Tuesday, November 29, 2011

How to spot a Homophobe

Just like regular decent people, homophobes come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they're hard to spot, because they're masquerading as tolerant...but fear not dear readers...because my homophobe-spotter is just as sharp as my 'gaydar'...You will soon be able to see these types from a mile away, and avoid the frustration of ignorant conversation.

I was inspired to write today because I came across some old pictures I took at Pride a couple of years ago.

Our annual Pride Parade is really something...we have people coming from all over the world to witness this wonderfully inclusive part of Toronto culture <3... and its a freakin' blast, whether you're gay or straight or bi or trans.... as long as you're open minded, you're guaranteed to have a good time. What i don't recommend however, is going with your mom...or dad...(especially if you're brown)

Not that I did, but every year my mom wants to tag along with us. I have to politely refuse, because as close as we are and as liberal as she is....it'd be a bit strange to watch so much nudity and sexuality shimmy down the street while she's there. Plus we wouldn't be able to get totally shmammered and idiotic....so each year I have to remind her, "I love you mom... but this is one thing we can't do together" and she's always like, "whats the big deal... its just a parade"... one year though, my poor younger sister got suckered into going with my mom...AND dad. My dad was less than enthusiastic, but he happened to be downtown for other reasons, and couldn't avoid it.

Now, my dad's a fantastic guy... liberal in many many ways... but something like homosexuality bothers him to a degree I just don't get. But then again, just sexuality in general is a bit much for him to handle. He can't even stand a simple discussion... or even the mention of the word sex...so I guess expecting him to be ok with sex that's not even 'mainstream' is a bit of a stretch. Its hard for me to say that he's a homophobe...because that's such an ugly word for someone I love so much..but lets face it..a lot of our dads probably are, to some degree. You can't entirely fault them for it either - its a generational thing, they're a product of their upbringing and the world that surrounded them back in the day. Once they've gone through more than half a century set in their ways, you can't get through to them.... so you've gotta forgive that particular strain of homophobia, they can't help it. In the same way, a lot of old people say so many racist things too....its just the way the world was when they were forming their identities. *shrug*

But where was I....oh yea - so......my sister and the parents.. out on the street for pride parade .... holy shit! I was a few blocks away thoroughly enjoying my time, but my poor sibling was busy diffusing tension. My dad had been dragged into this by my overly adventurous mom... and soon they had both had enough...the nudist part of the parade wasn't especially enjoyable for them, its a bunch of saggy, naked old men usually, not the best sight at pride, but lets not get discriminatory here. If ya don't wanna see it, stay at home.

As much as I didn't want to hang out with my parents that day, curiosity got the better of me...I was dying to hear what they had to say...especially after I saw this multi-cultural group in the parade...and one of the guys was holding a Pakistani flag (had his face mostly covered with a black hoodie though, poor guy)...so we gave 'em a call and found them in a food court near by. My dad was sitting there looking particularly shocked, and my mom was all bubbly and full of stories. Typical. My dad was pissed, especially at the Pakistani guy. I couldn't really reason with him. He doesn't explain why this angers him so much...it just does. But like I said before, so does sexuality in general...he is a product of migration and partition between India and Pakistan, he has witnessed countless horrific things since childhood. He has seen things like death, burning, disease....to him these are real problems....and such flamboyant displays of sexuality are just not serious enough to be treated as issues.

Back in his time people didn't have the courage to demand such rights, they were just happy they survived the migration. There was no place for things like orientation amidst things like hunger, poverty, losing loved ones, watching people be hacked to death....

But I digress, this isn't a post about my dad, in fact its a post about stuff he's not very fond of at all...like I said, I can forgive and almost understand his reluctance to accept anything that's different from what he's used to. But what I don't get is how and why many young, educated people are so intolerant of homosexuality.

There's a couple of types that specifically piss me off;

(*Jahil = Illiterate)

1) The complete 'Jahil'*: this kind of person is the worst by far, doesn't know jack about anything...and will usually quote something like religion, with no logic or reason to back their hatred of homosexuality. Don't bother arguing, or trying to explain anything to them, because they usually have the intellect of a squirrel, with really thick skulls that are virtually impenetrable. Sadly some of them are totally and hypocritically gay themselves.

