Thursday, March 10, 2011

Go Fuck Yourself...

...And I mean that in the nicest way possible. :)

Yah, we're still talking about Masturbation. I have my male interviewees' thoughts to post... oh and there are some bits and pieces I found on the net, that just need to be shared.

First off, I wasn't aware of this but apparently guys can impregnate their hands by masturbating! I'm just posting one paragraph here, but you can read the whole thing if you like. Lol.

"Unfortunately, this sin has become widespread in this day and age. In some narrations of Hadith there are severe warnings against this sin. It has been mentioned that the person who masturbates shall be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with a pregnant hand. It has also been mentioned that the ناکح الید (the one who masturbates) is under the curse of Allah. Fulfilling one's sexual desires in an unlawful manner is obviously impermissible. But one should also be cautious of excessive permissible sex. Too much sexual intercourse spoils the health and drains one's strength."

(of course no mention of how sinful it is for women to masturbate, because that doesn't happen, clearly)

So gentlemen,
a) don't masturbate... who wants a pregnant hand
b) don't have too much sex with your spouse either (which is permissable) - cuz it spoils your health and drains your strength.

All i'm gonna say is... are you freakin serious? There are much bigger issues out there, and I'm sure an *all-knowing*, *all-powerful* god would prefer to focus on those. If god was real and had to manage the whole universe...including billions of people..answering prayers, the whole giveth and taketh... life and death...etc... why the FUCK would he care about your self-pleasure habits?

I also came across an English to Urdu dictionary online...guess what word I looked up.... yup... there's actually an official term for it...i have never heard it in my life... but here it is; dast kari. Now anyone familiar with the term, please correct me if this is wrong...

But I'm surprised they listed a word for it, because they sure didn't list a definition.

Not surprising though, no definition for masturbation in an urdu dictionary...must simply be cuz it doesn't exist :P

Ok - so one more: I came across a well-written, concise, informative page on the topic. *chuckle* Obviously written by a Pakistani man...

I'll post a few highlights, lol, to read more (and if u need a good laugh you'll want to) go here.

(Because of masturbation 'apparently'):

"Their behavior is changed altogether. Their performance in education is affected. They fail to give enough attention to their studies. Their behavior with females becomes somewhat strange and unnatural because they think they are not enough for them. They think that they can never have sex in their life. This creates a lot of frustration in their mind. They tend to satisfy their thirst for sex but they are unable to do so. They think they are in serious kind of disease ( this is mis education )"

"This page is basically to provide sex education to young teenagers from 12 years and above in Pakistan and to the people of the world. If you are at least twelve years old please keep on reading. This page is for you. These pages do not contain any sexually explicit material and is safe for you to read it."

LOL!

"you should bear in mind that masturbation is harmful. This question is quite controversial because many people including doctors say it is not harmful at all and as a matter of fact they say it is very healthy. But there are a lot of other people like 'hakims' and common people who say it is harmful....Bear in mind that I DO NOT support hakims. If you have already got problems with masturbation, You should consult any doctor. "

Of course, you'd trust the opinion of 'common people' and homeopaths (hakims) over real doctors.. right? Yet he ends it (confusingly) by telling u to go see a real doctor...

"The harmful effects of masturbation include discharge of semen when u think about girl, reduction in penis size, tapering of penis in the base, reduced erection size, reduced amount of orgasm and the worst of all premature ejaculation. All of these problems are a big problems by themselves but thinking that they all are caused because of too much masturbation, i will say that masturbation is harmful."

Guys, I hope you're making notes... :P


"I check the tip of my penis scarily and i noticed that i was leaking. Then when i had looked at my penis, it had also shrunk in the base. Eventually everything that was their in the pamphlet came out true for me. So in my case it was ignorance and lake of sex education. Secondly since i never had any sexual activity with any one i did not know much about it. Hence i would the big culprit in this case is ignorance. You are doing something and you do not know its effect because either you just enjoy it and no one else informs you about that. No one ever told me a single word about sex because our society ( Pakistan ) is not that much open."

*gasp* leaky penis, lol as well as a shrunken base (wtf?)

"Now the harmful effects of masturbation are not just restricted to those physical problems that i have discussed. It also effects memory. It will also effect your social behavior because you would tend to be isolated and lonely. Eventually if you fall into all this problems there will be a new kind of world for you, which will not be a reality. Your world will be full of frustration. All you will think about is that you are not enough for a girl and you will never be married."

