Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sugar and Spice….
So last night my dutiful husband sat down to do the research I had asked him to. The search for girl porn was on…and I gotta say, I have rarely seen him that focused or dedicated..LOL. Before beginning, he made sure to tell me,
“Ok, so I’m starting your ‘research’ now…just letting you know incase u turn around and wonder what I’m watching on my computer…”
Poor guy worked really hard, didn’t even raise his head till dinner time :P
But after a couple of hours into it, he tells me that although this was fun, it was definitely harder than he thought it’d be. A lot of what he found was lesbian porn…there was barely any ‘straight’ girl porn out there. I’m not too surprised, cuz I’ve heard women say time and time again that they’re not really turned on by a lot of male frontal nudity (unless its in real life)..so I can see why pornmakers targeting women, would eliminate men entirely…but I’d still expect more hetero stuff out there than my husband could find.
Another thing he found was a trailer for some Scandinavian feminist porn. Strange stuff. He's a big fan of Scandinavian music, so he enjoyed the soundtrack.. but was totally like, wtf… with the video. Again, in the preview clip he showed me, there were several lesbian scenes. Softer lighting though.. and the camera angles looked a lot more artsy. The most interesting thing about the feminist porn clip was the scenes objectifying men…putting men in flowery stockings and watching them wank… (gotta say, that doesn’t do much for me at all)…there was some exhibitionist stuff as well, I guess that was coming from an ‘empowerment’ perspective….
Bottom line, the ‘feminist porn’ was quite different to the regular porn targeted at women. It was a bit more aggressive, and I definitely didn’t see the male objectifiying stuff anywhere else.
So while I’m watching the clip my husband’s tinkering with something in the kitchen and says in a kinda complain-y tone,
“This feminist porn stuff, its so weird, so much of it is about embarrassing the guy.. and objectifying him.”
And I said,
“Well why not? That’s what they do in regular porn with women, like ALL the time…”
That’s when I saw a wave of realization cross over his face, it hadn’t even crossed his mind, I suppose… its just so normalized…so taken for granted. When the roles are reversed, it hits you....He goes,
“That’s a good point…that’s exactly what they do…never thought about it that way…”
See, it’s not that he’s not sensitive to women and their issues, its just that when you see something over and over again, in all aspects of society, you do tend to become desensitized to the issue. I mean, something as basic as TV / print advertising – objectifies women almost all of the time. And advertising is something we’re inundated by… from the moment we wake up, to the moment we get into bed…it’s something you can’t escape. In a way, it’s a soft core model for what’s portrayed in a lot of porn, gender roles aren’t as exaggerated anywhere else… That’s why a good male objectifying ad is needed from time to time… esp when its done well…
Who can ever forget the old spice guy;
And not to mention this little treat, I always enjoy this one ;)
Oh another thing he told me after the research was that a lot of porn targeted towards women wasn’t for free…for realz! My reaction was, wha? Do women really pay for porn? We can usually get sex pretty easy, the real thing… so what’d be the need to pay for video clips, etc.?
Ah capitalism, you can sell anything, especially when u define it as a ‘niche market’ I suppose.
Here’s what the interviewees had to say on the topic;
Ayesha, Female, 28
First off, I object to any pornography that makes use of actors involuntarily, ie. Porn involving children etc. As most porn is aimed towards a male audience, I’ve never really enjoyed it personally. Pornography, like art, will never die out, because there will always be people who need it, to lift their spirits or anything else. I think its pointless condemning something that has existed for centuries and will continue for many more. My objection is to the exploitation embedded within the industry, which is possibly a result of its criminalization in the first place.
Layla, Female, 19
If it’s done well it can be very sexy, but not the hard core stuff it just makes sex look filthy, unromantic and disgusting and if I saw it before I did it I would’ve been a lot more reluctant. But the soft sweet romantic stuff is a good mood setter.
Ambreen, Female, 28
I’m not against it or for it... but I do wish that porn had more of a story rather than people just going at it ... I think they need to make porn targeted towards women... like in movies... they always show frontal nudity of women but not men... according to my husband its cuz no one wants to see the guy but everyone wants to see the girl...