When writing about these freaks I'm reminded of a news report I saw in Karachi approximately 5 yrs ago; it was about a (bearded)Muslim man who confessed to the imam of his mosque that he was acting out on his homosexual desires, the imam told him that that was a sin and to absolve himself he should sacrifice something that was dear to him....what this scrotumface translated that into was ghastly beyond words. He thought the only way his gayness would be 'cured' and forgiven was if he chopped the heads off all 3 of his sleeping children. And so that's what this asshole did. I don't know what became of him.....but for fucks sake....its idiots like that that give Islam a bad name. And what a dickwad imam too.... ugh.... none of this would happen if our people were more educated.

2)The 'Educated' Jahil: A living, breathing oxymoron. They're hard to figure out really, they live amongst us, they're doctors, teachers, lawyers...etc. And you won't be able to tell at first, because they're seemingly learned...well-traveled...but then one day you're having a conversation with them and they'll say something like, "omg, there's a gay guy at my work...its so disgusting, its just not natural" And be warned, that'll completely catch you off guard..but remain calm - because getting ur panties in a bunch and trying to argue with these types is pretty pointless too. Their educated side has usually been glazed over with a wash of blind faith. And I have no problem with people of religion, as long as their critical thinking skills and logic remain intact.

3)The Pseudo-liberal Ignoramus: this kind of person likes to pretend they're ok with everything when they're really not. They'll usually say things that'll clue you in to their particular condition. Something like, "Oh I'm fine with gay people as long as they don't try to hit on me." Wtf does that mean? really...you think you're that attractive that you'll tempt every single gay person of the same sex that you cross paths with...? Its just as ludicrous as a straight person assuming that everyone of the opposite sex wants to sleep with them (ugh and those exist too)...or they might say something like, "I'm fine with gay people as long as they don't touch each other in front of me..." So its ok for you to suck your ugly partners face in front of everyone but gay people need to keep it in the bedroom? That's bullshit.

4) The Double-Standard Douche: Sadly, this type is almost always male. Will make it clear that he's not ok with male homosexuality, but will make it a point to specify that he's fine with lesbians....will usually follow this up with a comment on how he'd like to 'do it' with a lesbian. Sorry dumbass....a lesbian's not likely to do it with you....especially you! And I'm not trying to say that any guy with a lesbian fantasy is a dick....just the ones that are homophobes at the same time. Cuz yeah, lets face it... most guys love the idea of two ladies gettin' it on...and if you aren't a homo-hater, there ain't nothing wrong with visualizing two lovely ladies. But if you hate homosexuality.. then stick with it asshole... be consistent, don't drop the hate when its convenient.


There ya have it folks, those are the main types I've been able to identify...feel free to let me know if you've spotted any other varieties. If you really want to be sure you aren't catching homophobe cooties...then print out the following picture (i took it at the Parade, you're welcome :P)...keep it in your wallet...if ever in doubt...pull it out, and all possible homophobes will clear the room!

I kid, I kid.....seriously, that picture could send a lot of perfectly nice people screaming if they aren't expecting it...sooo don't subject unsuspecting passersby to it. However, if you really want to, you can link em to the blog.

And for those of you whose eyes are burning from the previous visual, I'll post a picture that turned up on my camera after my husband was holding it for a while.

Ah Pride....something for everyone... really. :)

On a more serious note however, sometimes I get comments like this from readers,

On Homosexuality:

I don’t believe its natural, most homosexuals I know of turned gay after some incident,esp. something in their childhood…for me the thought of having feelings for a person of the same gender is just way out there for me to be able to comprehend it…

On Gender Reassignment:

Against it, we are who we are born and we need to respect that…changing genders is
disgusting for me, each gender is special and we should all value what we have and
embrace and enjoy it, not go looking for something else…the grass isn’t always greener
on the other side…

If that's how you're feeling, then I'd love to talk...maybe a little more information could sway you...and maybe not - but either way discussion is always healthy.


  1. Homophobia also comes out in hilarious ways. I was in the gym the other day, here in Lahore, and an uncle walks up to me and says, "you should never wear white shorts". And I was like, okay, why not? And he goes, "because in Europe all the gays wear white shorts, it's a signal". Then he pats me on the back and walks away.