YIKES! Masturbators beware, you will become isolated and lonely and have memory issues...who knew!

"Lastly if you masturbate do not think that you will get weak and lean ( slim). Infect you will look perfectly alright. You could get lean and weak if you have some other personnel problems that you are worried about. But bear in mind that masturbation alone will not make you lean and weak. And since you are in puberty which is the period you are full with energy, you will never notice these things. The best you can do is try to stop masturbation. This will be extremely good for you older life and for your sex life after marriage."

This has to be one of my favourite paragraphs on here. Usage of the words 'Infect' and 'Personnel Problems' is only the best ever....lol, and the repeated emphasis on lean and weak, weak and lean. So eloquently put. 

* * *

Anyhooo, you get the gist, to be even more informed, click on the link above..theres plenty more where that came from ;)



* * *

This may seem less entertaining in comparison... but here's what my male interviewees had to say:

Fahad, Male, 24

I think about sex everyday…3-4 times a day. When I haven’t had sex for a few days I start to feel uncomfortable…it’s a physical and emotional thing. I think sex is very important in a relationship.

I think it’s great! I don’t think women masturbate as much as they should. I think a lot of women probably don’t know how to masturbate – when compared to boys in their youth; masturbation doesn’t seem to be such a dominant thing in their life. In every culture – the way a girl is raised; it’s very sheltered, very protected…nobody talks about women’s masturbation – not even in a jokey way whereas guys are openly joking about it.

*

Sultan, Male, 19

When the interviewee was asked about how often he thought about sex he chose not to answer this question and appeared embarrassed.

I think masturbation should be done with responsibility because excessive masturbation can cause defects in the libido – you could be limp or you could become a premature ejaculator… you could be ruining something so great for yourself. When you’re doing it responsibly there’s no problem with it. I think masturbation is completely natural, I don’t think that any man would be truthful if he said that he lived his whole life without masturbating even once - and if he thinks that that’s a sin, considering that every single male… and even female does it in this world… well I don’t know about the females because I haven’t had many conversations with them about their masturbation habits, but the few people that I have had it with – they claim to be very turned off by masturbation and they think its wrong and they claim to have never done it in their life. They justify it by saying that they want to experience orgasm in its entirety when the time of sex comes. If you’re in a heated up situation and you have no other option – it gives you an option to relieve yourself, I guess it could be healthy if you look at it that way. If masturbation is just as natural for a woman as it is for a man then she should not be embarrassed about it.

*

Khizer, Male, 26

I think about sex whenever I’m triggered, it could be a girl walking on the street, a memory I have of the past, a movie… I might not think about sex thrice a day but I might think about it enough so that the average comes out to be thrice a day. At the moment I think sex is quite important in my life considering its been a while, but it’s not something I would live for. You know how some guys – it’s their mission in life to go out and get laid. If it comes it comes, it’s not something I’m going to go out hunting for.

Masturbation….I think its natural; everybody does it, its routine. I don’t think women care about masturbation that much, they don’t think about sex that much – they are more complex. Men are more focused women tend to have more branches than men do. So perhaps they don’t masturbate as much as men because they get distracted from even thinking about it.

*

Imad, Male, 25

When asked if he thinks about sex everyday he smiles, sighs and says:

Sadly...yes.

Sex does play a major role in my life. I’m engaged – I have been for a year and a half.

I think it’s perfectly natural for both sexes. I think they masturbate equally. In this country because of the sexual repression, it’s harder for women to talk about it though. Men talk about it a lot; in fact they are proud of it.

*

Qasim, Male, 26


Not everyday....I would say I think about sex 2-3 times a week.

I think masturbation is very natural.... I don’t see it as something ‘wrong’ ... I mean it’s a safe way of relieving your frustration ... I haven’t come across any article that says its unhealthy... I think everyone should engage in it…both men and women…I don’t see why not...

But this is how I feel now…. back when I thought a lot of other things were wrong.... I thought it was an act of sin.... but I no longer think that – like I’ve said before…I have completely changed as a person...the belief that it was something wrong and sinful had a lot to do with religion…but that’s in the past.

