Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Whats 'Love' Got to do With it?

Like the poor (yet unnaturally happy) unsuspecting samosas from the previous post, sometimes a pair of Pakistanis is plucked up from the samosa box of life and arranged neatly on a plate. You never know what you're going to be paired with...if you're an aloo (potato) samosa, you might just get put next to a queema (meat) one...and sometimes there are even the rare dal (lentil) ones, watch out for those... you never ever really know till life begins to bite into you. Lol...

Yah yah, a little far fetched and silly, but thats for the benefit of all those who asked me how the samosa picture was relevant in the last post. I understand, sometimes as an artist, I can be a bit abstract... but come on people.... those little samosas were in an arranged marriage...

Speaking of which, I came across this gem of a video on YouTube:

LMAO, is it just me that cracks up every time? The South Indian guy REALLY makes the whole process sound soooo complicated... he's adorable though :) And you gotta love the Pakistani (I assume) couple who fell in love AFTER their engagement and were obviously too frisky to hold out for the assigned two-year waiting period... "It's made in heavens...everythings made in heavens"

And wtf is up with the random tractor shot in the beginning....? A weird comment on fertility?


ok, so back to the interviews:

Ayesha, Female, 28

I am not married.


Layla, Female, 19

Not married, so cant really say, but I’ve seen both arranged and love marriages and well it really depends on your significant other, because you never really know a person until you live with them.


Ambreen, Female, 28

My marriage was arranged.... but it didn’t really seem like it because I got to know my husband really well before hand.... we had met each other ... and gotten to know each others bodies before the wedding night so it wasn't awkward. In my case it didn’t have an effect on our sexuality. But I think it could have an effect depending on how comfortable the bride and groom are beforehand.... it could definitely be a little more awkward than it was for me.


Mariam, Female, 26

I’m getting married in 6 months….no - it’s not even close to being an arranged marriage. I’ve been dating somebody for 3 years. I think there’s no black and white answer to the question of whether arranged marriage works or not. It works for some people….I’ve seen it in front of me. I think it’s a pretty old fashioned concept and doesn’t really ‘hold’ in our generation and in this day and age. But that doesn’t mean I think it can’t work and that it’s completely irrelevant to even consider it for somebody – depends on what kind of a person you are and what kind of people your parents are…and who they’re looking for- for you. You might just get lucky – I know some people who’ve had arranged marriages but ended up with fabulous people who they’re compatible with. What bearing it has on sexuality….again I think there are no hard and fast rules….it’s probably a lot tougher to form an intimate bond with a complete stranger – but that doesn’t mean it cannot happen…. It can happen pleasantly enough…when comparing people who have had arranged and not arranged marriages… they are both capable of having equally great and equally bad sex. I think somebody who has had a ‘love’ marriage can have bad sex…because life is complicated.


Fatima, Female, 25

I think sex within an arranged marriage has potential for growth. I’ve met a lot of people that have been married through arranged means and are very happy. On the other hand I’ve met people that believe that you’re meant to have sex through a sheet with a hole cut between genitals. My step-grandmother came from a family like that till she met my grandfather who wasn’t gonna fuck like that! We live in a nation of double standards – where men have the upper hand, we should recognize that.


Sumeira, Female, 25

The effects of an arranged marriage really depend on what background you come from. Because in a lot of places “ok- arranged marriage is a woman’s duty…yes, hello I open legs-I make babies” that’s it. There is no such thing as satisfaction for a woman – they don’t even know that a woman can cum. In a society like this you need premarital sex so people can figure out what the hell is going on. If you have an affair or fuck around you’ll know what sex is all about – In marriage you’re not going to get it, because marriage is a done deal – that’s it baby you’re in the house, what are you going to do? People in arranged marriages haven’t usually had premarital sex…so basically they’re missing out on a big part of discovering what they like…sexually. That’s my main problem with it.

I got married out of spite. My mom didn’t want me to do it…I did it. Had a few drinks, came back told her I was married. Handed her the nikah namah…You can’t tell a kid ‘you’re daddy’s not nice’ – I realize that now, but then it was like he’s my daddy- so fuck you mum…and so I got married. My marriage lasted 5 yrs. My parent’s relationship didn’t end because of sex-related issues but I do know that both my parents were seeing someone else while they were married. While my mom was pregnant with me she overdosed on pills because she caught my father fucking around. My father has actually admitted to this himself.