    Aside the pulling stuff out of his ass, in one fell sweep of his tongue he assumed that I was straight (er, which I am but that's not the point) and that I desperately wanted to remain straight and free of homosexual association at any cost.

    That's some homophobia right there.

  2. MightsoundlikeajahilDecember 4, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    1)When "the complete jahil" says religion does not approve of homosexuality, isn't he right,i mean religion really does not(most of them,which includes islam). Whether it is right or wrong is a seperate discussion but to prove him wrong you've got to have a counter-argument,one that is better than "you are a jahil,maulvis are gay,arguing with you is pointless".
    2)ok,you are right about the educated jahil (it is not not-natural)
    3)and the pseudo-liberal
    4)the double standard douche, well,you just called every man a douche :p

    comment on homosexuality: what he calls an incident,i dont know about that but the gay people I've met,were only gay bcoz they were kept deprived of the opposite sex for a long time(in hostels or boarding schools,madrassas etc).Im not saying there aren't gay people who never went through such a stage and were naturally homosexuals,but i have yet to meet such a person, maybe im wrong,im just saying

    p.s your blog is great,keep up the good work

  3. @Mightsoundlikeajahil Glad you like the blog! Ok so, saying "you are a jahil,maulvis are gay,arguing with you is pointless" is really putting words into my mouth and over simplifiying what im saying to a degree where a lot of important points are missed out. If someone says that religion forbids homosexuality and wants to end the discussion there... in this day and age, is unfortunately a Jahil in my eyes. Sure its forbidden in most religions, but so many discussions can stem from that about why... and whether that is relevant now, etc. Its when people use religion to put a dead end to something, that it ceases to be a valid argument. As for the double standard douche...How have I called every man a douche?are you saying all men are homophobes? because I did say,
    "And I'm not trying to say that any guy with a lesbian fantasy is a dick....just the ones that are homophobes at the same time."

    Your experience with gay people seems to be somewhat limited as you describe it, because people are most certainly not only gay because of a lack of access to the opposite sex. It is true they may indulge in same-sex activities because of this deprivation, but that is not the only kind of homosexual act that exists.

    I do really appreciate that your comment is coming from a different perspective and yet is very respectful. Thanks!

    @Iblees, hahhah it sure does eh! I love that that uncle was looking out for u, trying to protect you from them damn gays...making one assumption after another.... its just the way our society is set up unfortunately, people feel they can assume a lot of things about each other, religion and orientation being two that are pet peeves of mine. I think its awesome that you're a straight pakistani male, and that you see how such assumptions can be offensive, straight or not. There need to be more straight brown guys like you, who are comfortable enough in their sexuality.

  4. there are also the double-standard women (generally they're mothers). They are brown, religious (not super religious though; the hijabi variety, more like shalwar/kameez namazi types). Generally they are liberal about lots of things, might not like them but accepting. If their kids drink, they dont like it but turn the other way, same standard when they have an idea about the kids sleeping around. Accepting of non-Muslim desi sons/daughters-in-laws. Very accepting of kid's friends who might be gay or lesbian. You can have a reasonable conversation with them about same-sex marriages in Europe and North America. But the minute you come out, all hell breaks loose, "its okay if so-and-so's son Atif is gay, but how can my son be that?" hypocrisy much?!

  5. whoa Chick with uncut dick ! BTW 2nd pic is damn cool sexy butts & legs not like desi chicks loose skinny sagy legs!!! Nice jerk off material.
    Yours long time admirer

  6. is it really wrong to be morally against something because your religion tells you to do so? Its funny how people want to be Gay Muslims or Gay Christians and want the religion to change for them when they can't comprehend the fact that the religion doesn't allow it? Be gay if you want to be but then be just gay, don't want other associations which are not there.

    Its the same with Gay marriage, marriage is a religious act, no religion in the world allows for homosexuality so why try to force the two through governments when its not even their authority? Go for civil unions all you want but don't try to corrupt, if I may use such a strong word, the sanctity of something so many others hold pure.

    And if the arguments given by homosexuals entails that they are born that way and they don't have a choice but accept it, shouldn't the same argument be applicable to those who want to change their genders and get support from homosexuals/activists? Isn't it laden with hypocrisy?