*

Ali, Male, 29

In 24 hours…I think Pakistani men in general think about sex at least for 12 hours. Basically most of the time they’re awake… 50% of the day….but I’m pretty sure it’s even more than that.

I think masturbation is a very natural part of life. It’s the same for men and women. Women shouldn’t be embarrassed about it.

* * *

From the looks of it most men here say that they think about sex multiple times a day…they’re ‘hornier’ than my group of women, that’s for sure!

No surprises there….

Although, there are a few exceptions; Sultan has declined from answering the question because he finds it embarrassing.

Well, again – he’s still young and I suppose he hasn’t developed the confidence about his sexuality that the others have. But he too isn’t alone – when Imad is asked whether he thinks about sex everyday he answers,

“Sadly...yes.”

I’m guessing we can chalk that ‘sadly’ up to a slight embarrassment of what he perceives to be an overactive sex drive…I can’t think of any other reason for it to be ‘sad’ per se.

Ali has found another way to deal with his own embarrassment about the topic…it is a really personal question after all. I bet if I were a man, the guys would be a lot more comfortable answering me in a more straightforward manner. But I'm not.

So Ali’s method of answering the question is to remove himself from it, to a certain extent and instead, give me a general statement about 'the average Pakistani male',

“In 24 hours…I think Pakistani men in general think about sex at least for 12 hours. Basically most of the time they’re awake… 50% of the day….but I’m pretty sure it’s even more than that.”

Qasim is the only one who thinks about sex ‘less’…less may be subjective but it’s considerably less than the others…just a few times a week. It could be because as he mentioned earlier…he doesn’t find the act of penetrative sex as appealing as the other men…perhaps stemming from his body consciousness or maybe its something that lingers from his religious past…

When discussing masturbation, most of the men are undoubting of the fact that it's a perfectly natural activity for both sexes…and that women either don’t do it as much as they should or they don’t talk about it. Imad explains that this is due to the ‘sexually repressed’ nature of our culture,


“In this country because of the sexual repression, it’s harder for women to talk about it…”

Out of everyone, Sultan is the only person that seems unsure about masturbation…he has interesting yet misinformed theories (like in the excerpts above) that it can cause you to become a premature ejaculator…or even affect your libido! Perhaps he still has a lot to figure out about the world of sexuality…or maybe he’ll never change…I’m hoping he does……..Till the very end of his statement on the subject he doesn’t concretely say that its ‘nothing to be ashamed of’…in fact he uses words like ‘I guess’ and ‘if’….

‘I guess it could be healthy if you look at it that way. If masturbation is just as natural for a woman as it is for a man then she should not be embarrassed about it.’

Well, at least he acknowledges that people do it…but his statement could lead anyone to believe there is doubt in his mind…I think he’s the only one in the group thats representing a more traditional view on the subject…one that claims masturbation is bad….an opinion I’ve had a hard time getting a hold of.

When thinking of more conservative opinions I'm reminded of a discussion I once had with a relative…about how his aunt and uncle would be concerned about the amount of time young ‘boys’ spent in the toilet. They had instructed their own son to never lock the door while using the ‘facilities’…and when this particular relative of mine was visiting, he was in there for what they considered to be “too long”…and I quote,

“I nearly shit my pants trying to jump up and block my aunt at the door….who was using her key to get in and see what I was up to…”

Poor guy! Apparently he was just reading a book…but whatever he was doing in the bathroom should be no ones business….no one should try to break in to a sacred realm of privacy such as a toilet (unless there's a real medical emergency of course...)

Now in that story, you see a different type of opinion – certainly different from all my liberal/progressive Pakistani interviewees and their acceptance….…That was just a glimpse though, I believe that type of extreme disapproval to be the norm…why is it so hard to come by?

When I was beginning this post, I googled the dreaded m-word….just to give my mind some fodder…and by going through countless websites…the general feel I got was that Christianity seemed to have a much bigger problem with it than Islam…

Perhaps this was because outside of the world people will actually speak about sexuality if they disapprove of it. In our neck of the woods, they pretend it doesn't exist. Muslims would rather not put up websites about how harmful masturbation is, because that'd mean acknowledging it in the first place.

