be ok if their wife-to-be was getting a bit of premarital experience herself? Let's be honest here. Not a whole lot.

Admittedly, however, my group of male interviewees has been very open minded about the idea of marrying non-virgins. But I've got a pretty skewed demographic. They're all of a certain age, from a certain socioeconomic background and definitely very westernized...because as I've said before - these are the only people that are willing to talk to me about sex. If you're interested in my previous posts about premarital sex, you can see them here and here.

I interviewed another open minded Pakistani gentleman recently. And can we please make this openmindedness the norm? Or if not openmindedness, can we at least be less hypocritical? If you're going to forbid something, do it consistently. For fuck's sake. :)

S.K.A., 28, Male

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?

Around eighth grade, when some of my classmates with older brothers started talking about it. Initial reaction: disbelief! I thought everyone was making stuff up! I don’t think I had ever come up with the “where babies come from?” question.

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?

During my last trip to Pakistan in 2008, I came across a few people who were enjoying premarital sex. Shocking to me, to say the least. What surprised me even more was that it was OK for them to do it, yet somehow taboo to talk about it. So even the folks who were doing it had problems discussing it, except for the guys who had a sense of achievement about it.

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex?

Yes and yes! And there are times when you enjoy the lust-iness of it… other times it’s the intimacy that you enjoy. Depends on who your partner is, and the nature of your relationship.

On premarital sex:

Yes I have [had premarital sex]. I do not see anything wrong with it, socially. Two consenting adults doing what they want, without bothering anyone else should be of no consequence to the said anyone else.
Religiously I have been brought up to think it is wrong, which I have no problems with

Have you had more than one sexual partner in life?

Yes. Not at once though! Oh, how I would love that :-P

On Sex & Equality:
No it’s not [equal]. It’s a little bit of give and take every time you do it. I let my partner control the flow of things every other time.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?

I think more than the physical differences, it is what the media, culture and our education system has made it out to be that define gender roles in society. It is human psychology to be curious about things that they are not supposed to know about/feel. You tell a kid not to touch something, and he will, as soon as you turn your back on him. That psychology carries way into adulthood, and the more taboo you make something, the more fascinating it gets for people. We need to change our thought process, and accept the changes that the web and open media have brought in Pakistan.

Have you ever experienced a multiple orgasm?

Yes I have. Immediately after having one, me and my partner started going at it again. I would say the second one was more intense, maybe just because I’d never had two in such quick succession.

Have you ever found or had your g-spot found?

I have found multiple g-spots :-p. Using the trusted hit and trial method, with some help from the g-spot carrier!

Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?

No. For someone like that I think all it will take is some practice, and an orgasm will surely come.

Do you think about sex everyday?

Yes. I would say at least about twice a day.

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life?

It might not play a major role in my life, as in my decisions and day-to-day life are not affected by it, but it is a major part of my life.

On Masturbation:

Just like oral sex, masturbation is only natural. The desi urban myths about going blind, getting impotent etc. are just that: myths.

Would you morally, ethically or in any way, have a problem with marrying someone who had had sex with someone before you?

If it’s ok for me to do it, it should be ok for her to have done it as well. I can only demand that my wife be a ‘pure’ virgin, if I myself am one.

On Pornography:

While I do not consider it art, I certainly do not consider it to be obscene or taboo either. There are limits to what kind of access certain people should have, depending on their age, behavior etc, but you cannot deny the people who enjoy it access to it, just because some people object to it.

To what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world, do you think people practice bestiality (sex with animals) in this country?

I think more than is reported. The repressed mentality of a lot of males makes them do desperate things. Most rapists commit the act because of the sense of empowerment they get from it… In Pakistan, I think rape occurs because of the lack of a sexual outlet. This lack of sexual outlet is what leads many into bestiality.

What are your thoughts on homosexuality?

Like I said earlier, personal choice… Do not force me to adhere to your preferences, and I will not bother you about yours. Homosexuality in a lot of the rural parts of Pakistan is not due to preferences, but more because of the lack of availability of the opposite sex.

As far as sex lives are concerned, do you ever wonder what other people in this country are doing and what do u think they are doing?

I think that most other people lead bored, mundane sex lives, with their married partners, always wondering what it would be like to be free of the constraints of social norms and pressures. I would say that 10 per cent of the Pakistani population leads a happy sexual life.

* * *

Yikes...! Ten per cent :( thats pretty bleak. any thoughts on that, anyone? Surely the number of sexually satisfied pakistanis can't be as low as that..... or can it?


  1. There is a answer for this in Holy Quran only. Please refer to this ayah "Alkhabisoon lil khabisat" Beleive me there is nothing left in this world and hereafter which is not mentioned this wonderful book.

  2. @above: what surah+ayat number?

  3. Surah Alnoor. You have to look for meanings in tafseers. The virgin is for virgin only.

    1. I love it when people go all defensive and Islamic, despite the fact they are commenting as "Anonymous".

    2. the anonymous ones are the funniest.

  4. I know this stupid forum, its called noorclinic, and there are hell lotta stupid posts on that forum.