Mariam, Female, 26
im not one of those people that’s completely averse to porn….. I have seen enough porn in my lifetime…. Here and there… it doesn’t bother me…it’s part of society and its not going anywhere…like alcohol or drugs… regardless of what people say about it….doesnt matter how much we try and ban it or curb it….sure – there’s no need to encourage it or over-indulge in it…. Because it is correctly assumed to be a negative influence in most people/s lives …personally it doesn’t freak me out too much…. Some people just use it to enhance fantasy… or to get away from the stressful aspects of sex…once in a while…sure I can enjoy it… but I can’t deal with an excess of it. I mean it is sort of dehumanizing..and there is an element of it that gets under your skin….but I wouldn’t hype about it too much.
Fatima, Female, 25
I wish there was more porn in the world that was female-oriented, I grew up to a lot of porn as I said earlier….we had porn nights…all the cousins would sit and watch porn together. It was funny…it was arousing for some…it caught the attention of the boy cousins – but the girls were bored in 10 minutes. They were tired of seeing the same shit and thinking why does she look like a plastic “ki guria” at the end of it.
As for things like child porn, OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? Why do people do that? Why can’t we kill those people?!!!!
Sumeira, Female, 25
I think it’s great. I don’t think it exploits women and I don’t think it’s more male–oriented either.
Zobia, Female, 22
Pornography is not something I’m particularly fond of….I think its degrading to women, but then those women choose to be in porn, so you cant exactly feel bad for them. Soft porn is the only kind of porn I would possibly watch…there are way too many kinds of weird porn out there though…and I’m not a big fan of it generally speaking.
Saira, Female, 22
personally I’m not into watching other people having sex.... I also think mainstream pornography is really degrading to women... it’s always multiple women with one man. so I don’t like to watch it. . I’m positive there’s pornography in Pakistan....didn’t someone tell me they sell it at rainbow market..... I don’t know if I wanna see that... hairy Pakistani men... (laughs) they probably have names like leela ka ghar.... hahah leela ka bistar.... hahahahahh
Rabia Female, 23
Always found porn to be a little too vulgar the times I did see it (random incidents with friends up until a couple of years ago). Putting religion aside, from a social perspective I feel even if people feel it ‘enhances’ their sex lives or is a good way to compensate for the lack of a sexual partner, it encourages a degree of openness that personally I feel kills the element of true sexual intimacy with your partner.
Farah, Female, 29
I think much of it [porn] is very male-centric and can create all kinds of illusions about what sex is and should be.
There is a very interesting article on pornography that talks about how, when two people are making love, they are not actually having sex with their partner, but rather an image that they have constructed throughout their lives. I am expressing it badly – all I remember is it was written by a philosopher and I think it was in the NYT
So, nothing outrageous or shocking in those thoughts…a couple of women mention the ‘male-centric’ aspect of it. The one person that stands out to me though is Sumeira, when she says,
“I think it’s great. I don’t think it exploits women and I don’t think it’s more male–oriented either.”
It leaves me thinking… what?! a) how can you as a woman not see that at least on some level, it exploits females… and b) how do you not see that its more male-oriented? How?
I don’t even know how to explain to myself, what she could possibly be thinking….but if you’ve been following the interviews, you may have noticed that she often makes a lot of bold statements.. and also, has had a bit of a troubled past….. perhaps her past shapes her perception. She’s said things like,
I got married out of spite. My mom didn’t want me to do it…I did it. Had a few drinks, came back told her I was married. Handed her the nikah namah…You can’t tell a kid ‘you’re daddy’s not nice’
my mom was pregnant with me she overdosed on pills because she caught my father fucking around. My father has actually admitted to this himself.
I learned how to have sex through porn; I went through my moms stuff.
I actually saw my mom having sex, she didn’t show it to me on purpose. But she knew that we knew that she was doing it- she knew we were in the house – you shouldn’t be doing it when you’ve got 2 kids in the house. The kids can fucking hear you, they’re curious …they’re going to look through the keyhole.
*shrug* I dunno what makes people say the things they say…. But one can speculate… the important thing is, that at least they say them….