As a result, In the Western world…a long long time ago there were pamphlets and literature printed on the dangers of ‘self-abuse’, there were devices invented to prevent masturbation; penis alarms, chastity belts, steel wool mits…..Agh! But interestingly enough, I couldn’t find evidence of any such pamphlets or ‘purity maintaining contraptions’ anywhere in the Islamic world. (We go right to FGM, and chop the bits off directly as a preventative measure).

Either we truly have been in denial of masturbation and choose to look the other way, or we haven’t found it as problematic as they have in the West. OR- we're not that innovative with torture devices? Seriously though, why have we not been as inventive in chastity contraptions - am I missing something from Islamic history?

Thankfully these Western anti-masturbation devices are a thing of the past now, but some of these ultra right-wing Christians would make you think otherwise... with their purity balls and chastity rings....virginity obsession.

Religion, go figure.


9 comments:

  1. Those links you provided remind me so much of those 1950's videos where kids would blind and get hairy palms if they masturbated.

    Those interviews were interesting, they seem to right about how women's masturbation isn't talked about. I would like to hear some conservative views on this as well, but perhaps that's why it's hard you to get them. Most people who are conservative (don't mean to generalize) would rather just not talk about something like this. It's probably just an issue of privacy and possibly morality.

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  2. No Eiynah i never meant & asked you to provide me stroke material! Please dont take in bad means. since you are asking others to be open for critisism then you should also be open for same.
    Your Hadith link regarding musterbation reminds me of Qari M***** ul Haq Saheb and our Islamyat teacher Q*** sahb.
    He use to like all good looking young boys only. When a boy sit beside him for daily dars he use to put his one hand in shilwar and stroke making sounds like a pigeon taking off for a flight LoL. He also had a fetish of pinching & pressing our heals with his thumb and forefinger. Those days we can't understand all this.
    The Islamyat teacher use to put some peanuts in his shirwani pocket and tell (good looking boys only) to take some peanuts from his pocket and there you can touch feel find something warm & stiff poking into his side pocket.

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  3. Hey Eiynah!
    Nice blog you got here. Karachi khatmal even once said that guys will boast about guys jerking off so its probably not that hard to get them to talk about it. As for the Urdu word for Masturbation, may I recommend the street phrase Mut'h Maarna? And a chronic masturbator is called a Muthal. So yeah, theres the grammar out of the way. It was Karachi Khatmal who recommended your website on his post on the Holy Fuck. I was wondering if after seeing the comments on it about the female orgasm, you decided to write on female masturbation? Just a thought.

    Now more interestingly for you, there is a little spat going on between the Karachi leadership of the PPP and the Jang group of newspapers. Cafe Pyala covers how a PPP leader claims that the owner of Jang newspaper was sexually abused as a child, and then blackmailed with photos of it. Then Zulfiqar Mirza, says it was he and President Zardari who got those incriminating photos of the thug.

    As someone who discusses Pakistani sexuality, I was wondering what you think about this purported case of sexual abuse being dragged into the public? Before you say, Oh My God its so sad and bad, may i remind you that this is Mir Shakil ur Rehman, the owner of Jang group of papers, a man who may have delusions of being the Rupert Murdoch of Pakistan. Personally I think its hilarious. The players all involved are powerful and rich, regardless of what personal demons they may be battling, and they have powers of near life and death over the citizenry of Karachi, Sindh and Pakistan. It makes a good case for defining Pakistani politics as a kind of metphor for sexual abuse.

    Please let us know what you think of all this.

    Cheers!

    TLW

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  4. MushtZani is Persian word which literally means "Hatheli ke sath zana"

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  5. Hey Eiynah :)
    I was referred here by Karachi Khatmal too ^_^ you cannot imagine my joy (okay that sounds weird, but seriously) when I came across this blog. FINALLY someone has it in them to discuss sexual issues, especially with a pakistani perspective, which no one really does here, I mean no wonder most young people are so confused and worried.

    I especially liked the ones on female masturbation, I had no idea so many pakistani girls did it :D I got most of my info on these topics from encyclopedias, like you, and the net, which can have hugely conflicting opinions.

    As for the guy article, aren't they underestimating a bit? Most of the guys in my experience think about sex a third of their time at least, if not more.

    But anyway, kudos to you for the blog. You have my respect and support and if you ever need an interviewee I am totally up for it. *salutes* :)

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  6. I promise to read the whole masturbation post, but i read the first half and its fucking hilarious!