  7. Iblees: sounds like uncle was testing the waters. Did that pat on the back linger at all? :)

  8. @Mackers : LMAO, u may have a point there!

    @Anon 2:19 , Well if you take scripture as something to not think about and blindly follow, then I guess you'd be completely morally against it. But if you think about why and when it was forbidden, it may allow you to be a little more open. I just think that people need to put a tad more thought in what they're told to follow, thats all.

    Also, most gay people don't want to be 'married' for religious reasons, but for legal reasons. The way our world is set up, couples experience a lot of issues if they're not legally married. Things like health insurance, benefits, visiting rights in hospitals, custody of children, wills, tax exemptions, property, etc. There are obstacles in all these aspects of life and more if you're not married. Things that the average (straight) married couple takes for granted. Can you blame someone for wanting access to those things?

    As for transgendered people, yes, of course, the same arguments are applicaple to them - and they do get plenty of support from the LGBT community. The term itself is inclusive...Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Trans - where's the hypocrisy?

    I sort of understand what you mean about how people want to be both religious and gay, it doesnt make too much sense in my mind either. My biggest issue with organized religion is the take on homosexuality. So if I was gay, believe me, I wouldn't want any part of that. But somtimes the morals instilled in chilhood are hard to let go. If thats how some people make peace with themselves, then so be it. A relationship with 'God' is a very personal one, so no one can really make judgements on that, in my opinion. Thanks for your comment, you brought up some interesting points.

  9. @ Rameez ; Sooooo true, those aunties are everywhere. Probably 1 out of every 2 aunties is like that. How could I have missed that type. Its not a great start, but its somthing, at least you CAN have a conversation with them about such topics.. and at least they are accepting of other peoples sons/daughters being gay.... perhaps one day they will work their way up to being ok with their own offspring. The way I see it, these aunties like to roll with the crowd... so if a couple of people start accepting it, then more and more aunties will...*fingers crossed*

  10. Awesome post Eiynah! I love the classifications of homophobes and I think I've met several people in each of those categories!! Haha the "complete jahil" truly does have the intellect of a squirrel and believe me , there is no reasoning with them.

    The double-standard douche also has double standards about a bunch of other things...for instance, in the Muslim/desi world, the double-standard douche tends to think that smoking pot is perfectly alright (from a religious perspective - because there's no specific mention of it in the Quran) but drinking is HARAM! Lol it can be pretty hard to reason with these types too...

    Oh and I feel sorry for your sister to have to go to Pride with the Parents! Although your mom sounds pretty open-minded.

    ...I noticed that NJ had some very insightful remarks btw. The guy's a genius.

  11. Interesting blog post, interesting blog. You write eloquently and I agree with your views on organised religion & social attitudes. Also, good pint on the trauma of partition. That trauma has unfortunately been passed on, like a disease, through the generations, on both sides of the border, and especially in Punjab, where most of the killings happened. Sadly so. If we were born post-1945, we take for granted the peaceful times we've mainly lived though.

  12. Thanx Zobia
    LMAO @ genius !

  13. Aaeena aka looking Glass.. Yeh Doorbeen wala your Dad or hubby...Sirtaj aka Crown of the head.nj

  14. Foremost, thanks for this wonderfully hilarious post. As an out-of-the-closet, gay Pakistani 20-something, I have to say you are spot-on with many of these 'types'.

    I'll only add this:

    There is also another type--The Homophobe you Cannot Help But Love. They are your ammi, your abbu, your mammoo and maami, your brothers and sisters, your best friend.

    You have told them all you are gay, and they may even fully believe you; yet, they continue to say/do homophobic things on a daily basis.

    You, as the homo, are hurt and perplexed by their views but you cannot help but love them. Why? Because you know that your homosexuality is actually not that big of a deal. Because you know that your homosexuality does not influence the love you have for others. Because you know that heated arguments and absolutist statements only breed confusion and mistrust. Because you know that your love for God, and God's love for you cannot be comprehended by a homophobe. Because you know that unwavering patience and unconditional love are the best answer to the hatred and dogma of homophobes.

    You love them all, because you treat others as you wish to be treated.

    Allah has said in Surah Luqman, "Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong; and bear with patience whatever befalls you"