Zobia, Female, 22

I didn’t have an arranged marriage, but I do think that an arranged marriage could possibly undermine the growth of any individual’s sexuality. Arranged marriages primarily consist of an agreement to be partners, as opposed to ‘love marriages’ which also include things like passion, physical attraction and already existing emotional ties between the two individuals. This, in most cases, creates a more natural sexual bond between the 2 people.


Saira, Female, 22

I think you would be more reserved... I’m assuming if you have an arranged marriage you wouldn’t know that person too well, you would be shy and not open.... or it might just go the other way.... but I’d be a little weirded.....


Most in this group seem to agree that arranged marriages can work out just as well as non-arranged marriages. It really depends on what kind of person you are. People can have bad sex and bad compatibility despite years of cohabitation. Life isn’t predictable…people have dated, lived together and then got married and then got divorced. And, also people have had really bad arranged marriages where there has been emotional and sexual abuse… there’s a variety of situations in both scenario’s…the way I see it…marriage in general is such a gamble…two people living together forever…who knows when circumstances will change the dynamics of a relationship. If you’re out there and you have a marriage that works…hang on to it.. love it, cherish it…worship it…nurture it.

Jeez, I sound like such a cheesy, girly girl.... not me at all.

(And I'm just playing devil's advocate here, believe me, when I have kids and they're all grown up, I won't be rushing off to have their marriages arranged...For arguments sake, I feel it's necessary to mention the positives too.)

There’s a fair share of arranged marriage horror stories out there – the worst kind involves a sweet little virgin being married off to a successful and wealthy young man…who hasn’t had the guts to come out of the closet…so he doesn’t care who his parents marry him off to as long as he can continue having his homosexual encounters, but can maintain a ‘respectable’ heterosexual image for his powerful career. Perhaps father a child or two to keep this girl busy…till one day she finally finds out and is devastated. By that time…she has two children with a selfish gay Pakistani and no one else will marry her. So she finally leaves him and begins life amongst the vicious rumours that surround her as a single mother, divorcee and someone whose husband simply used them. That... I hate…if you’re not going to come out of the closet, don’t marry someone for your parents or career's sake.

Then there’s the other type of arranged marriage, where you’re a rich brat sent off to college abroad… you have your fun, date and sleep with as many people as you can….then return home to marry a suitable person of your parent’s choice. Your reputation as an obedient child remains intact…in this situation, the arranged marriage is like hymen reconstruction surgery for your Pakistani reputation. That’s another reason I doubt the institution of arranged marriage – it gives some seriously hypocritical people the opportunity to wallow in double standards… to have their cake and eat it too. Someone who wants a virgin wife…but doesn’t want to remain a virgin themselves can actually make that happen. :/ Arrgh!

I’ve known my share of doctors in Pakistan… it seems to be a very popular profession (since all the mommies and daddies want you to be one when you grow up). But let me get to my point, the same story keeps cropping up with different people. Many doctors speak of treating young girls who have been literally ripped open on their wedding night…to the point where they need stitches. I don’t know how often that could happen if you married someone you loved…but something tells me it would happen a lot less.

And lets not forget the most tragic arranged marriage of all... Benazir Bhutto...
She married that donkey hybrid to further her career as a politician – since no one in Pakistan was about to take a single young woman seriously. Technically, she made a wise move…it got her all the way to being prime minister….but I'm pretty sure it had other consequences getting her killed for one...

Obviously, being involved in Pakistani politics, you’ve got to play by the rules – and those rules dictate that an arranged marriage is the proper code of conduct for a respectable woman…. Just like that scarf she put on her head. But maybe, just maybe…if she didn’t have to make such sacrifices… and she could actually have chosen who she married for love… she might still be alive…sure the chances of her being in politics would be slim to none--- priorities are different for everyone, eh?

I disliked her just as much as I dislike most Pakistani Politicians, but when she died such a miserable death, I felt sad, cummon, I'm only human. The weird part was -whenever we caught a glimpse (on TV) of her husband during those days (and that wasn't too often at all) ….there wasn’t a trace of emotion in his eyes…that’s when you know…there wasn’t much ‘love’ involved in that ‘arrangement’. It was definitely a career move.

How she could ever bang that dude, I will never understand... no matter what it did for her career.


Aside from that, keep an eye out for the nice mangos video - it's coming soon I promise!

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