    First of all, the search for the urdu word reminds me of a segment I heard on the old Adil Ray show on BBC Asian Network, where they called different establishments in the British Asian sphere of life, and asked them what do they call "Sex" in Urdu. I have to hunt that file down from somewhere. It was hilarious. They finally called the BBC Urdu service, and this great guy came up on the other end. He gave a few words, including "Hum Bistree ikhtiyaar karna". Though he made the point of saying that "humbistree sirf bistar main nahin hotee... kitchen, living room, qabristan".

    As for anti-masturbation device, i believe its used in the Dom/Sub Fetish, esp in gay culture, as one partner goes through a forced anti-masturbating phase. Ive seen more than a few xtube videos of that happening :D

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  7. I agree with you RenKiss, conservative opinions on the matter are hard to come by because conservative people aften dont want to discuss such things.....but i'd still love to hear from anyone out there that thinks its harmful or wrong... If you're out there and reading this post.. drop me a line :)

    @ anonymous - Holy shit, you poor child... are you seriously telling me that both your Quran teacher and your religion teacher were pedophiles? Fuck! i mean this is why we need to create awareness so fuckers like this cant get away with molesting young children under the pretense of teaching them religion. God knows how many kids those men harmed.... and the damaging effects last for such a long time. Would you say you suffer from any lasting effects from such expereiences?

    Welcome TLW! Nice to hear from ya. Im glad you've enjoyed the post.... and you know what i didnt even know Karachi Khatmal had a blog.... i just checked it out... its very interesting..
    He;s a good guy :) So to answer ur question, no i didnt read the comments on there and then post this (although our recent blog posts definitely compliment each other... i guess great minds think alike)... in fact educating Pakistani's about sexuality in general has been a pretty long term mission of mine. I did a whole post on female orgasms several monhs ago, check out some of the older posts if ur interested :)

    As for the case you've brought to my attention, i mean... *sigh* what can i say.... its an interesting read.. and an interesting video to watch...but more than being about sexuality... it displays the loss of ethics and morality that a lot of our country has suffered. Its sad that politics can get so dirty, and immature, almost.... i do see why you think its funny, cuz its fucking ridiculous...these people dont behave like adults, its sickening that there are so many of these types in charge of running the country. ugh. nuff said. you put it well when you say;
    'It makes a good case for defining Pakistani politics as a kind of metphor for sexual abuse.'

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  8. Hi Shumaila, glad you like my work :) and no, haha it doesnt sound weird when u express joy over the topic of Pakistani sexuality... cuz you're absolutely right... there is way too much confusion, and too many myths.. and no where to go to for any kind of untainted information. I remember being told in conversation by a doctor in Pakistan, that one could get aids from kissing. I was in high school then and super confused, cuz back in the middle east, i had just studied std's in school, and our british biology teacher made it a point to clear a lot of misconceptions - like kissing and aids... he said you'd have to drink a bucket full of spit.. or something... or both parties would have to have open wounds in their mouths... either way.. it'd be an unlikely scenario. As a teenager... it was really confusing to hear these conflicting views. Not that i was ever in a high risk situation for contracting stds, but still, everyone's got a right to know...

    As for Pakistani women and masturbation... yah, from the way our society is structured, you'd never even think they had a sex drive... but everybody does... ;)

    Id love to have a new interviewee, mail me at nicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom - and i'll send you a form :)
    ----

    also, hey i'd appreciate anyone helping to spread the word.. so we can get more people on here and have more discussion... so if you've got the balls... put up an article on ur facebook or something :)

    @Racy Raccoon - lol that is hillarious that the guy acknowledged that sex can happen in the living room, and cemetary! wtf! haha Musta been a dude with some interesting fetishes. And yah, the fetish scene uses all sorts of paraphernalia. I've been to my share of fet nights in Toronto, and seen some interesting things. But i mean thats all just role play... whats disturbing is that people used these things for realsies. ugh.

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  9. For men, semen production(and hence libido) is like saliva... you can keep throwing it out and your mouth will become very dry and nearly void of it but some time later it will be at the same state.... Similar thing for masturbation... In fact if men don't masturbate for a time, body won't be able to hold on the semen anymore and you will thus have a wetdream.. If masturbation led to loss of semen then why would body have wet-dream mechanism....
    Go FAP FAP FAP!

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